Let's Play Dwarf Fortress!

[Darkin]

Wait...
Only daughter?

[Alexandy13]

am i useful?

[Master War]

Dammit my stoneslate won't work. D:

[Odds]

Wait...
Only daughter?

You mean you didn't know

[Operation Awesome]

Wait...
Only daughter?

You mean you didn't know

I guess not.


Well I guess these breasts make a lot more sense now.

[Falconer Lombard]

Have I killed any horses recently?

[bunnytots]

Have I killed any horses recently?

That is my job.

[Plasma]

Bunnytots is really fond of asses!


Although I'm not really okay with him having that many pets. It'll really slow down his workspeed...


Speaking of whom, I have decided that, now that I have AN EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF DWARFS, I should form a military. And go HUNT FOR AME'S LEATHER!


They don't need much in the way of armour, but they do need to all be Crossbowdwarfs. Make use of Mond's Mastercraft bolts!


Yes, weapon quality does have quite an effect on how powerful it is. Mastercraft bone bolts are all the way as powerful as....

Basic iron bolts.


Which, when you consider that I have a massive supply of iron ore and coal...


WE SHALL EXTERMINATE THIS HORSE MENACE ONCE AND FOR ALL!

TOO LONG HAVE OUR INNOCENT DWARFS BEEN SCARED OUT OF THEIR MINDS BY THESE CUTE, TIMID, PEACEFUL CREATURES!

So... many... cancelled jobs...


She is going into battle...


Carring a stone door!

Because she's too busy to just put it down!


Fuck yes dwarfs are awesome!


KILL! MAIM! BURN!

KILL!
MAIM!
BURN!


...
Okay, maybe they went a little bit overboard.




That better not seep into the water supply...


I TOLD YOU BUNNYTOTS! I TOLD YOU ABOUT THOSE ANIMALS!


Also, the horses have started getting into the storehouses now.

...somehow...


(I think they're trying to invade...)


And now GROUNDHOGS TOO!
Either I'm actually getting lucky now, with having an even better chance of bones/meat/leather, or this is just Nature's way of saying Fuck You!


...


Yup, definitely the latter.


DOOR HAS BEEN OMIPRESENTLY LOCKED TO STOP THE MADMAN FROM ESCAPING!


Yeah, normally when a guy doesn't manage to meet the contruction requirements in time, he just goes batshit crazy but doesn't actually harm anyone

Beserk, however, is where a Dwarf loudly proclaims "FUCK THIS SHIIITTTT!" and starts violently punching anything and everything in sight!


Thus, I have the military ready to utterly decimate their own kind!

Granted, they couldn't even kill a horse properly, but I'm sure they can handle one of their own kind!



Bunnytots does it a lot, after all!


Okay now it might be a problem.


And the Groundhogs mock me for it.


COLOURED BODY PARTS!

AFAIK:
Yellow represents bruised
Red represents broken
And Blue represents torn.

That... that's just PAINFUL!



It was also at this point that I read up on how there's a bug at the moment where Dwarfs can't pick up ammunition for crossbows. Which explains why they took so long killing a simple horse.

It also explains why Ame is in such horrible shape without dying. See, instead of firing at him, they are wailing on him with their crossbows!


Well, some of them don't actually have crossbows and are just beating him to death with their fists.


That's also approvable!


I mean look at that! All 10 of them are piled up together on the same square, just to be able to beat him up.


And he's not dying!

I'm not kidding! This fight is taking literal in-game days! SOMEday we might be able to reach a conclusion!



That...


That was not the conclusion I was hoping for.



And he STILL! WON'T! DIE!

LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD IN THAT ROOM!


Also, since he's going to die, let's see his DESCRIPTION PAGE!


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- OH COME ON!


"Her throat is torn open"!

HOW DO YOU SURVIVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!


And now everyone else is gathered around to watch too!


Well actually it's more of a case of them trying to clean up Squigzog's corpse and take his stuff away, but everytime they get there they realise OH FUCK THERE'S A CRAZY GUY IN HERE!

The process keeps repeating itself.
Apparently, they know where EVERY SINGLE SHOE IS but they never bother to actually spread the info about one of their own going insane!

Wow, maybe they really DIDN'T like Ame!




And yes, that is a wild Groundhog at the back of the croud there!
I TOLD YOU THEY WERE TAUNTING ME!


In fact, this battle has been going on so long that animal corpses are piling up in the doorway!


I... don't even know why.


YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! FINA-

Wait, he died... from suffocation?! Goddam, that better means his lungs were so badly beaten that he couldn't breathe! Because, after that INCREDIBLY MASSIVE BEATING, he died from being strangled...




Seriously, how can it take ten Dwarfs so long to take down just one?!


Naturally, the room starts filling up with miasma.

Miasma is pretty much where if you don't clear out your corpses and refuse soon enough, they turn really rotten and the whole air goes bad very suddenly.

It won't cause disease much (but it can), but it WILL cause unhappiness! And you want your Dwarfs to be pop flyin'!


An-OH JEEZUS GUYS CLEAN YOURSELF UP BEFORE YOU GO TRAINING!


SO... MUCH... BLOOD...


TANTRUMS!

Yeah, that's why you want your Dwarfs to be pop flyin'. If they're not, they can tantrum; which occasionally causes them to damage a building or attack a Dwarf. On one-off incidents, it's not a problem, but in cases like this where multiple people tantrum, it can easily lead to more incidents, and more unhappy Dwarfs, until EVERYONE gets really unhappy and start going insane!


It's known as a Tantrum Spiral! It doesn't happen much - at least, when everyone isn't dying - but it can happen.



OH FUCKING COCKMUNCH!

HEEEERE WE GO AGAIN!


Hm. Well at least he's claimed a Mason's Workshop. I always find they're the easiest to accomodate a Strange Mood for.


JEEZUS WOMAN! STOP POPPING OUT BABIES! THEY ARE FLIPPING USELESS IN THIS GAME BECAUSE OF HOW LONG THEY TAKE TO GROW UP!


In other matters, I think it's time I filled in the slot in the squad that Squigzog left. With Tabarnaco!


Also, remember where I said Zero's posession shouldn't be a problem?

I have conclusive proof that this game is now trying to royally screw me over!


MORE HORSE HUNTING YEAH!


OH WHAT THE HELL?! Why are you guys still using those flipping crossbows if you won't arm them?


I think that pretty much sums things up.
Y'see, Koeqepp hadn't actually picked up a hammer in his life.

He's getting all his experience from whacking things with a crossbow!


Also, Deiphobus has now reached Legendary status, only in a worthwhile skill this time! And without hacking my game, thank you very much Mond!

Oh, and in case you're wondering: a miner's skill decides:
1: How fast they mine
2: How often ore drops from the rock
In some cases that can be a bit of a problem, such as when you don't flipping want ore around!
Like in bedrooms!


....whoops, I guess that's why I hadn't un-equipped the guys the crossbows; I hadn't realised it yet.

Which is also why I made the target range.

My bad!


Also, another Hammerdwarf? Now it's getting ridiculous! I should really make better weapons for them to use!

Like hammers!


OH SHIT!

I don't even know what happened! Either the dog fell off a cliff, or that horse has a REALLY powerful kick! Because that message only appears if you hit the ground/rock/tree really really hard!


Maybe I should be more careful with those horses...


Mmm... seasoning!


Once again, we see that all this horse-hunting is just getting disgusting.

If you can't tell, that green stuff? That's horse vomit!

I did not even know horses vomit! Especially not that flipping much!


Okay this is the point where you need to take tantrums seriously. Unless you like PROPERTY DAMAGE!


Now's a good time I think to appoint a Sheriff to make sure he doesn't get out of hand!



Then I realised it would also require making a butt-load of jails and the Sheriff's demands, as well as the fact that the punishments are always utterly ridiculous, so I immediately revoke my decision.


...



I really really /really/ should've seen this coming!


Okay, so that's, what, three deaths now? And an inevitable fourth coming this way?

At least it's just regular crazyness and he won't hurt anyone. If I had to strike down another Beserker I would go insane myself!


Oh god... Falconer was married...

Oh... god...













Oh GOD!
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH FFFFFFFFFFFFFF-



-INGERS!

[Crushter]

Wait


isn't he dead

[Plasma]

FFFFF-

So apparently I can't tell the difference between 45.png and 46.png when typing adresses.

GO BACK AND LOOK AT THAT LAST PICTURE AGAIN IF YOU READ IT BEFORE I MADE THIS POST!

Wait


isn't he dead

Yes. I don't know why it was still showing.

Maybe Tabarnaco.... just hadn't found out yet!



Or maybe it just does that.

[Tabarnaco]

:/

[Darkin]

Hey, where am I, and why am I still alive? Sqiq and Ame died, yet I'm alive? What the hell?

[Darkin]

Hey, where am I, and why am I still alive? Sqiq and Ame died, yet I'm alive? What the hell?

[Plasma]

By the way, guys, I won't be giving out any character info to avoid spoilers, since I've played a bit further ahead. But I will say some things though.

Bunnytots have eight cats!

Falconer had two sons: Shoolis and Odds.

Also, there have been 70 deaths so far, including both animals and Dwarfs.

Hey, where am I, and why am I still alive? Sqiq and Ame died, yet I'm alive? What the hell?

I... never actually drafted you into the army, I guess.

Out of curiosity, how many people did I kill, if any?

One directly, but Falcon's death and Merlin's going-to-die-Beserkness were all because of you!

[Darkin]

Then what the hell do I do?