Let's Play Pokemon Platinum! [finished]

[Plasma]

I already did. Apparently, it is a very shiny tablet. Woop.


Geezus, it's a flipping stone! It's not the Oscars!


Couldn't resist.



SUDDENLY, FLOWERS! THOUSANDS OF THEM!


AH! A green hedgehog! So this is all the work of Gay Sonic!


...I just told you. A Gay Sonic.


Noo... really? What, a mysterious rock with an engraving... might do something magical? BLASPHEMY! This isn't a run-down inn, y'know!


Anyway, now to get back to LEGENDARY HUNTING!

Woo!



Err...



God, this route is long.


And so plain, too.



It's just a perfectly rectangular trail of flowers.



I'm going to have a long talk to Shaymin about land efficiency after this!



Oh god! The gayness is increasing! I can already feel myself turning.... womanly!



Also, I have a question: if Shaymin can create this much ground with ease, how come Team Magma never had an interest in it? I mean, it's not like it required any effort to meet him, all you have to do is go to a rock and say "thanks"!


I also can't help but notice that even the newly formed island with nothing but grass and flowers... ALSO has stairs!


Well now I guess we all know who Shaymin's favourite tennis player is! OH HO HO obscurejoke.

#
D'awwww, isn't it just so cuuute?


Tip: The answer is NO!


Ohhhh balls, it has a healing move! This is NOT going to be fun to try capture!


Welp, better get starte-


Wait, seriously? I caught it in ONE ball?



..This is obviouosly a testament of my super-human might!

And nothing to do with it having any sort of attraction to me. Nope, not a bit!


ITS EFFEMINITY KNOWS NO BOUNDS! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!


Appropriately named.


Even if it doesn't actually have a gender.


And now that Shaymin has been caught, multi-national industrial construction companies can come and completely desecrate this nice field to put down a building.


A JOB WELL DONE!


One of these days I'll evolve that Staravia!


This is definitely my most visited town.


IT'S BREEDING TIME!


Oh wow, I completely forgot about these dudes! Heheheh, I hope they still remember who I am!

...wait, no.
I hope they've completely forgotten who I am! Otherwise, I better call the hospital in advance!


Oh that's what you always say! Why can't you just admit that a Beldum and a Ditto can have feelings too?!


Do robots dream of gelatinous blobs?


In the meantime, MORE LEGENDARY HUNTING!


Oh, the memories...


HAH! Robots aren't made in factories! They're made in EGGS!


Y'know, how come my Pokemon never try to mate with any of those guys in there?

Actually, how powerful ARE those guys anyway? I mean, they've been in there since the fist time I've come to this town!


Today is a good day I think for re-catching Legendary Birds!


Hah! Look like's the gang's all here!


Well that was easy.


Hey, y'know what? SO CAN EVERY OTHER ICE POKEMON!


rofl


Oh hey look!

AN ANIMATED TRASHBAG!


OMG NINTENDO AR RIPPING OFF PIXAR AND MONSTARS INC!!!!!!1


[/yet another injoke]


Truly, the most descriptive message at all.


NOO, A CRACK! MY METAL OMLETTE IS RUINED!


...

*cough*

*ahem*


WOOOOOOOOOOOTINARY! A SHINY BELDUM!


Appropritately named.


Still, SHINY BELDUM! AND WITHOUT TRYING TO SPECIALLY BREED ONE, EITHER!


TOTALLY. WITHOUT. TRYING.

[Fooflyer]

beldumville

[Deiphobus]

are you gonna catch em all plasma

[Plasma]

are you gonna catch em all plasma

GOD no! Not in this game anyway.


Unless you mean legendaries. In that case... still no. I am just not interested in hounding down those birds!

[Plasma]

Hey guys, you know what time it is?


That's right, it's Shiny Pichu time! Don'cha just love WiFi events?


Also, this is a pretty good indication of just how long I've been delaying writing up this commentary!


Protip: that event sux! You get a notched-eared Pichu... which is the same as a regular Pichu but ith a different sprite, can't be traded, and it can't evolve. The only real benefit is that it has better Pokeathlon stats than a regular Pichu.


Yes, yes, we've already gone through this enough times already. You show up mysteriously and coincidentally at the very next Pokemart, and give me an item from nowhere in particular.


And yet I've genuinely run out of jokes on the matter!


Woop, now they're giving away live animals!

Also, why is the Pokemon's name in red? When I think "Pichu", I don't think evil!


Oh... kay...


What?


Umm...

I am okay with this.
It's like I always say, don't look a gift Legendary Pokemon Give-Awayer in the mouth!


Welp, might as well put it to use catching the other Regis.




Also, is it just me, or is there a distinct lack of jokes in this episode so far?


THEY KNOW MY SECRET! THEY'RE AFTER ME!


PfffffffFAHAHAHAH! Oh this is going to be fun!


Oh yeah, Slow Start: attack and speed are halved for 5 turns. It makes an otherwise BEAST of a Pokemon... a whole lot less useful in competitive matches. It's a lot like Slaking.

Of course, if it's paired up with a Pokemon with Skill Swap, it can be REALLY destructive! Especially as the skill-swap Pokemon doesn't become near-useless like with Slaking!


Of course, it doesn't have any effect on Special Attacks!


....of course, it's still incredibly fun to use once the 5 turns are up!


Oh now THAT is overkill!


There's only ONE place in the entire game where it's sandstorming... but I feel like it's been half the game! Why do I keep having to go through this one route?


Whoooops balls, I thought I already beat these guys.


I'm not exactly sure how I managed to miss them every time I went through here...


NotSwellow what are you doing you are not a competent fighter NotSwellow goddamn.


Why did you think that was a good idea NotSwellow?


Woop, more new Pokemon!


Aaaand I never actually noticed that Zangoose is asymmetric.


NOW YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNSEE THAT!


There's a cave there. It's a little hard to see, since it's sandstorming. And in the middle of the night. Just be glad that the moon is apparently a really bright source of light, since it isn't pitch black!


Oh hey look. Apparently somebody installed some ground lighting into this cave since I was last here!


Also, they built a statue too.

Wait what? How long was I on hiatus for?!


Also, how does something "exude power" anyway?


Hey, remember when their messages used to be in Braille? And were an actual puzzle? And not just "step on those lights"?


Yeah, that was really dumb. Good luck trying to figure it out without a guide!


What? "Something" changed in the air?

What the hell game, you can't just say things like "something changed in the air" and "the statue is exuding power"! THEY MAKE NO SENSE, DAMNIT!


Holy crap, the statue is talking!

IN A HILARIOUS WAY!


What do you mean "appeared"? I WAS LOOKING AT IT THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS IN THE ROOM!


Wait what?

THAT'S all the damage my False Swipe did to this thing? WHAT?

IT'S FLIPPING LEVEL 30, DAMNIT!


Aaaand he hits like a baby.


A BABY OF THE FEMALE PERSUASIAN!






After a long time of PUNCHING ROCKS, I finally get it down to 1hp.


I... am not entirely sure how this happened, actually.


I SEND OUT THE GOD OF THE REGIS HIMSELF!



But only for a minute, because Blissey needs revivan'


Heeyyyyy, you remember the way I said that I was skipping loads of screenshots if they weren't necessary?

IT'S WHY I DON'T HAVE ANY PP LEFT FOR SING!


GODDAM I HATE THIS WORTHLESS PILE OF ROCKS!
Yet, nontheless, IT MUST BE MINE!


Further use of items.


It's probably the reason why this is the only time I've played Pokemon where I didn't have HUGE PILES OF CASH ON HAND!


FIIIIINALLLY! Geezus that took its time! And about 30 Dusk Balls!


Aaaaand I still have two more of these guys to go.

God.
daisies.


I.... think I might have lost my creative touch a little...


Wait what? Why IS the statue still there? I thought I just caught the bloody thing!


Oh I don't care anymore. Let's just get the other two out of the way...

[PushDeButton]

What? "Something" changed in the air?

What the hell game, you can't just say things like "something changed in the air" and "the statue is extruding power"! THEY MAKE NO SENSE, DAMNIT!

1. It said exuding power, which makes perfect sense.

2.

There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, Fernando.

[Plasma]

1. It said exuding power WHICH IS DEFINITELY WHAT YOU SAID, NO EDITS INVOLVED, which makes perfect sense.

So... the statue sweats power?



Sense made.

[PushDeButton]

1. It said exuding power WHICH IS DEFINITELY WHAT YOU SAID, NO EDITS INVOLVED, which makes perfect sense.

So... the statue sweats power?



Sense made.

ex·ude (ɪgˈzud, ɪkˈsud)
v. ex·ud·ed, ex·ud·ing, ex·udes
v.intr.
To ooze forth.
v.tr.
1. To discharge or emit (a liquid or gas, for example) gradually.
2. To exhibit in abundance: a face that exuded self-satisfaction.

[Tabarnaco]

My brother's friend had Ruby and we figured out the Braille thing by ourselves, it was cool.
How did you get this Regigigas, anyway?

[Plasma]

ex·ude (ɪgˈzud, ɪkˈsud)
v. ex·ud·ed, ex·ud·ing, ex·udes
v.intr.
To ooze forth.
v.tr.
1. To discharge or emit (a liquid or gas, for example) gradually.
2. To exhibit in abundance: a face that exuded self-satisfaction.

NOTHING YOU ARE SAYING MAKES ANY MORE SENSE THAN WHAT I TOOK IT TO MEAN!

My brother's friend had Ruby and we figured out the Braille thing by ourselves, it was cool.
How did you get this Regigigas, anyway?

By event.



That may or may not have actually existed.


Really though, by editing the savefile with Pokesav. While the other events were entirely legit, this one was because the opportunity for four legendaries and an ice cave was too much to pass up for a LetsPlay.

[Cori]

Aaaand I never actually noticed that Zangoose is asymmetric.


NOW YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNSEE THAT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[PushDeButton]

ex·ude (ɪgˈzud, ɪkˈsud)
v. ex·ud·ed, ex·ud·ing, ex·udes
v.intr.
To ooze forth.
v.tr.
1. To discharge or emit (a liquid or gas, for example) gradually.
2. To exhibit in abundance: a face that exuded self-satisfaction.

NOTHING YOU ARE SAYING MAKES ANY MORE SENSE THAN WHAT I TOOK IT TO MEAN!

2. To exhibit in abundance: a face that exuded self-satisfaction.

As in, it exhibits power in abundance.

[Plasma]

2. To exhibit in abundance: a face that exuded self-satisfaction.

As in, it exhibits power in abundance.

...

...



Quiet you!

[Plasma]

Now to go find the second Regi! Which is... back in the mountain again...


Oh god...


Long story short: the Regi is right at the enterance to the cave... from the Snow Land side! Yeah. You can see why I'm going this way instead.


Aaaand once again nothing at all happens on Route 211. Fun.


I SURE AM PUTTING THIS CONTINENT-TOWING MEGABEAST TO USE!


LOOK AT THAT ROCK GO!


Ha ha hah! Oh Meditite, your willingness to go against a Level 70 Regigigas is amazing!


Ha ha hah! Oh Meditite, you do not know how much I despise you right now!


Have I mentioned that I REALLY FLIPPING HATE THIS MOUNTAIN?!

'Cuz I do.


But on the plus side, it's the one place in the game where you can catch the super-rare, ultra-powerful FEEBAS!


....on the downside, it is super-rare. It only appears on a random four tiles in this massive 612-tiles lake!

HAVE FUN TRYING TO CATCH ONE!

(protip: you're twice as likely to catch one in Gen3 than in Gen4)



Well that was wholely uneventful.


Apparently it only took 10 screenshots to get through the mountain.

TIME IS NOW MEASURED IN SCREENSHOTS, FYI!


This puzzle was really lame the first time. I don't know why on earth they thought it would be challenging done again.


Unlike Regirock, Regice seems to prefer Martial Arts!



Also, once again, I forgot to save before fighting the legendary. Whoops!


And once again, IT'S BATTLAN TI-



WELL FUCK!


(Superpower is a 120-power move. Superpower used by a Legendary is more than capable of BEING GOD-AWFULLY DESTRUCTIVE! ...fortunately, it also lowers Attack and Defence, so it keeps getting weaker every time.


Also, it doesn't work very well when you're asleep.


Silph Co must make BILLIONS out of how much I spend on Dusk Balls!



Wootinary R Us!


Math fact: that's -200 degrees Celsius. And yet it can't learn Sheer Cold. Apparently a flipping SPHEAL can make colder temperatures than this guy can!


Getit? Eh? EH? Because Regirock was called "A STATUE"?

I AM
SO

FUCKING

CLEVER!


Anyway, now to...



Oh...



Fuck.



See, my original plan was to go in that enterance really close to a city, make my way to Regice, and use an Escape Rope to get back to the city enterance instead of needing to bring Staravia along. That whole plan relied on me not being a fucking moron and walking out of the nearest exit. So now I can't take the easy route back and have to go through THE FUCKING SNOW ROUTES ALL OVER AGAIN!


I beat the fucking Pokemon League, you moron!


If this route has one thing going for it, it's Sneasel. Because these guys are just SO FUN to punch!

Sneasel/Weaville would probably make great Pokemon in actuality if not for the fact that they're extremely weak to FISTS!


...

God, I hate this route.


I really, really do.


I now hate it a tiny little bit less.


FREEEDOM! DELICIOUS, FREEZING FREEDOM!


Maaan would it ever suck if the PC system broke, or the electricity went.



Or Staravia died while at the top of a mountain.



Yeah...



..SO ANYWAY, REGI NUMBER 3!


AND FURTHER BOAT RIDES, WOO!


I still don't see why I can't just swim out here. I mean, it's not like my Pokemon get tired or anything, and there's no such thing as currents in this game!


Hey guys, are you in the mood for MORE GRAVELER?! CUZ I SURE HOPE SO!

[Ganelon]

If this route has one thing going for it, it's Sneasel. Because these guys are just SO FUN to punch!

Sneasel/Weaville would probably make great Pokemon in actuality if not for the fact that they're extremely weak to FISTS!

If you accept the fact that just about every decent attack can and will one-shot Weavile, its weakness to fists doesn't seem so crippling.

It's easily my favorite pokemon. 12th highest speed in the whole game and more than enough attack to one-shot most things with a weakness to Ice, Dark, or Fighting, and it looks cool to boot.