Pokemon Emerald Cry Edition: i.e. Lolita does a Nuzlocke

[Kamak]

But it's a Normal Type.

And it sucks.

[Madican]

Out of curiosity what was my Nature?

[keegster2]

I will not do anything productive up until the inevitable final battle where the power of friendship enables you to overcome the evil villain and I appear in the collage of dead friends.

And by main villain, you mean the champion?

[Rinoko]

I.....

I wasn't the first to die?

I don't believe it.

[Kamak]

It wasn't an accident.

It was planned.

[corsica]

it was more like i wasn't paying attention to the battle until i realized he was dead so uh

whoops

[Madican]

So it's a crime of negligence then.

Alright officers take her away.

[Kamak]

I mean, yeah, you can use these animals to beat the shit out of and kill eachother, but you neglected one?

That's unforgivable.

[Madican]

The League demands full attention for your murder machines.

[Kamak]

I wonder if that makes the Fishermen the worst monsters in the Pokemon world.

[Madican]

Magikarp are deemed dummy rounds.

[Alexandy13]

With Madichan out of the way. I have a chance to get a slot on the main team.

-Insert evil laughter and hand rubbing .gif here-

[corsica]

gotta go grind the shit out of my pokemon so they don't end up like madican

rip madican you managed to die doing what you did best: being terrible



w/e let's go grind



who the fuck is this asshole



beating up children will just never get old



wow what a pussy



in what goddamn universe are bug pokemon tough and cool



a wurmple is the epitome of tough and hardcore

except not

i beat him and take his cheddar



i battle this other kid who has a shroomish and a

ugh

lotad



that's

no

that's not how it works



goddammit vealin why are you still useless against rock types level up already goddammit



shouting out orders at your animal slaves made you tired?



aw man 100 more and i could blazed it all day erry day

i beat some more trainers that are not worth showing and i grind some more. grinding is the epitome of excitement and awe



all right fuckers



let's rock this joint



who the fuck is you



go away



don't take us gym trainers lightly he says as he throws out a level 8 geodude as his only pokemon



i'm pretty sure you can guess what happened



wait a second aren't the gym trainers supposed to be like kids training under the gym leader and not, what i'm assuming, middle aged hikers

he's training under the tutelage of a fucking 15 year old girl that's

oh i get it

i've seen enough hentai to know where this is going



i beat all the trainers and then went back to heal up for the ~*first gym battle*~



sup bitch



don't care let's battle



wow your hair makes less sense than mine



oh

a rock-type gym leader with a geodude

i guess you could say i'm

stoned-face from the revelation



get it because geodude is like a rock which can be called a stone



d

do you get it



oh you can just fuck right off roxanne



fuck you geodude



UGH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS



GEODUDES ARE THE DUMBEST PILES OF SHIT USE SOMETHING ELSE



what the fuck is a nosepass



fuCKING CHRIST WHAT IS THAT THING

GO BACK TO THE GEODUDES PLEASE



shit that's all that water gun does? ughhhhh



oh shit i forsee this ending poorly



hopefully i can just water gun it to death and be okay



why do you forsake me, jesus



fUCK OFF ROXANNE YOU STUPID BITCH STOP HEALING IT AND LET ME KILL IT



goddammit finally

and shinchar didn't even faint! you tried really hard shinchar you get a

gold star





you understand that you suck

glad we have an understanding about that



i leave and those aqua dumbasses are stealing shit




just fuck off i'll go get your shit back for you



ughhh



wtf who's this guy




oh is peeko like a nickname for your granddaughter or something

sure i'll get her back



slow down crazy slow down



wow i can't see a fucking thing



all right fucker u wanna go



oh gdflkp-fucking whismur



might as well



here goat you get to be named after a pokemon i'm going to shove into a box



all right now fucker u wanna go



hostage pokemon? wait i thought you had like--

oh

wow that's

that's really sad



w/e let's go



god they just look dumber and dumber every time



:(

madican...



upon further realization you were terrible so i feel no remorse



ballin'



your career in crime was a dead end to begin with



he says uninteresting shit then gives me the devon goods then leaves



just take the bird back you fucking weirdo



ok cool go away please



god damn there's obsessed and then there's this guy



fucker better have a reward for me




praise is nice but cheddar is better



better than nothing i guess



uh okay???



he takes me to the devon corp. building and i'm about to meet the president

man i am so

opposite of hyped




god fucking

fine



wow don't care

he gives me a pokenav and i ollie out to go deliver some packages

i thought i was a pokemon trainer not a courier this isn't the fallouts



then this guy comes out and tells me to check out the call feature on my pokenav

okay that's actually kind of nifty



i call the DevCo president as a test call and then bounce outta there to go deliver packages



oh

it's this asshole again



just shut up and battle me



no goddammit i don't wanna hit you up just battle me



there we go



i'm going to destroy you but have fun deluding yourself



what the fuck is that thing

just fucking destroy it oh my god



i beat him and bounce



i'm guessing since there is a boat and a dock here this guy can get me to dewford





oh my god i have to share a boat with this creep

ugh fine



it's time to stop




jesus christ there are rocks right there don't kill us oh my god




finally i can get the fuck away from you

have fun getting arrested on bestiality charges that may or may not be coming to you

[[Citation Needed]]

Another chance for Abra in the cave!

FINGERS CROSSED.

Liking this LP, very entertaining!

[Madican]

Only way an Abra is going to be caught in a Nuzlocke is if the lead Pokemon just so happens to have a paralyze or sleep ability.