Pokemon Emerald Cry Edition: i.e. Lolita does a Nuzlocke

[corsica]

shut up dan



okay now that i'm all healed up it's time to fuck around



the path ahead of me has boulders blocking the way and the house on the bottom right has rock smash so let's go get it and beat the shit out of those rocks



his dialogue is not noteworthy at all besides being really dumb



chimaera is the only pokemon on my team that can learn it so i guess that narrows it down



he still doesn't know any water-type moves and i'm not using any TMs on him lol so he sucks



this is trainer hill. we'll visit this a while later



these are the winstrates they're really really easy to beat but they think they're ~*h4rdc0r3*~ even though they're a nuisance at best



what gave it away the fact that i'm one of the few people in the world with an individual sprite or the fact that i might as well have a big fucking neon sign flashing above me that says "TRAINER"



well EXP is EXP so let's do this



i sense this going poorly



it had a berry or s/t that healed it. its super-effective moves aren't very troubling since it's a dumbass ho so we're kind of in a stale mate since my attacks aren't very effective but his are but are still really shitty



whatever lol i still beat his crusty ass anyway



yeah no this isn't even worth showing

all that really happened was pumkin leveled up and i replaced sing with assist



your pokemon are shit and so are you



then the mom comes out and she's exponentially worse than the dad

wow nintendo how sexist check your privilege



just beat the shit out of it please roselia is only good when it gets an evolved form

so basically roselia sucks and roserade is ballin'



all you sent out was a shitty grass pokemon inferior to vileplume in every way how the fuck did you think this was going to pan out



sorry kid i'm stronger than your mom as a trainer and a hooker

i can take any pound attack if you know what i mean







your marill is shit tier compared to mine

marcato beats the shit out of it easily



numel might be a bit more of a challenge though



lol guess not



your ass got kicked by my butterfly

B)))))))))))



yes now go cry about it you little twat



oh wait she actually did cry haha fuck yes my day just got exponentially better



lol yeah it was pretty funny



fuck you old lady i'm gonna shove metamucil right in your cervix



meditite is so awful i hate meditite so goddamn much



high jump kick is super annoying pro tip

it's great when they miss tho



but when they don't miss it's fucking annoying and it did meditate twice so it does an irritating amount of damage, even to sia



oh fuck right off



haha take that fucker i absorbed the life energy right out of you. i'm basically queen beryl



your granddaughter is a whore



after i beat the shit out of them they invite me inside, but all they do is talk about how great and perfect their son is. the only thing that you get is a macho brace from the mom so nobody else is worth talking.



i go back and heal for the journey ahead



haha fuck you rock



are you kidding me



how could this happen to me
i made my mistaaaakes
got nowhere to ruuuuun
the night goes on as i'm
fading awaaaay



geodude is not even worth the PP



why the fuck are there reporters

oh man holy shit if i get up in their face and bother them i might get on tv yessssss



hey i wanna be on tv hey hey lemme be on tv



wait interview aw man this is gonna be so awesome



what the fuck this isn't



oh goddammit



keeg leveled up and i switched out tackle with headbutt



get on my level scrubs



ugh can i just have my interview please



god you guys are terrible






that seems about right



ok i'm just gonna

go



after healing i fight this dummy



oh boy



why are all these kids just sitting out here waiting to battle

don't they need food

where are their parents



lol l8r h8r



oh fuck you how the fuck was i supposed to know you were there




that went about how you would expect it to



haw fuck yes time to catch another pokemon



or not okay fuck you too game



whatever let's just go beat the shit out of some more children



ha

hahahahahahah

hahahahahahhahaahahhahaha

hahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahhahha



spoilers: he cried like a bitch



haha oh shit soooooonnnnnnn





good job now you can be super fucking useful



then i replaced headbutt with mach punch and isn't that just super exciting



i wanted pumkin to level up some more so i gave her the exp share



i beat a couple more trainers then move on



well my body is solid from the pounding i always get

;)



he sent out three geodudes to prove himself a force to be reckoned with



sadly the shock from his shitty pokemon being beaten by a literal fighting cock was too much for him and he cramped up and died later

rip hiker man

his corpse made me register him in the pokenav though ugh




oh god give me whatever he's on




oh my god what is wrong with this guy



who are these fucks




i don't know about you but i sure do love obvious foreshadowing



i also like obvious hints about where i should go next



ugh fuck you i guess i'm off to fallarbor

all right that's all for this update. sorry it was kinda boring but i took over 500 screenshots and i'm gonna have to split this up

l8rrrr

[[Citation Needed]]

You messed up one of the img tags.

Also did Geodude count as your one Pokemon for that route or did you get something else before?

[keegster2]

I AM THE BEST POKEMON

[corsica]

You messed up one of the img tags.

Also did Geodude count as your one Cockfighting Society for that route or did you get something else before?

i just ignored it

basically you can only catch one pokemon per route but you don't have to catch it if you don't want to

[iamthelordhitman]

lolita you dont need someone to post for you, you can copy your old post, delete it then repost with the copy'd old post and then put in new stuff

[TerraChimaera]

Teach me some goddamn water-type moves

[corsica]

hahahahaha naahhhhh

[Rinoko]

All I ask is that you use me as long as necessary and then let me die mercifully. It's bound to happen at some point.

[corsica]

lol i'll probably shove you in a box or s/t

[Kamak]

I will say, if you catch a Tropius, I'd like to request it be named after me.

I will be a majestic flying banana dinosaur palm tree. Just like my mother always wanted.

[corsica]

uh okay

well i'm gonna like

update later

or something

edit: ok update now lets do this



look at all this fire in the fiery path



oh man maybe i'll catch a numel or something cool



nevermind

since machop is garbage i don't catch it and move on instead



oh my god the exit is right there just let me go jfc



hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

go away demon spawn



thank god



finally, fresh air and non-shitty pokemon



i pick a few berries before i battle those guys to my right



ok i was prepared for a double battle but i guess not



translators note: he means his pokemon are shit



i was going to say something witty but then this screenshot came up



no homo, ma'am



she says she's somewhat decent

i'm sure you are

just not in this universe



proof she's shit: she has a fucking roselia get a gloom and be better at life



i take her cheddar and go



baaaaalls i need to go there so i can get a trapiiiinnncchhhh



i toughen them up how i toughen up my men: with whips and hot wax

;))))



you're a goddamn flunky trainer you are not allowed to use potions motherfucker



oh shit

well that shitty electrike almost took out marcato but marcato managed to pull through



haha fuck youuuu



wailmer is mad cute despite being as useful as magikarp



he is beaten in an unsurprising turn of events



who even says behooves



a'ight i'm gonna skip this guy's dialogue and tell ya'll what's what

in gen 3 by using the move secret power that this guy gives you, you can make your own secret base in any tree that isn't part of a forest, like that one, or in a cave with a small indent in it as you might've seen in some of my other screen shots. you can put plushes, rugs, chairs, plants, etc. in the secret base and it's pretty neat, actually. it doesn't actually accomplish anything, but it's a nice little effect all on its own

they tried to do this again in gen IV but it wasn't as effective as you had to do shit with your friends in the underground to get rocks out of your base and get more space, and if you're like me and didn't have a DSi or up and had to deal with the shitty non-wifi on the ds lite, well, the only thing worth doing in the underground was screwing around digging up gems and stuff



i ollie away from him and go to this house off from the road. you can heal your dumb pokemon up by sleeping in this old lady's house



she's pretty rad



except for that she's really pushy on getting you to stay there like 20 million times so you have to make sure you don't fuck up and say yes 20 times like i did

btw if you get interviewed by gabby and ty your interview gets featured on a tv. the tv is kinda eh but if you want to feel narcissistic and indulge your ego you can watch it whenever



i also forgot to mention that you can only get up these hill things if you have the mach bike

gotta go fast



2 fast 2 furious



but that

but that's the point of the game



all he did was send out a lone machop and it was lame as hell



i talk to this lady and she gives me a razz berry

oh

a razz berry

nintendo you clever fucks



me trying

hahahahahahahahahahh



why is your hair green



i hate wingull with a burning passion

like it's unfathomable



i should probs switch out tho



oh my god just fuck right off



assist is a really luck based move but it's really good if you get a good move unlike what i got



god why do you torture me so



i switch to keeg because pumkin was low on health and keeg takes it down

wingull is awful i am never catching one



then she sent out numel and numel is shit tier so i took it down easily



ugghhhhhhhhhhhh



god dammit just go away

let me get to fallarbor please



i go back and heal up before heading on any farther



i'm so close i can taste it

or maybe that's the volcanic ash



ugh oh my god just let me get to fallarbor please



spinda is mad cute but mad useless



caught it anyway tho



have fun being shoved in a box, cori



these little pockets of sand usually have shit in them so i'm gonna try and get as much stuff as i can



oh boy



always get koffing first always always always get koffing first

baltoy is shit so don't even focus on it



i beat them and take their lunch cheddar



then there's this nerd i have to fight ughh



why is he talking to me like a shy anime girl trying to impress their senpai



the fuck kinda name is wyatt



he sends out two arons to try and impress me and unfortunately i beat their fucking heads in

gomen



i beat a few more trainers and get another person registered in the pokenav before i continue on



...wow



how unexpected



all right i'm almost there. better fight this little shit before i forget



koffing is so awful i hate koffing so much



uuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhh



PROOF OF WHY KOFFING SUCKS SO HAAAARRRDDDDD



keeg manages to pull through thankfully



ughhh



if i can get pumkin to lower its accuracy enough hopefully if it selfdestructs it'll miss



pumkin manages to take out the second koffing after i heal her poisoning a few times



all right marcato it's up to you to take on the last one do you think you can do it



cmon i know you can do thissss



oh



...



i



why do i keep fucking up



i'm sorry



look this isn't a good time i'll talk to you later at your house



i'm so sorry



fucking hell

[[Citation Needed]]

need moar LP

[vealin99]

In memoriam:

[Cori]

Oh boy I'm useless

Just like real life~!

[Rinoko]

I KNEW IT