AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Secrets are always welcome. Thanks for the tip.

Mr. Mander wrote:Secrets are always welcome. Thanks for the tip.

You're welcome
Secrets are always touchy. It turns into the person going "Wow thanks dude!", "Eh, I already knew", or "Gah! I wanted to find it on my own " and I don't like ruining stuff like that for people, specially if its a first run.

Watching my brother play when we were both little (I helped sometimes), we didn't know you had to feed Jabu-Jabu a fish to make him open his mouth.
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET INSIDE HIS MOUTH WHEN IT'S CLOSED?!

It doesn't even make sense but you can. With much difficulty.

And then my brother just tried to carry Ruto out of Jabu-Jabu even when she said not to, and WE HAD TO DO THE WHOLE PROCESS OVER AGAIN, ARGH.

I begin by picking up a Fairy Power.

Thank you Koeqepp



Also here is the fairy because it would be rather contradictory to not show breasts at every given opportunity.



Now I swim back to Jabu Jabu

He doesn't seem big enough to contain an entire dungeon.



First I run down to Zora Village and snatch a fish.



OPEN WIDE MR. JABU



NOT THAT WIDE AAAAAAGH



He looks much bigger on the inside.



All you voraphiles can start fapping now.



The doors in this place are disgusting. Everything about this place is disgusting. My boots are sinking into his soft intestinal flesh.

I'm not wearing pants. If I fall over I am getting something very unpleasant all over my legs.



...CAN I GO A SINGLE DUNGEON WITH A GIANT HOLE



Hey look it's the princess

This was easier than expected.



Well maybe not



This is going to be just as annoying as I expected.

Yeah.



And I have to carry her.

My godlike upper body strength comes in handy again.



God you are fat, fishface.



I hulk this load of sushi around the fish's stomachs for a long time.



Lots of things happen, most of them uncaptionable.



These electric parasites, though, are very captionable

Captionable with TERROR



This switch doesn't take me anywhere. Guess I get to go the other way.

Past the electro-parasites.



Hey, she actually came in handy here.

My weight wasn't enough to trigger the switch, but her fat booty was more than enough.



There's some sort of monsters in the floor.

I have a plan.



MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, FATASS



This works surprisingly well.

She is also very compliant with being used as a weapon.

On anyone else that would be considered attractive.



With her incredibly overweight help, the floor-thingies are easily defeated.

THERE IS A CHEST



ITEM GET

BOOMERANG

I have nothing funny to say about this, it's just a boomerang.



I can throw it at things, namely these tentacle thingies.

It is an uninteresting combat tool.



I run around a few more times to kill more things with the boomerang.



There are a few more of these tentacle things.

I kill all of them.



I also find that silly fishface again.

Not that I care about her at all, or anything.

Don't be S-stupid.



I just need her to find the stone, is all...



Oh

Well, gee. That was fast.



Umm

RUTO ITEM GET



That sounds like a good idea and we should do it immediately bef-



OF COURSE



Why are you surprised!? This game was made in Japan!

Anyway, no one is allowed to harass Fishface but me.



This thing is unimaginably ugly.

Looking at it is like being punched in the eyes.



I am going to kill the ugly right off of it.



It fades away into nothingness, sparing the world of it's gruesome village.



I'm coming, Ruto!

To harass you and mock your weight, of course. Stupid Fishface.



These jellyfish are obnoxious. My boomerang is rather useful for killing them.



There are also some Jelly Platforms my boomerang is useful for.



Switches that normally require Ruto to activate can be activated via boxes.

See that Ruto? That is how little you mean to me. A box can replace you.



This the largest room I've been in so far. It is FAR larger than Jabu-Jabu appeared on the outside.

The Law of Conservation of Mass would like a word with you, Hyrule.



See that little skull down in the righthand corner? That means a boss is in the next room.

I have 1 and 1/2 hearts and no healing items.



LET'S DO THIS



Great, the boss is a swarm of jellyfish.

How could this get worse?



WORSE HAS BEEN GOTTEN



LIGHTNING FLAILS

OH GOD



Eat boomerang you electrostatic ball of slime!



Same to you, smaller electrostatic balls of slime!



This screenshot did not end well for Lonk.



I take out it's Lightning Flails and it starts hurling lightning bolts about.

PROGRESS



I really need to get a weapon that doesn't require me standing next to the giant parasite of doom.



Navi has failed to tell me to avoid the lightning.

I am pleasantly surprised.



It should be almost done now.



It still has the health to chuck more lightning at me. Of course.



It dies, but somehow I think it is about to get even more unpleasant.



This does not bode well for the state of my clothing.



Barinade explodes into a slimy storm of pus and infection.

Nurgle would be proud.



I'm already coated in Barinade filth, why not dig around a little?



Good, a new heart container.

That's one heart farther away from instant death when I fight Ganosedorf.



I think Barinade also spat Ruto out or something. She just kind of showed up in that portal.

I wasn't really thinking about her.



Is she blushing?



Quit stuttering.

I have a world to save. You just happen to be part of that world, you know.



Yes, that is exactly what I need.

Thanks for getting it eaten, by the way. That was really helpful.



...

Well

...



Looks like it's wedding bells for Lonk and Fishface

On the brighter side of things, I now have all three of the Spiritual Stones needed to save the world. I can finally stop worrying about being killed every time I turn around.

Only one thing left to do here in Zora Village.



Fuck you.

I enjoy that the Octorok apparently has a gruesome village.

And did I sense some tusundre between Lonk and Fishface?

oh man that was gross

I find the abandoned well creepier.

God I hate Jabu-Jabu.

I'm glad they haven't revisited such a themed dungeon in the more recent titles.

Torizo wrote:I enjoy that the Octorok apparently has a gruesome village.

Mr. Mander, might I suggest submitting your posts to a copy editor first? This way, you will only be mocked on your ability to play and make humor.

I can't believe that it took me this long to realize that Ruto is a tusundre.
Also, I can't wait until Yeili sees this.

Gawsh, I hated the Jabu-Jabu temple.
LOL Ruto.

Mr. Mander wrote:

I begin by picking up a Fairy Power.

Thank you Koeqepp

You are now in possession of a spell I only used once. Glad I could help.

Mr. Mander wrote:Only one thing left to do here in Zora Village.



Fuck you.

Glad I'm not the only one to do that

scebboaliwiw wrote:I can't believe that it took me this long to realize that Ruto is a tusundre.

Um at the risk of sounding like a noob, What's a tusundre? '>.>

tusundre is basically when someone says, "OH HEY, I BAKED YOU THIS COOKIES, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING." Stuff along those lines. Sceb could probably explain it better, though.

Koeqepp wrote:

scebboaliwiw wrote:I can't believe that it took me this long to realize that Ruto is a tusundre.

Um at the risk of sounding like a noob, What's a tusundre? '>.>

I'm no good at explaining things, but a tusundre is a character defined by acting mean towards someone they're in love with to hide the fact that they're in love with the person. More commonly, it's used to describe someone who switches between two different moods a lot, but this isn't what the term is supposed to mean. Here's the TV Tropes page for it.

Torizo wrote:tusundre is basically when someone says, "OH HEY, I BAKED YOU THIS COOKIES, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING." Stuff along those lines. Sceb could probably explain it better, though.

I didn't know that tusundre had such trouble with english.

>Clicks Sceb's article
>First thing is a quote from Hey Arnold's Helga

I TOTALLY CALLED IT