Well, I got my staff, I got my servants, and I got my fists. I think it is time to tell those order punks to
get the hell off my lawn
CHAAAAAAARGE!
Wait where is everyone?
...I expected, you know, an army or something.
Not... nothing.
Oh wait here they come
BIG BATTLE
I use the staff I have.
Let's see what this thing does!
Everyone simply stops moving.
They bodaciously just freeze.
Completely.
...
I think I like this staff
Of course, the way the forces of order are getting in are through those two order alters I pointed out
a very long time ago.
Maybe, if someone, I don't know,
listened to me earlier and
did something about these things while we had the chance, we wouldn't be in this mess! But
noooo! We had to do things the
hard way!
I start punching a few knights of order to death.
There actually aren't all that many for a climatic final battle. There only seems to be around 3-5.
I also use the staff of Sheogorath again. Just because.
I doubt I will ever get tired of everyone freezing like this.
I am going to abuse the
hell out of this staff.
...Assuming I don't get annihilated by the angry god that is bound to show up...
Anyway, I kill the only priest of order there is (you'd think they'd bring more than one for the climatic final battle, especially considering there is more than one alter) and shut down the two alters.
It is really easy to overload them since I had like 15 hearts of order in my inventory.
How anticlimatic! Seriously, this is all just so easy and
boring! They call
this a final battle!? I'm downright disappointed! The forces of Order should be
ashamed of themselves! Why, if
I were in charge of Order, I'd-
Wait what the hell why are all the knights of order being sucked into the sky through a glowing portal of doom
Did they destroy GLaDOS when I wasn't looking?
Oh hey look it's Jyggalag
He... uh... looks fairly rustled off.
And really big.
And wielding a sword that is bigger than me.
...Yeah...
...Well, I'm screwed.
He immediately starts giving me a beating unlike anything I had experienced before.
Wait, I know! I'll use the staff!
That must be the way I can defeat this angry god! The staff will probably make him explode or something!
...Orrrrrr it will have absolutely no affect whatsoever.
...I do believe I just wet myself.
...Well, this isn't
that bad, right? I just have to take down a giant, angry, sword wielding god of Order
with my bare hands.
...Okay, yeah, maybe it is that bad.
...I am considering not getting up again and just letting him kill me now.
It would probably be quicker that way...
...Okay... come on... I can do this... just have to concentrate... get him with a good right hook, then hit him with an uppercut...
Also not getting cleaved in half by his giant sword might help.
I am punching a god.
I am punching a god that is trying to kill me.
This is the most badass yet suicidal thing I have ever done.
...At least I'll probably get a legend or something about me once I'm dead...
Ugh. He just keeps doing damage, and my fists seem to do
nothing. I can't heal as fast as he hurts!
Okay, you know what!? I've
had it!
That guy thinks he can just teleport in to
my realm in
my palace and then walk all over my
nice neat lawn?
NO
If I die, then
so be it! I've come to far to give up now!
Jyggalag, prepare to learn what it is
truly like to feel the wrath of
Charlie Manhuge! No enemy has managed to defeat me yet, and
that ain't about to change now!
PREPARE TO DIE, THE CHARLIE MANHUGE WAY
I'm actually doing it.
I'm actually fighting a god with my bare hands
and I'm doing damage!
I might actually have a chance!
Fighting Jyggalag, even with the help of a semi-cheesy "I will never give up" speech, is not easy.
He is one brutal fighter.
I think I have been hit with enough lightning from this guy to power a medium sized town for a week.
I am low on health, I'm running out of potions, and I can't use healing ma
gic fast enough. I am not good condition.
Jyggalag doesn't look like he's doing so well either.
I just have to go in for the kill while I
still have the chance
...I did it?
I DID IT!
I'M NOT DEAD
I MANGED TO KILL A
GOD WITH MY BARE FISTS!
Haha! Let that be a lesson to all you so-called "immortal" deities out there, you mess with Manhuge, you
die!
The body soon disappears.
That's a shame. I've always wanted to loot the corpse of a god.
...Uh...
...Why is there a glowing portal floating over my lawn?
I am not sure I like where this is going.
Jyggalag's head appears. He then gives me a whole bunch of backwtory I don't care about.
Due to the lack of subtitles, you guys can't read what he said. I'll summarize it for you.
Jyggalag had a great empire. He was conquering everything. The other gods were like "shit, man, I like my realm and he might conquer it" so they decided to make him insane
The end.
Anyway, by defeating him, I've ended the cycle and stopped the Greymarch and now Jyggalag can go frolic wherever he pleases without having to deal with re-conquering his own realm and only truly being himself during the Greymarch.
I guess that means I didn't
completely kill Jyggalag, I only
kind of killed him.
I feel slightly less badass now, but still, that's impressive, right?
The portal then vanishes.
...What a jerk.
He could have at least had the decency to clean all these bodies off my lawn. Look at this mess! It's going to take exactly three in-game days for these to get cleaned up!
I head back into my throne room. I do not recognize that lady in the dress right there.
Apparently she's a healer.
Since I'm still just a
little bit sore from my battle to the death with
god, I tell her to heal me.
Holy crap!
Look at the top right corner!
THAT IS A VERY LOT OF HEALING SPELLS
A VERY VERY LOT
Anyway, I decide to go talk to my ma
gic butler. He probably has something to say right now.
"Matters"? I hope you don't mean I have to
work or anything.
Ugh, duties I must attend to? That doesn't sound fun at all! I was hoping being lord of the realm just meant that I get to say "I'm a god" and sit in a fancy chair! I didn't expect to, you know, actually have to
lead anything!
I can handle fights on my own. NEXT
Sounds dumb. NEXT
Sounds... really awesome, actually. NEXT
Sounds useful. NEXT
Aww, that's a shame. It would have been awesome to show off to everyone back in my old dimension that I had control of the weather.
Just let the armies do it. I have better things to do than protect settlements whose occupants were probably already murdered by me anyway.
I tell him I want entertainment. Just to see what the entertainment is.
A lady walks in, bows, and starts dancing.
The dance resembles someone drowning in slow motion.
Remind me to never request entertainment here again.
Enough of these shenanigans. It is time for me to approach my throne.
Also, where the hell were those guards right there when I was, you know,
fighting the final battle with order!? Cowards.
Oh, look, they left some clothes for me on my throne.
That was very thoughtful of them.
...Whoever "they" are.
Well, here I am. After all this time, I've finally become a ruler of my own realm.
...Eh, it isn't as great as I expected.
