Welcome Now to OBLIVION! An Elder Scrolls Let's Play.

[Zink]

I figure once Charlie Manhuge has been shoehorned into helping pretty much all of Cyrodil, he should kill it. Kill every last non-essential citizen.

I have been planning to do this since almost the very beginning.

[Mr. Mander]

Murder by Proxy

awesome

Now you don't even have to be there to kill people.

[Superior Bacon]

Charlie Manhuge is now the best murderer ever.

[Squigzog]

Charlie Manhuge is now the best murderer ever.

[Trygve]

Where is all the sex on this page?

[Zink]

Anyway, I head back to Sheogorath's Palace to find ou-



...You can't tell because there were no subtitles, but that Dark Seducer just called me the duchess of Mania.

What the hell?



"After all"? Haven't I already proved myself worthy? I'm certainly more capable than your cannon fodd- I mean Dark Seducers and Golden Saints.




Suddenly, I stop getting a close up of Sheogorath's face, yet I am unable to move. That usually means that an NPC is about to talk with a different NPC and I am supposed to watch.



Yep, I was right. There's a Dark Seducer (a male one, the first male to appear in this LP). He brings news about some sort of attack at some sort of place.

Also, I'm sorry, but what the hell is he wearing?



I'm guessing that I'm expected to single handedly fight off the forces of order now, right?

Why can't your armies just handle something themselves for once?

I ask him where Jyggalag is, because I actually don't have any other choice of conversation.



PLOOOOOOOT TWIST!



Oddly enough this really doesn't seem to change all that much.

Anyway, I talk to the Dark Seducer.



OH BOY, I CAN'T WAIT TO DO ALL THE WORK FOR THEM!



Seriously, though, what the hell is this guy wearing? I mean... what the hell? Why would anyone wear something like that on purpose?

What a weirdo...



On my way to Pinnacle Rock, I am attacked by more hungers.



DAMMIT YOU GUYS I MAY BE AN ELF AND I MAY BE A VIRGIN BUT I AM NOT A GIRL! HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE TO GET YOU GUYS TO REALIZE THAT!? DO I NEED TO TAKE OFF MY PANTS AND SHOW YOU MY PENIS?

DO I!?



Luckily, Hungers can't swim, so I simply head across a lake to escape.



As I near Pinnacle Rock, I find some Dark Seducers standing outside the ruins.



Syl? I should have known!

...How does one go about defecting to the Forces of Order, anyway? Aren't the knights of order soulless abominations? How on earth are you supposed to join them when their leader is busy being the lord of Madness?



Why would they capture the captain, anyway? Do they have any reason to? Wouldn't it make more sense just to kill her and get it over with?





Well, I really must point out that I have conquered Dementia. Thus, I am the Duke of-

WAIT A MINUTE!

If Syl still lives, doesn't that mean that she is still, technically, the Duchess of Dementia? Well, she isn't really, but as long as she still lives I will be unable to call myself the Duke of Dementia!

Someone remind me to add "Kill Syl" to my to-do list.

Anyway, I head into Pinnacle Rock. Maybe Syl will be there.



Dead Dark Seducers are everywhere. These guys are really terrible fighters, aren't they?



The forces of order are, obviously, everywhere.



However, thanks to the help of that one named Seducer and her two generic unnamed warriors, killing the knights is much less time consuming.



I would probably appreciate their help more if they didn't immediately turn on me after the first battle.

I have no idea why they are attacking me. Maybe they don't like me because I am the Duke of Mania, or maybe I accidentally punched them during the fight.

Whatever the case is, it is one of the worst mistakes they will have ever made.



I make short work of them. THAT, my friends, is why you never betray Charlie Manhuge!

You can't really tell which bodies belong to the warriors and which were already there when I came in, though. Only two were the warriors I killed.



I beat the captain into a coma, too. When she regains consciousness, she seems much less hostile. She probably learned her lesson.



Once again, I am baffled by the fact that a Dark Seducer base contains statues of nothing but men.

Really, it makes no sense. Whatsoever.



A little while later, I find some male Dark Seducers.

Although they are fighting the order knights now, they were in the same room together before I entered. They actually didn't start fighting until I came in. Maybe they became friends or something or were having a conversation but when I came in they were all like "oh shit quick we need to start fighting or we will be marked as traitors"



As he looked at me and said this, he realized something. I was male. And yet I was able to fight just as well as the females. He then started to wonder why this was. Perhaps, he realized, men were not as inferior to women as he had initially thought. He began questioning the entire way Dark Seducer society was built, and vowed to one day change this. He was the Mazken that started what became known as "The men's rights movement"



At least, he would have, if he wasn't killed by a knight of order almost immediately because male Dark Seducers are about as useful as brightly colored camouflage.

Male mazken are just embarrassingly terrible.



I finally find the captured captain. She is in a cage made out of crystals.



Chime? What chime? I don't see any-



Oh, it's over here. How the hell did I manage to miss this coming in? It's right in front of the daisies doorway!

Anyway, I ring the chime and the cage breaks.




Wow, you'd think someone would have had the decency to tell them that Syl had defected. This all could have easily been avoided with better communication!




So, apparently, the wellspring is what the Dark Seducers (and presumably Golden Saints) use to come back from the dead.

I can see why they think it is so important. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to abuse the grand magical force known as "the save function" like I am in order to avoid death.



However, Order has apparently made it to the Wellspring, as the two captains turn to stone or something.

Apparently turning off the wellspring does this.

...Yeah, I don't get it either.



Why do priests of order always try to run away? They should just accept their fate and realize that being punched to death is their destiny, and embrace it rather than avoid it.

You have to admit, it is definitely an interesting way to go.

\

I'm guessing that weird pyramid thing is the wellspring. Or, at least, where the wellspring usedto be before Order put a pyramid thing on top of it.



After destroying the nearby Forces of Order, I run around the room hitting chimes until the thing explodes.



Wow, the wellspring actually looks... really unimpressive.

Huh.



I can now summon both Golden Saints and Dark Seducers! What fun!



Armor too? Wow, this is actually a really good day in the way of rewards!

Unfortunately, Syl seems to have escaped. Oh well. I'll just kill her another day.



Oh god.

This armor... it's so... ugly

This is the kind of thing that, if you ever see your friend wearing it, you take a picture of them and post it on the internet for them to be laughed at for eternity.

It is that bad



Someday, I want to see an attack from order that can be held off without me singlehandedly slaughtering all their knights with my bare hands.

[Superior Bacon]

ololol male dark seducers

[MacFluffers]

Sheogorath has Mutliple Personality disorder!

/understatement

[Aranai]

I figure once Charlie Manhuge has been shoehorned into helping pretty much all of Cyrodil, he should kill it. Kill every last non-essential citizen.

I have been planning to do this since almost the very beginning.

Oh really? Then MOAR USEFUL INFOS!

You can disable the Essential NPC status of everyone by fiddling with your Oblivion.ini file (My Documents/My Games/Oblivion). Search for and change the following:

bForceReloadOnEssentialCharacterDeath=0
bEssentialTakeNoDamage=0

Then essential NPCs go back to the old Morrowind format, where it tells you that you severed the threads of prophesy and something about a doomed world, blah blah blah, yay violence!

Hope I wasn't too late this time. @_@

[gigoergong]

I can't believe I missed the updates! Well, yea, actually I can.

But what do you mean, you can't get your hand-to hand up anymore? Get into the Arcane University, to the spellcraft, and make a spell on self that lowers your hand-to-hand, then find someone to either teach you hand-to-hand, or to punch to death, and presto, your skill surpasses the level 100 mark.

[Sleuth]

Putting the fate of the world in the hands of one person is such a monumentally horrible idea. If you bet on the wrong horse and send Michael McAveragepants out to save the day, you're pretty much boned. What they really need is a space/time bending Justice League of Single-Handed Saviors. It kind of defeats the purpose of being a single-handed savior, but if you had both the Morrowind and Oblivion hero together to stop Merhunes Dagon, the quest would be a hell of a lot easier.

[Mr. Mander]

I heard that the Nerevarine went on a quest to Akavir and hasn't been heard from since!

[Sleuth]

I heard that the Nerevarine went on a quest to Akavir and hasn't been heard from since!

His quest was to find a time machine to start the Justice League of Single-Handed Saviors. At least SOMEONE has some initiative. That, or maybe h just needed a vacation. He basically killed Satan. I'd take a break after all that.

[Zink]

Since I am done with Pinnacle Rock, I head back to New Sheoth, enter the palace, blah blah blah you know the drill.



...Uh... Sheogorath? That... doesn't sound insane at all.

...Are you feeling okay?



...That sounds slightly more insane, but still... are you feeling okay?



So, wait, you mean I spent all that time fighting the forces of order for nothing?

I HATE YOU




Wow, Sheogorath sounds really sad about this. That's... really depressing. Sheogorath isn't supposed to be sad! He is supposed to be really pop flyin' all the time except for the times where he is slightly angry!

THIS IS ALL SO WRONG!

I ask him what happens now.



Well, that's a shame, but things happ- wait did you just say "and you with it"?

...I don't like how that sounds.



Pfff. Like you could slay me. I may be a mortal, but I can kick everyone ever's booty, and I'm pretty sure you go under the category of "everyone ever".



Well, maybe you should have given it to me earlier then!

You are terrible at planning ahead!



Sheogorath then crouches.



And then he starts glowing



And growing very large.

He then disappears.

...That wasn't too bad...



At least the magic butler seems to have a plan.

He also seems to have lost that passive-aggressive sarcastic sort of tone.

It's like I don't even know him anymore!

I ask him who will take the throne of Sheogorath despite the fact I already know that it will be me because I don't have the option to ask him anything else.



Yeah, I already know.

...But how can I be a god without, you know, being a god?




Let me guess.

This guy lives in some sort of forgotten cave-like ruin place. This place is unnecessarily large and filled with monsters. I will have to fight my way through all the way to the other side only to discover that there is some sort of secret entrance that I for some reason could not use in the first place.

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN HE TELLS ME TO GO TO A CAVE!



I fast-travel to split because that is the closest town to the cave.

It is only coincidence that I have some... business to take care of here.



I cast a frenzy spell on a few split residents.

Although I may have helped these people before, that doesn't change the fact that they are DEMENTIA SCUM, and therefore, as Duke of Mania, it is my duty to destroy them as part of my hostile takeover of Dementia.



I kill one of the frenzied residence and get away with it since, technically, she attacked first.



Unfortunately, the spell wears off on the other two in the area.



I just kill them the old-fashioned way.




I also take care of the two losers who didn't get frenzied.

And the world becomes a slightly better place.



I spot a Golden Saint nearby, who immediately draws her sword and charges off to fight an unknown target.

I decide to follow her just to find out what is going on.



Oh, she had spotted an alter of order. That makes sense!



..At least, it would, if she didn't run right by it.

Maybe she is after that hunger in the picture!



...Or maybe she'll run right by that, too.



She isn't attacking this knight of order, either! What the hell is she chasing after?

Unfortunately, I end up having to fight off some knights of order and thus lose track of her. I guess now we'll never know what she was trying so hard to find and kill.



Anyway, I find the cave entrance and enter.



Oddly enough, there only seems to be one monster in the entire cave.

It dies really easily, too. Which is surprising because usually those guys pose a challenge.



I find a door, which I try to open, but it crumbles instead.

Glad to see that this place is falling apart to. I was getting a little worried that this place might be structurally sound.



I find a really old looking guy sitting at a chair.

This really reminds me of that one part near the end of the third Indiana Jones movie.'



It turns out this guy knows everything ever, including my current quest.

He talks FOREVER about how he knows everything ever so by summing that up right there I saved us a lot of time.

I ask him about himself.






That sounds like a horrible fate and just like the kind of thing Sheogorath would do.

Oh, that guy!

I get to the point and ask about the staff.



Oh, phew. For a second there, I thought I wouldn't have to get a bunch of arbitrary items before I can do the magical ceremony of stupid.

WHAT

FUN



Of course it isn't going to stop me from trying. Because, you see, I have this magical little power called "the save function". It means I can't fail. Permanently, at least.



So, one of the magical items is someone's eye?

That's kind of gruesome.

I like it!




And I have to get a dumb root or something from a magical tree. That sounds stupid, boring, and dumb.

At least half of this quest sounds interesting...



...sigh...

I guess I'd better to work on exploring YET EVEN MORE pointless ruins and caves...

[boq]

It's raining outside and this Charlie Manhuge update made the day bright.


(okay, not really, but it was better then sitting listening to the rain.)