AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Oh, you have to press space to yield?

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

If I knew that...

Zink

I am dissapoint

Well, that's enough adventuring with Martin for now, I'd better get back to assassinating!



*Gasp* THE BLACK HAND?

I have no idea what that is!



Oh, him. Yeah, I think you mentioned him. Once. Anyway, assassinations are generally pretty easy, so I think I can handle it.




Wait, you want me to kill him now that he's no longer a threat?

You guys are idiots. That is really all I have to say.



Leyawiin? That's one of the two cities I have yet to visit. This should be interesting.




Ugh, I have to use a bow? I don't think I have ever fired one of those things in my life. I guess I'll give it a shot, though.



... You want me to steal his finger? That's... uh... an interesting request.



So I have to go all the way to the Imperial City from Leyawiin? This had better be a good bonus!



Well, it is a very long journey to Leyawiin, so Martin and I had better get started.



Normally, running through the forest like this would be a terrible idea, but nature seems to have given up its constant attempts to kill me. The worst I seem to be encountering are some mudcrabs and wolves.



I decide to use water-walking to run south across the river, as it should be faster than running through the forest. Martin is probably going to have trouble swimming after me, though. Oh well. He needs the exercise.

... Maybe running on water in the middle of a lightning storm isn't such a good idea.



Anyway, I soon arrive on land and start walking on the pat- WTF MARTIN!? You actually caught up!? That's amazing! I never actually expected you could do it! You are a swimming champion!



A rat? Really? That's it? Wow, nature was really given up now!



Holy crap! That bandit has a glass cuiress!

IT SHALL BE MINE!



Although it is not enchanted like the apron, it has a defense rating of 12 while the apron only has a rating of 10. Although the apron is probably more useful due to the enchantments, I decide to wear the glass for now just because I've wanted it for a while now. I'll switch back to the apron soon, though.



These imps are the toughest creatures I have come across thus far on this trip.

Nature, I am disappoint.



Hey, this highwayman has a glass cuiress too! I guess I could use a spare.



Wait... Is that thing fighting that bandit what I think it is?



It is! It's one of those giant mantis creatures! Looks like nature hasn't given up after all!

I still manage to kill it, though.



The bandit fighting the land dreugh had a glass cuiress too? Man, these things a just everywhere nowadays!



Another one? Haha, it's just like the good ol' days when nature was always mercilessly trying to kill me.

Wait, no, those days weren't good. I hated them.



Dammit, a bandit, goblin, and will-o-wisp all at once! I think I liked it better when nature had given up.

Run awaaaay



An inn? I know! I'd better hide in there! Sure, the goblin, will-o-wisp and bandit will probably just walk in, slaughter the innkeeper, and then start attacking me again, but at least it will give me a few moments to heal!



There was an Imperial Legion soldier inside the inn. As soon as I walk in, he runs outside to go help me with the monsters. What a nice guy!



THERE IS A FIGHT!



Luckily, we manage to defeat all three enemies. Huzzuh!



I decide to rest at the inn until morning.



Traveling is much more enjoyable during the day.



I stumble across some sort of strange alter. It appears to be dedicated to some sort of deadric god called Nocturnal. The worshipers tell me to approach the shrine. I figure I may as well.



As I approach the shrine, I hear a voice ordering me to do some sort of quest. Unfortunately, there were no subtitles, so I can't show you what Nocturnal asked of me. Luckily, my quest log was nice enough to summarize it all for us!



Like a second sidekick, that quest log!

I should probably do this quest after I'm done killing what's-his-face. It probably isn't a good idea to ignore the orders of a god.



I make it to Leyawiin. Interesting place.



I tell Martin to wait out here, for now. I wouldn't want him witnessing my crime, after all.



I enter the city and find my target. I follow him around until he takes his armor off.



Shit! I think he's on to me! I decide to say nothing and hope that he's old enough to forget what he was talking about.



Phew, that actually worked.

That was close.



He just keeps going and going and going. This is probably the most boring quest so far.



He then stops to stare at a small lake.

HE STAYS THERE FOR HOURS (game hours, not real life hours), I KID YOU NOT.



Come on! It's not even a good view! There are like several run-down shacks on the other side of the lake that ruin any possible beauty the view could have! Who the hell just goes for a walk in full heavy armor, anyway? Just take the daisies armor off so I can kill you!



He finally takes his armor off and goes swimming in the lake. Apparently, he wanted to wait until it was nice and stormy to begin his swim. Maybe I could just wait for some lightning to do my job for me.



I take the shot. It hits, and what's-his-face dies.



His bodyguard suddenly starts attacking me, despite the fact I was out of his view when I took the shot. That's cheating!



After slashing me a few times, he tries to arrest me. Oh boy, I can't wait to have to-



Wait, 40 gold? That's my bounty? For murder?

...I think I'll just pay the fine.



Although I don't have to go to jail, he does confiscate all my stolen items. Luckily, I just have to find the evidence chest to steal it back. It should be around the dungeon area of the castle.



Ah, yes, here it is. It's completely unguarded, too. How convenient!



Luckily, the body is still there when I get back to that small lake. I swim over to it so I can steal the finger.



Holy crap, that is not a small number of keys. That is not a small number of keys at all. Why would anyone need all those keys anyway? What's the point!?



Anyway, I take his finger, but before I head over to the Imperial City, I should probably do that one thing that god wanted me to do. Pissing off a god seems like a bad idea to me.

I'd rather the next update not be the last post on a page, so I'm just gonna post here so it goes on the next page.

i better see some fist poisoning this time



/nocks bow

The Rose of Sithis may be deadly but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Poison your fists

What the hell!? YOU PAID THE FINE?

I decide to change back into my apron. Although it doesn't have as high a defense rating as the glass cuiress, I think the enchantments are worth it. Plus, look at it. It is the most ironically awesome thing in the world.



Leyawiin is an interesting town. It doesn't really look poor, but it does look like they really need to repaint every single wall in town.



While selling all my extra items, I go up a rank in merchantile. Woohoo?

Anyway, I decide to start asking around about that "eye of nocturnal"



...I... didn't... ask you anything yet.



...Okay, weirdo, you have fun with that.




Unfortunately, no one seems to know anything about the Eye of Nocturnal. This is going to be a long day...



A big jewel, you say? That could be it, I suppose. I might as well investigate.



Conveniently, their house is right next to the guy I was just talking to. I head in and talk to them.



...Rat...thing?

...This is going to be a long day...



...Does this have any relevancy whatsoever on the current quest?

I decide to ask about the eye of nocturnal to get back on track.



COMPLETELY UNSUSPICIOUS

I decide to talk to the other potential thief. Maybe he will be more help than what's-her-face.



Oh boy, more pointless talk about rats.



What does this have to do with the eye of nocturnal? NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT!



Oh boy, I really needed to hear this! This is just so darn relevant I think I am going to throw up from how relevant it is!



I CARE

SO MUCH

I ask him about the Eye of Nocturnal as soon as I can. I am sick of hearing about how this guy is sick of rats.



COMPLETELY UNSUSPICIOUS



My quest log seems to think that the best course of action is to eavesdrop on them, and its never lied to me before!



Apparently, they hid the eye in a place called "Tidewater Cave". Sounds interesting.



It seems kind of far away for a hiding spot. Maybe they just really didn't want people to find it. Honestly, though, with how much great stuff is in caves around here, I wouldn't be surprised if someone found it by accident while looking for treasure.



I get Martin, who I'd just remembered I had left outside the city for... about half a day now, I'd say.



Water-walking makes traveling FUN!



I decide to head as far south as I can go. I end up face to face with an invisible wall. Sadness.



Well, I'd better hurry up and get back to work. There's the cave. I'd better head in and-



Oh my god it's a lion get in the car



Oh my god it's a troll get in the car



Oh my god it's a Martin get in the car.

Yes, I am aware of how unfunny those last three lines were, BUT I CARE NOT.



Oh boy, two trolls and a bear.

Run awaaaay



Luckily, trolls can't swim. I manage to find an underwater passage that should lead me to safety. The top of the screen repeatedly informs me that Martin has been knocked unconscious. Poor guy.



I find a treasure chest, but it doesn't contain the eye.

Well, I suppose I should swim back. If I'm lucky, I should be able to swim past the trolls and the bear and-



...Excuse me but I believe that enormous brown bear has swam through the tunnel after me and is now engaging in an underwater battle with me.

This is not a normal occurrence.



I am being attacked by an underwater bear.

I AM BEING ATTACKED

BY AN UNDERWATER

BEAR.

BROWN BEARS ARE NOT GENERALLY THE KINDS OF THINGS YOU WOULD EXPECT TO COME SWIMMING THROUGH A SUBMERGED TUNNEL AT YOU.

WHY DOES NATURE HATE ME SO MUCH? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY!?



In an amazing match of underwater fisticuffs, I manage to take the bear down.

Phew, I'm glad that's over with. Underwater brown bears! Now, that's an occurrence you only see once in a lifeti-



WHAT ANOTHER UNDERWATER BEAR ARE YOU KIDDING ME THIS IS VERY OUTRAGEOUS.



Luckily, this one forgets to breath and drowns.

Phew, now I'm really glad that's over with!



Unfortunately, I still have to deal with a few trolls. Luckily, Martin assists me with his ice spells and dagger. I end up wasting a lot of potions, though.



Why, Martin, is that a longsword you're carrying? When did you get that? Looks like you've upgraded from that puny dagger, eh?



I finally manage to find the eye. Hooray!



The nearby chest also contains some really good stuff!

None of this has been worth the underwater bears, though.



I return to the shrine of Nocturnal to return the eye. The reward better be pretty daisies good to make up for what I had to go through.



Once again, Nocturnal speaks without subtitles, but the quest log is nice enough to summarize. Thanks, quest log!

The skeleton key I received, by the way, is a really useful item! It's a lockpick that never, ever breaks! Now, I never need to buy a lockpick again!

It still wasn't worth the underwater bears, though.

Nothing is worth the underwater bears



I'm glad that's over with! Remind me to never, ever, deal with a deadric lord again. I don't care if he sucks me into his weirdo dimension or whatever, there is no way it is worth the trouble.



(Note: Odds I'm sorry I forgot to poison my fists but UNDERWATER BEARS are quite a distraction!)

okay that's it

Lol dickering. Lol deer penis. This was a dicktastic episode.

Martin evolved into Martin!

Shoolis wrote:This was a dicktastic episode.

And Martin's sword got bigger too.

I'd better start heading back to the Imperial City now. It's going to be a long journey.



Another bandit? I'm sure I can easily-

Wait... I have an idea...



I am going to poison my fists! That way, the battle between the bandit and I that normally wouldn't even be worth taking a screenshot of would become some interesting!

(If you are wondering why I am not wearing the apron, it got damaged and I can't repair enchanted items until I am a journeyman in armoring)



daisies. Oh well, it was worth a try, I guess.



I encounter a lot of bears, but they don't seem as bad anymore now that I have seen the horror that is the underwater bear.



Killing them is very satisfying, because I STILL HATE BEARS.



That bandit appears to have lit himself on fire. Now I can't grab him. Crap.



We still manage to win, though. Really easily, too.

Their dead bodies look kind of funny.



I pass by Bravil. I decide to stop there for a little while, but only to sell my extra armor and weapons that I got from bandits.



Bravil is a very run-down looking city, but at least it is interesting.



I also get my apron repaired. It cost a lot more than you would expect.

It's probably going to break again really soon, anyway. I really need to get to level 50 armory soon.





I encounter a lot of minotaurs, for some reason. I think that minotaur boxing should be an Olympic sport.



I make it to the Imperial City. Before I enter, however, I decide to stay in that inn until daylight.



I level up. Honestly, at this point I don't think the level ups even matter anymore.



I decide to get some armorer training while I'm selling my stuff. Unfortunately, I can recieve 5 rounds of training per level, so I only get to level 49 armory.

SO CLOSE!



Anyway, I believe I am supposed to hide a finger in someone's desk or something. For something that has such sinister meaning, it really sounds like a bad schoolyard prank.



There's the office of the guy who has the desk that I am supposed to put the severed finger in. (That's quite a mouthful).

It's a little bright though...



I wait 12 or so hours until around midnight. It should be safe to break in now.



Now all I have to do is pick the lock on the desk and put the finger in.



Not only is the skeleton key incredibly useful, it looks pretty cool, too.



Well, now that I have that over with, I'd better head back to Cheydinhal.



I encounter a bandit soon after I leave. I decide to stand still and let him hit me for a little while so I can repair my damaged armor to get closer to that one last armorer level up I need.



Level 100 light armor? Already? Wow, that's kind of nice.

Unfortunately, I now have to choose whether or not to switch to light armor gauntlets and get the defense bonus, or keep the ones I currently have for the massive strength bonus.

Anyway, I finish off the bandit and repair all my stuff.



ARGGHH SO CLOSE



I decide to switch to these enchanted light armor gloves I have so I can get that 50% armor rating bonus.



I soon encounter a wolf. I let it bit me a few times and then kill it. I then repair my armor what little it needs to be.



YES YES YES!

I now have no reason to use any non-enchanted items! This is the best! Huzzuh!

I also decide to switch back to my strength increasing gloves. Having over 100 strength is just too useful. Armor rating doesn't really seem to do all that much anyway.



I arrive in Cheydinhal. I decide to buy the last of the furniture I need for my house.






I think my house looks rather nice now! Too bad most of the furniture is useless.

Anyway, I head over to the Dark Brotherhood to get my reward and bonus.




500 gold? That's my bonus? Really? That's it? I get more than that off a dead bandit, for crying out loud!



I feel so under appreciated...

How many poses does Martin know? 3?