AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Zink wrote:so he actually hates me.

That would explain the constant death glares

Yeah, he is pretty much always looking at me like that. Honestly, I think that the fact that he hates me so goddamn much while I treat him like this awesome sidekick just adds to the humor.

This series is brilliant, keep it coming.

...You know what? I was thinking about that mansion full of guests, the way they all stood up for each other but also killed each other at the same time, and I think it taught me a few lessons about friendship! It is not Martin's fault that he attacked me! He probably just panicked! After all, I'm not even sure if he is aware of my criminal record. I don't think I have ever committed a crime in front of him (the fewer witnesses, the better). I think I will go apologize right now!



Martin, I forgive you, and I'm sorry! I shouldn't have overreacted! I say we go on an adventure together right now! What do you say?



Haha, "Weynon Priory"! I love your sense of humor, Martin! You see, it's funny, because Weynon Priory is like the one place we will never ever go. Ever.



Well, this looks like an interesting quest we could do together! Let's go investigate!



This is the place! I hope we get to fight like... invisible magic hamsters, or something.



Yes yes, we've heard, that's why we're hear. Just cut to the part with ADVENTURE, okay?





Hmmm... Sounds suspicious... He's probably been experimenting with deadric magic or something. He's probably turned into a invisible magic hamster. I'll probably need to kill him.



How can you be so certain he never left that room? After all, invisible magic hamsters can be very discreet. Mostly because they are invisible. And magic. And hamsters.



Well, looks like Martin and I'd better investigate that studio, now. It's a shame I never bought that invisible magic hamster bait from that shady, shifty, salesman all those years ago.



...I am detecting no signs of invisible magic hamsters in here. Curious. Very curious indeed.



These paints seem to be in order. That is, they seem to be out of order enough to be considered in order. Because, you see, painters are messy. It is funny because I said they are in order because they are not in order. In other words, it is ironic. Which is why it is funny.

WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING



Huh. This painting seems a bit strange. Maybe I should take a closer look-



Holy crap where am I this is not normal



Look at this place. It's like the creator's got there textures mixed up with a Yoshi's Island game or something.

I am approached by that Dark Elf.



Yeah that's great um have you seen an invisible magic hamster around here it is kind of important.



...I...see...

What does this have to do with invisible magic hamsters?

Wait? Are you the guy I'm looking for? Why, you aren't invisible at all!



You don't appear very hamster-like either.



You might be magic, though. Still, that doesn't explain how you are not a hamster or invisible.



OH! Maybe I'm invisible too, and I'm able to see you because we are both invisible somehow! I know it makes no sense, but it can easily be explained by MAGIC.



That doesn't explain the hamster thing, though. Maybe you are just an incredibly mutated one. That would explain your dark elf-like appearance.



So, now that we've sorted that out, I need to figure out how to kill you.




Yeah, yeah, magic brush, that's great and all, but I need to know your weakness or something.




Painted trolls? That kind of sounds like... tainted moles. Is that your weakness? Do invisible magic hamsters give clues like the riddler?



Dead body? Trolls? I get it now! Your saying that your weakness is troll fat!



Yeah, whatever, I don't care. My sidekick and I have to go kill some trolls to get some fat so I can kill you.



Hey, wait, where's Martin? Dammit, he was supposed to follow me through the picture! What's wrong with that guy? Oh well. I guess I can handle some trolls on my own.



This painted troll looks like a troll that had it's textures crappified. That actually might be what it is.



These things are really wimpy. You see my health right there? That's my health right after the battle, and I didn't heal once.



There is a part of this battle where I hit a troll with the back of my hand and it is sent flying, but I didn't get a screenshot of it. I spent the rest of the battle trying to replicate it, but I was unable to, so this crappy description is all you get.



I have to say, I am a bit impressed that the texture artists put so much work into such a short quest. This actually looks really nice.



This dead body seems to have some sort of brush on it for some reason. I decide to take it, just because I am a pack rat. Anyway, I think I have enough troll fat, I think I can head back to that hamster.



The hamster takes the brush for some reason and then insists on not dying from the power of the troll fat. What is wrong with this guy? His manners are terrible, even for an invisible magic hamster!



He manages to conjure up an exit or something with the brush. See, I knew he was magic! This proves me right! Not that there was any doubt to begin with, though.



I exit through the painting, and invisible magic hamster guy starts talking with his wife. For some reason, she can see him perfectly, and is completely unphased by the fact her husband is now a hamster. Odd.

Hmm... At this point, I may be willing to admit I might have possibly been a just a little bit wrong about the Hamster thing. Maybe.



Okay, whatever. Just tell me whether or not you are a hamster. I really need to know.



An apron?

Really?

That's it?



"All you ask in return"? Look, I still have to figure out what actually happened now that I know you aren't a hamster, but from what I can gather, I saved your booty from certain destruction or something. I THINK THAT COVERS MY END OF THE BARGAIN!



Holy crap, that is one badass apron. It has some awesome enchantments, and the armor rating is equal to that of my elven cuiress, meaning that there is no downside to using it over my cuiress. Other than the fact that I can't repair it myself since it is enchanted, I mean.



Well, okay, so there is a downside. It looks kind of stupid. But I think it also looks cool in a kind of ironic way. Ironically.

Anyway, I suppose Martin and I have had our adventure now, even though he wasn't even there for most of it. I think I'm going to get back to assassinations.

Zink wrote:

...I think the writer for this game was drunk or something when he wrote this particular line. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Maybe some other lines around it were changed, and it made sense before, but it just doesn't make sense to me now.

If you make them like you, you'd find out Nels loves her but she loves Primo. But then again

Zink wrote:

Anyway, it doesn't matter how much sense she makes now.

It isn't the whole love triangle thing I was talking about. I just wondered what the hell she meant by "take me away with him". What is that even supposed to mean? Like, is she implying that he would kill her? Rescue her? I just can't tell!

hot sex in the bahamas?

Keep the apron
like
forever

I love it

Malum wrote:Tip, if you do the main quest and go to the cloud castle, keep your hand away from the attack button. if you hit them they ALL FUCKING CHARGE AT YOU LIKE SOME CRAZY booty ZEBRA SWARM. OR LOCUSTS.

oh well at least i got to kill one of them and steal his katana.

They fully equip you when you get in there, you can have all the katanas in the world

That doesn't null the point of getting all the katanas you want if you'd just waited a little for them to make you one of them and then gone to the west wing.

You forgot to poison your fists

You might have to console your way out of it. Console "kill" everyone and then console "resurrect" everyone

Martin is a reset button.

Odds wrote:You forgot to poison your fists

let's ignore that

Hey, Malum. Block and hit space. It will get them to stop attacking. I know you already solved it, but keep it in mind for future reference.

Also, Odds, I am sorry I forgot and I already have the images for the next update (although I won't have them up until tomorrow) and I forgot to poison my fists in that one too.

I am very sorry.