Page 28 of 173

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:18 am
by Mr. Mander
Hey!

Now I know why there are no children in Oblivion!

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:22 am
by Squigzog
Mr. Mander wrote:Hey!

Now I know why there are no children in Oblivion!
I don't. I mus have missed it. Someone care to explain?
:awesome:

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:26 am
by Mr. Mander
Second to last image

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:31 am
by Squigzog
No no I got it. I was joking.


This is the second time today people have missed my jokes. Maybe I am being to subtle?

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:32 am
by Fooflyer
what was the joke?

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 11:13 am
by The Bouncer
That fucking fish thing is female?!

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 11:19 am
by Fooflyer
lizard

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 11:28 am
by The Bouncer
Fooflyer wrote:lizard
I DON'T CARE

THE THOUGHT THAT THAT...THAT THING COULD BE CONSID-KSL:FJLSKJFSJFSLKFJLSDFKL:SFJAAAAH

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:00 pm
by Fooflyer
I know, the same thing warped my mind when I discovered there could be black women.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:11 pm
by Plasma
Fooflyer wrote:I know, the same thing warped my mind when I discovered there could be black women.
What? But... but... what? How can someone be in a kitchen AND on a cotton farm at the same time?!

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:21 pm
by hotb
Do people eat suger cane?

They could be preparing suger cane.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:46 pm
by Odds
Okay fucking stop it.

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:32 pm
by Zink
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I head over to the Imperial City so I can murder some pirates. On the way, I find some Nirnroot.

That's really the only interesting thing that happens.

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I enter the Imperial City. The guards pay no attention to me, despite the fact the only way it could be more obvious that I was an assassin I wore as sign on my back that said "NOT AN ASSASSIN (really)"

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I arrive at the Waterfront. My target is inside that ship.

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Hmmm... That little balcony right there looks like it should make a good entrance.

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I descreetly climb up there without being noticed. It was pretty easy considering there wasn't even anyone around to notice me.

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I immediately encounter the pirate captain as I enter. He doesn't even looks like a pirate captain! Where is his big ol' beard and eyepatch? He isn't nearly large enough to be a pirate captain either!

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THERE IS A FIGHT

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First assassination mission, COMPLETE!

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Uh oh. Looks like there are more pirates on this ship then I thought. They don't seem to be too pop flyin' that I killed their captain. I would be if I were them, though. It would give me a chance to usurp power!

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I take out one of them while Martin handles the other.

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Well, that was easy!

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I head below deck to see if there was anything I missed last time, and I end up encountering two more pirates.

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They are really easy to take down.

Also, I find it really funny that one of them died in a sitting position. When the guard's investigate this incident, they'll probably be all like "Oh hey this one seems to be alive oh wait nevermind he just somehow died in a sitting position."

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On the way back to Cheydinhal, I find MORE nirnroot! It is, once again, the only interesting thing that happens on the trip.

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As a reward, I get paid 400 gold and get an enchanted ring. People say that crime doesn't pay, but I'm sure getting paid more killing people illegally that doing it legally in the arena!

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The ring has some pretty nice enchantments. Luckily, I can wear two rings at a time, so I don't have to choose between this and the ring that has that protection enchantment.

I waste no time in asking for my next assignment.

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An accident, eh? I'm good at those! Oh, there was this one time, back in Chorrol, when I accidentally got caught pickpocketing and had to murder my way out of the city to avoid getting arrested! Oh, those were the days.

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Oh, you meant I am suppose to murder someone and make it look like an accident! I thought you meant I was supposed to do nothing but screw up until I somehow accidentally finish the mission, sort of like what happens in terrible slapstick comedies.

My bad.

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A bonus, eh? Well, I am always up for earning extra cash! I'll definitely be sure to make sure this guy is killed in the oddly-specific manner you requested.

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I head over to Bruma. I find what's-his-faces house, but I need to use the wait command so I can wait for the time when he will be sitting in his chair.

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Uh... Hello?

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Yeah, yeah, that's great and all, but I'm sort of busy supsicously waiting in front of a man's home for the perfect oppertunity to kill him. Go away.

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Hey, maybe if you want me to see your countess so much, you shouldn't have interupted my waiting! Waiting is srs business!

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Then, as quickly as he arrived, he was gone.

Well, now that he's gone, it is time for me to go murder someone! Huzzuh!

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Well, okay, if you insist, I'll "leave".

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As far as you know, that is! Ahahaha!

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I find the crawlspace door and head in.

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I find the robe I am supposed to untie and untie it. I hear a "gah" from below. It is a very mild "gah" for someone who was just killed by a statue.

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The dead guy's bodyguard appears to be completely baffled by this development. Luckily, he doesn't seem me, so I make it out. I think he saw Martin, though, but apparently the bodyguard thinks that Martin is too "Monk-like" to be a murderer.

I head back to Cheydinhal for my reward.

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A dagger? Ugh, I hate blades. Oh well, I'm sure it will sell for a decent amount.

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A promotion? Huzzuh! Maybe, if I work really hard, I'll be able to make all the way to assistant manager!

As usual, I immediately ask for my next contract.

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A dark elf in prison, eh? That sounds... familiar...

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That also sounds familiar...

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Oh my god...

Could this really be who I think it is!?

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It is! I have been assigned to kill that Dark Elf I swore to kill all the way back when I had to follow the emperor and his blades out of prison! YES!

Geez, all of these assignments seem to have to do with things I did back at the beginning of my adventure. What's the next one going to be, "investigate the strange cave that seems to be full of wolves for some reason even though it makes no sense"?

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No killing the guards? That's okay. I'd rather I don't get a ridiculous bounty again, anyway.

This is it, guys. Next update, I do what I was unable to do back in Update 2. It is time...

FOR REVENGE

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:47 pm
by Superior Bacon
I AM EXCITED FOR REVENGE

Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 5:49 pm
by Null
We have all been waiting for this for a long time...