I was just digging through my quest log and hey look what I found.
...Actually, I don't think I ever took a screenshot of when I got this quest. I think I was walking to a town (back before I started abusing fast-travel like I do now) and some guy asked me for help with goblins. I don't think I thought it important enough at the time to bother taking a screenshot.
OH WELL IT IS IMPORTANT NOW
I head to the camp and talk to a person.
A goblin war, you say?
Can I watch?
Oh man, I hate diplomacy.
The only diplomacy I'm good at is making so that two disagreeing parts
can't fight anymore.
So apparently one tribe stole a special head from another tribe.
...Goblins are weird.
Ugghhhh that sounds boring and like a lot of work
...The hard way?
That sounds much more interesting! Let me here it!
I LIKE THIS ONE BETTER
So I can either give back a stupid staff or
make an entire tribe descend into anarchy?
WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK I AM GOING TO CHOSE!?
I reach the cave.
There are goblins.
How amazing.
The cave looks like every other cave.
Except this one is more brightly lit, of course.
What's this? A goblin?
It shan't escape!
Running off to converse with your friend, eh?
That shall be of no help to you! Have at thee!
Wait what
Why aren't you guys fighting back
I am punching you in the face
Stop standing there doing nothing
Fight back
WHY WON'T YOU FIGHT BACK
Seriously I am killing you
with my bare hands
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST IGNORE
Wow. I just killed
both of them and they just stood and did nothing.
They didn't even try to run.
...Goblins are pathetic.
Deeper in the cave, however, we come across goblins that are must less passive about the whole "getting beaten to death" thing.
Still doesn't stop them from dying, though.
Aha! The shaman!
I SHALL SLAY... her?
Wow, that was one hell of a battle! Goblins, spells, and Punch Misers
everywhere! I almost thought we were going to lose a Punch Miser in that one!
You doing okay there, Reynald?
Uh, okay... Reynald's trousers... I'll keep that in mind...
HOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT THAT IS A LOT OF HEALING POTIONS!
I am glad I chose to kill the shaman
even more now!
Anyway, I head back to the camp and tell them that the war is over because one of the tribes is busy collapsing into anarchy
My reward is a "thank you".
For some reason I am not surprised.
Okay.
I probably will forget to do that.
Mostly because I don't really care.
WHAT ADVENTURES SHALL I EMBARK ON NEXT?
Eh, I suppose I can help that one guy's sons out.
That seems interesting enough.
I head to Weynan Priory.
That must be one of the sons, over near that dead body.
...Wait, is that body still left over from when I finally brought Martin here? Wow, they really need to get someone to clean these streets every once in a while.
My personal stake is that I like killing things.
That is a good enough stake for me.
Okay.
I decide to go talk to the other son.
Geez, okay, calm down, seriously.
AND SO WE HEAD TO THE-
Wait where the hell is that Dark Brotherhood guy I told to follow me around?
He was there when I was killing those goblins earlier.
Oh well. I guess he chickened out. I suppose I really shouldn't have expected more from a dark brotherhood member.
What's this?
Vegetables?
I SHALL STEAL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM
YES
THE CROPS
THEY SHALL BE MINE
What? Goblins?
Pfff, other people can deal with those. I've got crops to steal.
Haha, I feel like a crow!
...Because crows steal crops, you see. Or was that bunnies? Well, whatever it is, I FEEL LIKE ONE OF THEM NOW!
Dammit goblin why are you getting all up in my grill can't you see I am stealing crops?
I must punish you with DEATH.
Well, I'm all done swiping the crops!
Oh hey all the goblins are dead.
That's nice for them I guess.
Yes yes, good for you.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to make like a million fatigue potions out of your crops to get my alchemy skill up.
Also I need to go to Chorrol to get a reward from your dad.
Oh, look who decided to
finally show up! What's wrong? Afraid of a few goblins? Wimp!
Yes. Yes I did.
He gives me an enchanted sword. I'll probably just sell it.
It's nice that I'm getting all the credit for this despite the fact all I did was take all of his crops.
...In fact, I'm probably worse than the goblins in that sense.
OH WELL, NOT MY PROBLEM.
