AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Charlie Manhuge's only weakness is wielding a blade.

Ugh. Having to wait for messages from the Gray Fox is such a pain in the booty.

At least Martin has been standing right where I told him to wait like a good little boy.



Soon I get the message. The messenger is Amusei. I'm glad to see that he decided to stop being such a damsel in distress and actually make himself useful.

Seriously, I've had to rescue this guy like 50 times.



You'd think he would know better to give me the message when a guard is standing right over there, though.

AND SO I HEAD TO CHORROL AND SPEAK WITH THE FOX THAT IS GRAY




Oh boy I get to rob a wizard.

(They're magic, you know)




AND I get to kill the guy!

I like this mission already!



However, when I get to Bravil, my quest markers just lead me to the spot where my big ol' pile of bodies USED to be.

Now, why could that be...

...Oh, I get it now. I was supposed to bribe some beggars for information, but I already murdered them. The quest marker is leading me to their last known location before their bodies DISAPPEARED FOREVER.

Looks like I'll have to figure this one out myself.



Luckily, a nearby guard is able to help. You'd think a guard would know better than to give a masked man wanted for like a bajillion murders directions to someone's room.





I break into the castle and manage to find the wizard's room.

Lucky for me, my quest log updates, so that "incident" with the beggars isn't game-breaking.





This guy has a nice room. I can't seem to find any arrows, though. Or extrictions, for that matter.



Oh? But what's this? A moveable pillar?



Aha! Inspector Manhuge, you've done it again!

Man, I must be the greatest detective in Tamriel.



The secret passage leads to some dark tunnels.

I have the feeling that I am going to have to fight my way through hordes of enemies...



What the hell? A dremora!? I thought these guys were only in the realm of Oblivion!



I don't really like Dremora. Taking them down is hard.



But not impossible.



Oh, well. I may have to fight dremora, but at least I can take their hearts in preparation to my return to the Mage's Guild.



Goddamn it, we can't just have the denizans of hell attacking me, can we? Oh, no, we also need to have people who can summon and control the forces of hell attacking me!



Oddly enough, killing the conjurer didn't give me a "OH BOY YOU'VE DONE IT NOW MAN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY THE BLOOD PRICE" message.

I guess conjurers don't count as human.



There is an Elvis joke here, but I can't think of it.

I do take the shoes, though, in case I think of it later.



In the cave, I find some water.

It's really deep.



REALLY deep.



REALLY REALLY deep.




OH MY GOD GIANT SLAUGHTERFISH

IT IS THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES

IT IS TRYING TO EAT MY FACE OH GOD WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO



Just punch it a few times, apparently.



For some reason, this giant slaugherfish has a bunch of armor on it's corpse.

Weird.



Anyway, I get back to the surface, continue through the caves, fight more dremora and conjurers, and other things of that sort.



I pick the lock on this door and-



OH MY GOD THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF THING YOU USUALLY EXPECT TO ANSWER A DOOR

CRAP CRAP CRAP



It disappears when I kill it's conjurer, though.






Anyway, the rest of my trek through the caves goes how you would expect. You know, everything trying to kill me, the forces of both hell and nature working together to try and end my life, the entire world trying to make everything as difficult as possible for me, etc.



I finally find the exit to the tunnel.

This must be the wizard's tower. That strange purple fellow in the distance over there must be the wizard! I'll just head over there and murder him and-



Oh, my mistake. That wasn't the wizard at all! That was a Xivilai. They're beings from the realm of Oblivion, like Dremora. They're strong enough to wield a two-handed sword one-handed and can summon lesser daedra to assist them in battle!

Also this one is trying to kill me.



SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT



Oh, hey, it turns out there's two of them!

THIS DAY JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER



Okay, that purple looking fellow must be the actual wizard!

He is not pop flyin' to see me.



But I have a plan! I'll use this spell on him, and then turn invisible! He'll kill his own daedra! Or even be killed by his own daedra!



I love watching my enemies kill each other.

I really do.



The other Xivilai walks by their battle like nothing's happening.

Apparently the Wizard-guy trying to kill his own daedra is the sort of thing that happens often.



When I turn visible again, I take advantage of the element of surprise and quickly finish off the Wizard before he notices me again.



Now I just have to take out all those daedra!




God daisies it, why does he have all these daedra here, anyway? What, does he just keep them around for company? It's not like he's going to be attacked often!





I finally emerge victorious.

Wow, that was not easy!

At least everyone is dead so I can rob this place in peace.



The wizard has some nice stuff on him.

I'd take it all, but I can't hold all that much more. I do take that enchanted cuiress, but I have to drop a bunch of the stuff in my inventory in order to do so.



As I head up the stairs of the tower, I discover there was a Xivilai I missed.



As well as one of the giant crocodile-things.



They are taken care of easily enough.



I finally find the arrow. Well, at least, the arrow's head.

GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME



That felt like it was way more of a pain in the booty than in needed to be!



I head back to the Gray Fox. It is so dark I can barely see his face.




Yeah, like I need fences anymore. I already fenced over 1000 gold worth of stuff, so I'm covered for the rest of the Thieve's Guild quests.

Thanks for offering, though.



Looks like I will have to head back to the Waterfront and wait for yet another message.

I really hate having to do that.

I figured you'd have an improptu Oblivion gate crash in order to get those hearts.

giant ice monsters are not supposed to answer the door i hope you told them this

it is impolite

Bacon wrote:giant ice monsters are not supposed to answer the door i hope you told them this

it is impolite

I did.

Using morse code.

With my fists.

I am not sure they understood as they sort of stopped moving and breathing after I was finished which, by the way, was also very impolite.

One of those Dremora had a hammer.

I hope you killed him very violently for copying my style.

Mr. Mander wrote:One of those Dremora had a hammer.

I hope you killed him very violently for copying my style.

If I did that it would only be fair for me to kill you violently for copying my style.


OOOOOOHHHHHH SICKBURN

Zink wrote:

Mr. Mander wrote:One of those Dremora had a hammer.

I hope you killed him very violently for copying my style.

If I did that it would only be fair for me to kill you violently for copying my style.


OOOOOOHHHHHH SICKBURN

Ohoho

ohoho

ho

Brothesda makes such fun quests.

Ugh. I hate waiting in the Waterfront for a dumb message.

I mean, I guess Martin has it worse, since he's been just standing in that one spot for days, but it's still a pain in the booty for me.



Also a guard starts facebattling my booty.

I just don't get these guards. One minute they call me a murdering bastard and threaten to kill me, and the next they say something like this.

Guards are weird.



HOURS later, Amusei finally shows up.

I liked it better when Methredhel delivered messages. She actually got to places on time



I head to the Gray Fox and-

Hey, wait a minute! Those dogs are bothering the guildmaster! Oh, that will never do. I'm going to have to put them down.



As I do so, the Gray Fox runs a short distance and calls for help.



He soon sits down again, though.

Glad that's settled.





...O...kay...?

What do some dead guy's boots have to do with anything?




Well, okay then.

I'll just go ahead and track this guy down.

And then probably kill him.



What the hell?

When I exit the building, a guard tries to arrest me. Even though I didn't, you know, do anything.



Anyway, the guard is soon... unconscious!?

A guard that is essential!? As in, he doesn't die!?

EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE

EVVVVVEEEERRRRRRYYYYYYTTTTTHHHHIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!



Oddly enough, my bounty seems to be zero.

Maybe that guard is actually a crazy old man that is essential because he is so crazy and he is not actually a guard.

I'm going to talk to a different guard and see what he has to say about this.



Goddammit.



Why are these guards trying to kill me

I didn't even do anything

I really didn't this time

For once I am actually innocent

Hell, I'm not even wanted



Anyway, soon one is unconscious and the other comes down with a bad case of the dead.



Okay, now I have a bounty.

However, since I am heading to the Imperial City anyway, I am easily able to get Armand to take care of it. I didn't even bother taking a screenshot it was so simple.



Thanks for the tip, random beggar!

This one didn't even ask for cheddar!



Well, this is the place.

Time to break in and kick booty



The coast seems to be clear.

I head upstairs.



The coast is clear here, too.



...

Why would anyone build stairs leading up to a trapdoor?

That's just being silly.

I head through the trap door.



Another clear coast. Dammit. At this rate, I'm not going to find anyone for me to kill.



This house is so huge yet so empty



At least my sneak skill went up.

I like how the ability to move fast while sneaking is considered more advanced than the ability to sneak in full heavy armor



Aha! Here's someone! Finally!

I'm just going to wake this guy up, ask him some questions, and then kill him before he calls the guard.



Apparently, the Earl is out, err, looking for supper.

That's... really suspicious, actually. Especially since this place has so much food.

I ask him about the Boots of Springheel Jak.




More suspicion!



Well, thanks for your help, butler-man. Sorry I had to kill you, but I couldn't just let you go off and warn the guards about the intruder.



I try to enter the crypt the butler mentioned, but the door is locked and can't be picked. Goddammit. Looks like I'm going to have to find the Earl.



Conveniently for me, he's right outside!



Wow, he's kind of a dick. A rich dick, but a dick nonetheless.

I ask him about the key.




He is surprisingly cooperative.



Well, he doesn't seem to be a threat right now. I'll murder him on the way out.



These crypts are very dark. And very cave-like.



Also there are vampires.



Lots of vampires.

There is also a skeleton that summons another skeleton.

As I stated before, that just seems so wrong to me.



I don't think I really like vampires.

They always seem to be trying to kill me.



It is a good thing that it is a favor I can easily return.



On the plus side, I can at least collect some vampire dust for my return to the Mage's Guild.



I soon come across a vampire Matriarch. Vampire Matriarchs and Patriarchs are the head-vampire type people.



For someone that leads a group of bloodthirsty vampires, she sure is a coward.



I manage to chase her down and finish her off.



At least she had the decency to have some valuable stuff on her.

I think I may be starting to get rich again!



I finally find ol' Springheel's coffin.



Odd, there are no shoes in here.

There is a journal, however.

...Who the hell gets buried with their diary?





So, it turns out that Jak was a vampire and is still maybe alive today.

Huh...

Wait, who's that behind me?



The Earl! He was an evil vampire and Springheel Jak all along! I should have known!



That'll teach you to try to deceive the Crystalhead Fistman!



Enjoy being dead



I find the boots on his corpse, as well as some fairly valuable enchanted armor.



Well, that was relatively simple.



I see the Gray Fox still hasn't done anything about those dog corpses.

I wouldn't either. Dead dogs are kind of filthy, and I wouldn't want to touch one.



Yaaaaaaay




Booooooo


I don't even get the option to pay him the blood price to him right there.

LOOKS LIKE I HAVE TO GO TO SOMEONE ELSE TO PAY THE PRICE

...S'krivva can take care of blood prices, right? I'll go talk to here.



Whoops.

While going to see S'krivva, I accidentally interacted with the Night Mother's Statue.

Crap.



Look...

Night Mother...

I really don't give a shit. Like, at all.



Seriously. I don't care in the slightest. Hell, I even murdered every member of your little brotherhood except one.

You'd think that would send the message that I don't want to deal with you guys anymore



Okay, screw you, I'm walking away. Nobody likes you anyway.



Turns out S'krivva doesn't handle blood fees.

TO ARMAND



YAAAAAAAAY



Despite the fact Armand supposedly just gave me my reward, my quest marker still points me to the Gray Fox.



Wait... Why is he not saying anything to me? My quest marker is telling me to go here...

OH NO

Crap! The quest must be bugged somehow!

Oh well. Easily fixed. I just have to load my most recent save, which is...



...All the way back in the vampire den.


AIOSJFOASIGHOASIHFIDOSGHAIOSFJDSIDOFJ



I do A BUNCH OF SHIT I ALREADY DID and then talk to the Gray Fox.

The quest works this time.



I head back to the Waterfront for my next message. I figure I may as well see what the Gray Fox wants from me next before I end this update.

I get the message and head to the Gray Fox.



I THINK I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING



OH

BOY

I REALLY REALLY LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING




Look man I was in as soon as you said I would be breaking in to the most important building in Cyrodiil.



Well, guys, this is it. This heist right here is one of the longest and most difficult portions of the game. And, because I'm so nice, I'm going to let you guys watch me do it. That's right, I'm going to be livestreaming this shit!

However, I have no mic, so don't expect any commentary. I'm afraid all you will get to see is Charlie Manhuge in action. If you want commentary, than I'm afraid you will have to wait for the update. Unless, of course, you count me writing some stuff in the chat occasionally as "commentary".

Anyway, the time of the stream SHOULD be around 6:00 P.M. Eastern time, today, but that is be subject to change. I will post both here and in the livestreaming thread when it is ready. Also, this may or may not be relevant, but to make the livestreaming process simpler I will be playing Oblivion in windowed mode. This shouldn't make a distance, but I am not quite sure how Fraps works, so there might be a slight change of quality in the screenshots.


THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD, GUYS!

Stealing an Elder Scroll?
In an Elder Scrolls game?
OHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY

I am excite

holy shit yes i cannot fucking wait

CAPITAL

YOU'D BETTER FUCKING RECORD IT

BUT HOW I DO THAT