AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You should read back and kill all the people you promised to kill until you were a higher level.

I think just as a service to Charlie Manhuge, when this chapter ends, I will do as best I can to compile a complete body count for people killed by him.[/b]

Kupti Tranamo wrote:You should read back and kill all the people you promised to kill until you were a higher level.

I would, except I can't until March 10 as one of my photobucket accounts has exceeded bandwidth (again) and thus most of the updates won't be available until March 10.

I really hate photobucket, but somehow it seems to be the only image hosting site that works for this sort of thing. Which sucks.

Edit: Sleuth if you do that I will say nice things to you.

Very nice things.

You should probably stick to the murders of named NPCs, though. The generic ones might be a little hard to keep track of.

Sleuth wrote:I think just as a service to Charlie Manhuge, when this chapter ends, I will do as best I can to compile a complete body count for people killed by him.

Do it do it do it!
I would very much like to see the results.

For all it's downsides, it's the best one out there. We'll all just have to man up and wait patiently for another update.

Zink wrote:Sleuth if you do that I will say nice things to you.

Very nice things.

You should probably stick to the murders of named NPCs, though. The generic ones might be a little hard to keep track of.

As soon as your bandwith stops being all exceeded-like, I will get on it.

S'krivva wants me to get a book.

A book.

Really.

Wow. We are getting really complicated now. What's next? Will I have to steal a fork? Or maybe a potted plant?



Okay so apparently another guild member went missing while looking for the book.

This makes things just a bit more interesting.



Am I agreeable?

THAT IS NOT GOOD GRAMMAR

THAT IS BAD GRAMMAR

THAT IS NOT THE WORD YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE IN THAT CONTEXT, STUPID

But okay yeah sure I'll do it.



WE INTERRUPT THIS LET'S PLAY FOR AN IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN

THE "CRYSTALHEAD FISTMAN" HAS BEEN SPOTTED IN THE GRAND CITY OF SKINGRAD

THE SKINGRAD GUARD IS WORKING HARD TO TRACK DOWN THIS MASKED MURDERER, WHO, ACCORDING TO EYEWITNESSES, HAS SPENT A GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME STARING AT THE ROOFS OF OUR RIDICULOUSLY HIGH BUILDINGS AND SIGHING LONGINGLY




I bribe a beggar for some info. Apparently, Theranis was arrested.

Big surprise.



Also I apparently need to break into jail.

Again.



Skingrad castle is really, really ominous.

Reminds me of Dracula's Castle from Castlevania.

Although, considering the identity of the Count of Skingrad, that may be intentional.



Castle Skingrad's courtyard has a really interesting layout.

I do not know exactly what that guard is asking me to say so I just ignore him and walk away.



Looks like the entrance to the dungeon is guarded.



At least, it was guarded.



Oh hey look keys.

That'll save me approximately 1-2 seconds of lockpicking.




In the jail, a random prisoner asks me to set him free. I agree. I mean, why not?

I also ask him about Theranis




A pale lady, you say? Sounds really mysterious.

Really mysterious.



Oh dear. How horrible. How will I ever be able to track her down.



All I have are these obvious bloodstains



A clear outline of a door built into the wall



And an extremely suspicious candle.

How will I solve this mystery!?



Okay, enough sarcasm. I head into the secret passageway.




The secret passageway (and trail of blood) eventually leads out into the castle's wine cellar.



Another blood stain near a suspicious candle?

It's like they want me to be able to figure this all out.



Oh well. At least this one didn't have a clear outline of a door.



A walk through the secret passageway.

I am guessing that woman turning herself invisible and charging forward to attack is the Pale Lady.



THERE IS A FIGHT



Somehow she manages to survive me punching straight through her body.

Vampires can really take a hit.



They do have their limits, however.



Human blood. In a wine bottle.

Because apparently it wasn't obvious enough that the Pale Lady was a vampire.



Well, at least I know what happened to Theranis.

He could have at least had the decency to die with something valuable on his persons.



Oh, hey, the Argonian prisoner was Amusei.

I think this may be the second time I have to save his booty.

I ask him about the book.



Mmmkay.

I ask him about the Pale Lady.



Yes, yes, I am awesome, aren't I?



...But I thought you couldn't get into the Thieve's Guild. How are you going to-

...You know what? I don't care. Just magically join somehow. Come on, let's get out of here.



We discreetly make our way out of the castle.



Lucky for us, the courtyard is empty now.

For some reason.



The bridge, however, isn't.



Hey, this guard actually recognizes that I've committed more crimes then there probably were in the history of Cyrodiil.

You'd think that, if he knew that, he wouldn't be stupid enough to fight me.



THERE IS A FIGHT

I'm the only one that takes part in the battle with the guard. Amusei decides to just crouch like a loser and do nothing. Wimp.



CLIMATIC BRIDGE SHOWDOWNS ARE THE BEST KINDS OF SHOWDOWNS



I kill the guard, but I accidentally hit Amusei in the process.

He runs like the coward he is.



Luckily, I mange to catch up to him.

Looks like I have to find some dumb bush in Skingrad, now.

That would probably be simple and uninteresting if I weren't a wanted man right now.

Again.



Man, being recognized by guards is so nice. It's great to know that people are actually starting to recognize that I've killed enough people to fill a landfill.

Still, it's kind of pathetic that this guard is willing to fight me all by himself-




Goddammit, it's an ambush! They must have known that I was heading into the town and made sure that I got a warm welcome.

That's... actually... fairly... competent...

It's like I don't even know them anymore






Of course, these guards are still no match for me.



They do manage to knock me down a few times, though.

I hate when they do that.



Suddenly, a mysterious picks up a sword and attacks the guards!

That was nice of him!



I yield to the guards. Not to give in, of course, but so they stop only attacking me. I want that wood elf to have some fun too, you know.



Unfortunately, he proves to be no match for the guards.

Hey... wait... wasn't this the wood elf that asked me to meet him at midnight behind the chapel all that time ago?

I guess I'll never find out what he wanted.

OH WELL.



Well, that takes care of the ambush.

Now, where is that book?



Ahh, here it is.



Wait, it's only 2 pages?

People died for this, and it is only 2 pages?

And it says is "THE ELDER SCROLLS ARE IMPORTANT YOU KNOW"

GEE THANKS I HAD NO IDEA THIS GAME SERIES IS ONLY CALLED "THE ELDER SCROLLS"



THE "CRYSTALHEAD FISTMAN" HAS BEEN SPOTTED IN BRAVIL, AFTER HAVING SOMEHOW SURVIVED AN AMBUSH BY HIGHLY TRAINED GUARDS BACK IN SKINGRAD

HE IS PROBABLY GOING TO KILL SOME MORE PEOPLE.

WE JUST FELT THOSE OF YOU CITIZENS WHO ARE STILL BREATHING SHOULD KNOW THIS



Yaaaaaaay



Booooo

I pay the blood price (which costs 7000) and get rid of my bounty (which is 5060).

It all adds up to a grand total of 12,060.

Ouch.



Now I only have around 63,000 gold left.

daisies, murder is starting to get expensive.

My lord, I think I'm going to have to add a "Number of Guards Killed" section into the body count list. Charlie Manhuge, Destroyer of Guards.

Sleuth wrote:My lord, I think I'm going to have to add a "Number of Guards Killed" section into the body count list. Charlie Manhuge, Destroyer of Guards.

Well, if I were you, I'd list the names of the named NPCs I kill and just number the guards. Although, you may have a bit of trouble with the guards since a lot of times I don't even bother taking pictures of their bodies.

By the way, if and when you do this, if you see an image that has a named NPC I kill and it doesn't say the name, just PM me the link to the image and I will tell you the name of the NPC.

COULDN'T YOU BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND JUST RUN?

but hey now that you killed the crazy wood elf you can loot his house

he has some nice books to fence

Bacon wrote:COULDN'T YOU BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND JUST RUN?

But that wouldn't be doing things the Charlie Manhuge way!

Blah blah next Thieve's Guild mission blah blah



Wait... You mean I get to kill Lex!?

I have been waiting for this moment for so long!




Awwwww... I wanted to murder him...



Why do I need to do all this crap with a letter!? Why can't I just kill him!?



But I already killed every single member of the Dark Brotherhood except one! We could take that province if we wanted! It's now completely unoccupied!



That is odd and will probably be plot-relevant later.

Where can I find a forger, anyway?




Well, this should be boring.

I doubt there will even be any murder.



Even the beggars in Anvil don't have any good advice for me.

The only information I can squeeze out of this guy is to see the castle's blacksmith.

Good enough I suppose.



Apparently, the blacksmith is a member of the Thieve's Guild.

I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY HE COULDN'T JUST DO THIS




I follow him and he opens a secret passageway for me to take to that one office where the letter is.



I break into the desk and take the letter.



This is it, in case you were wondering.

...I'm not sure, but I think I may have murdered have the people on this list.

Hell, I should probably keep this thing and use it as a hit list when I get bored.



I bribe a beggar to tell me where to find a forger.

He does.



Wow. Someone lives here?

On purpose?

I don't know about you, but I'd rather live on the streets instead of this dump.



"The Stranger" is pretty rude, too.

I don't think I like him.



He also seems a bit full of himself.

What a jerk.

I ask him about the forgery anyway, though.



He tells me to wait a day SO I DO



Wow. He seems like he's in a really good mood now.

He must really like forging letters.



Apparently, I have to get some sort of stupid stamp in the Imperial City in order to make the letter look legit.

In retrospect, walking into a highly guarded prison area while still wearing my Crystalhead Fistman disguise was a pretty bad idea.



The guards definitely don't seem to be pop flyin' about my presence. They can't do anything to arrest me, though.

Anyway, I find the office where the stamp is, pick the lock, and head in.



I am greeted by a what appears to be a high-ranking member of the Imperial Legion who has the same name as the villain from the first pokemon game.

The fact that he doesn't already know that I will resist arrest bothers me a little bit.



I am attacked by both him and a nearby Imperial Jailor.

A mere two guards stand no chance against the great Charlie Manhuge.

...Or should I be calling myself the Crystalhead Fistman right now?

ARGH! It doesn't matter! All that matters is that THERE IS A FIGHT!



A fight that I WIN!

...You know, I really ought to try doing one of these Thieve's Guild quests without murdering anyone sometime. I'm going to go broke from all these blood prices.

The high-ranking-looking guard doesn't have anything interesting on him.

The jailor, however...




...has all this.

My god, who the hell needs all those clothing? Why would anyone just carry all this clothing around with them like this?

Guards baffle me.



Anyway, for some reason I only got a bounty for intruding, and did not receive a bounty for murdering those two people.

I am okay with this.



I head back to Anvil and talk to the Countess.




Well, that settles that then.

Apparently, I have to deliver the news to Lex.

Must I do everything?



I head to the Waterfront. Again.

I see that Amusei managed to join the Guild.

Somehow.



Since I doubt Lex will be that interested in talking to me when I have a bounty, I see Armand and pay a mere 3 gold to get rid of it.



I also take off my Crystalhead Fistman disguise.

I don't want to be seen cooperating with guards while I'm wearing that. It would give the wrong impression.



I still have to wait until day time to find Lex, though.

I spam Illusion spells until morning.

I am now a Journeyman in illusion. That still isn't enough to cast that awesome frenzy spell I want to be able to use.



Lex does not like me.

I think it might be because of my ten jillion or so murders, but I'm not sure.




I am surprised he believes the message, considering it's from someone he already stated "makes him sick".

But, hey, I'm not complaining.

Looks like I'm done with this quest. I'd better head back to Bravil.



Looks like they have guards to replace the ones I killed.

I'd imagine they had a very hard time recruiting these guys, considering EVERY OTHER GUARD IN TOWN recently ended up in a grand big old pile of dead people.



It looks like they've started cleaning up the pile, too.

It seems they only got rid of the bodies of the guards, though. I guess the regular citizens just aren't as important or something.



Oh boy time to pay that blood price.

...I'm going to be so poor by the time this quest line is over...



Shadowfoot? That sounds like Littlefoot's evil twin brother or something.

Can I have a rank that has a name that sounds a bit less... you know... terrible?



Does he? That's nice. I'm glad that SOMEONE appreciates my work.



You, er, already promoted me, actually.

...I guess S'krivva must be going senile...

I ask her if there are any more missions for me. She says no, but...



Oh boy, I might get missions from the Grey Fox himself!

AWESOME!



According to Queston, I should wait in the Imperial City for a messenger to arrive.

I'd better go do that, then.

oh boy oh boy

for some reason chick whose name starts with an m hasn't contacted me yet. i am disappoint.

Zink wrote:


It looks like they've started cleaning up the pile, too.

It seems they only got rid of the bodies of the guards, though. I guess the regular citizens just aren't as important or something.

No, when they hired the new guards, they realized they didn't have any extra Armor for them...

Artists interpretation of a Shadowfoot.