AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Being popular is weird.

I'm used to being that one guy no one likes. Or dislikes. I'm used to people being indifferent about me.

I am not sure why people seem to like this so much. Seriously, I haven't even been not-lazy enough to fix the image size issue with the first update.



Also by the way guys in case you haven't noticed already Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays are the worst days for updates for me. Unless I have a school vacation, don't expect many updates on those days.

Isn't being internet popular fun?

After about a month of inactivity, I have finally caught up on the advetures of Charlie Manhuge. As usual, I was not disappointed.

Well, I have the ring. I should probably get back to my Doyen, but I think I will check out that house I bought, first.

I should probably take off my Crystalhead Fistman disguise now since I am no longer doing Thieve's Guild activities, but ehhh I don't feel like it.

Leyawiin has a lot of really nice houses, so I bet mine will be AWESOME! I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T



...wait?

THIS is my house!?!?!?!?! THIIIIIIIS?

THIS IS A TINY SHACK FOR TINY LOSERS

OH I'M SO ANGRY I COULD... I COULD...



MURDER THAT INNOCENT KHAJIIT WOMAN WALKING BY!

...argghhhh....

It really sucks that I spent 7800 gold on... THAT...

Oh well... Maybe it won't be that bad on the inside...



Okay well this completely sucks.

I hate this house.


...Well, I'm rich, so I may as well buy some furnishings for it...



At least THESE are cheap...

The thing is though...

The people selling these to me...

Well...



They just keep STARING at me...

Smiling...



I mean... I can understand staring at a strange, black-robed, masked man walking into your store.

It's the SMILING that really bothers me.

It disturbs and confuses me.

Very greatly.



Clearly, there's only one thing to- oh hey look a rake neat.



I pick it up to examine it and the two store owners start SCREAMING at me.

They'll all like "PUT THAT DOWN YOU THIEF" or "HELP HELP I'M BEING ROBBED".



They start following me around the room as I carry the rake, just yelling at me.



I mean, seriously, I didn't even put the rake in my inventory.

I'm not even touching it.

I'm just somehow levitating it a few feet in front of my face. Somehow.



The worst part is they continued smiling throughout the whole ordeal.

Okay I'm sick of this.

I'm revoking their living privileges.



Living privileges: revoked.

The world has become a slightly better place.



Of course, the guards aren't too pop flyin' with me about this, as I discover when I walk outside.



I really don't feel like fighting off the guards right now.

I'm just going to go to my house and see how different it looks with the furnishings, and kill whoever follows me inside.



Only one follows me.

Well, this should be a piece of cake.

A piece of delicious, violent, bloody cake.

My favorite



This is how the house looks now.

It's much better.

I might even stay here every so often. Plus, for the next three days, I have this neat guard corpse decorating the floor.

I think it really adds atmosphere.



I fast-travel to Bravil.

The guards here aren't pop flyin' with me, either.



I decide to fight, this time.

It has been a while since I have been a good old-fashioned street brawl.



THERE

IS

A

FIGHT



As usual, idiotic citizens attempt to aid the guards in their battle against me.

I love how delightfully suicidal these people are.



While trying to punch the citizen in the last picture, I end up hitting and killing an invisible Argonian.

See this is why people shouldn't be invisible around Charlie Manhuge.

I swear one out of every five times I punch the air someone drops dead in front of me.



MORE CITIZENS



The first citizen who attacked dies.

He even had the decency to die in a pose that will be perfect for his funeral.



You know, if I saw a guy beating people to death in the streets with his bare hands, I wouldn't try to fight the guy.

Well okay I actually probably would but I am Charlie Manhuge so I don't count.

This citizens should know better.



Whoever the hell that rich-looking guy was, he's dead now.



As well as the dork with the mace.



A female guard joins the fight.

I believe there are a total of two female guards in this game. I already killed one when I had to assassinate that entire family, so female guards are an endangered species now. This is the only one left.



I decide to make that species extinct.

She went down surprisingly easily. This is probably because she is a named NPC rather than a generic guard. Normally, in these kinds of things, having a name is a good thing, but in this game, real guards are always 10 levels above the player character. This woman, however, is stuck at level 15.

FOREVER.

Also apparently she's a captain, according to the site I checked for her level information. I believe the other female guard was a captain, too. Do all women that join the guard automatically get promoted to the rank of captain or something?



A WIZARD ATTACKS.

He has daedric armor.

Also he is essential and cannot be killed.



I manage to knock him unconscious, though. Since all my other enemies are dead, he should probably just walk away once he gets back up.



Wow.

This is a lot of death and destruction.

That seems to happen a lot when I'm in town.



As I expected, the mage just gets up and walks away.

He must be used to dead bodies rotting in the streets.



Anyway, I decide to take the dead bodies and OH CRAP MORE GUARDS



THERE IS A FIGHT

...again...

They die fairly easily.

Anyway, as I was saying, I proceed to take the corpses and-




OCRAP! WITNESSES TO MY MURDERS!

I CANNOT LET THEM LIVE



I kill two of them, but the third turns out to be S'Krivva, my doyen.

I GUESS I CAN LET HER LIVE.

Anyway, her walking by like this gives me the advantage of allowing me to get rid of my bounty, since she, like Armand, can get rid of my fines.

I'll tell her that I got the ring once I'm done-



OH WHAT IS THIS ANOTHER WITNESS



Okay wait this one seems quest relevant.

I guess I can let her live, too.




...So, do you want me to rig the arena matches or something? Make it so he'll always win?

I guess I could shoot fire from the stands or something.




500 gold? That's it?

That's POCKET CHANGE!

I could easily pay that off for you!




Oh, wait, the real problem is that he is missing?

...Eh, I guess I could handle that, too.



I accept. It sounds interesting enough.

I might do it once I'm done-



Another witness!? I'll take care of-

...Wait, I think that guy might be a member of the Mage's Guild.

I probably shouldn't kill him unless I want to be kicked out.

And I don't.

He doesn't seem to mind the dead bodies, anyway.

I decide to loot some of the corpses that I haven't looted yet.



Oh? What's this? "Mythic Dawn"? Why does that sound familiar?



This book appears to have been written by a bunch of Mehrunes Dagon worshipping weirdos.

...Hey, weren't the "Mythic Dawn" those red power rangers that killed the emperor?

...I guess one of these guys must have been an agent of theirs.



Another guard shows up.

I kill him, but then I remember that I had S'Krivva get rid of my bounty, so killing him was unnecessary.

Oh well, there's no such thing as too much murder.



ANYWAY, I finally finish what I wanted to do with all those corpses.

I made a pile!

A pile of dead people!



Look at this masterpiece. Every single person who I just killed during this great battle is in this pile.

It is a very big pile.



I attempt to light the pile on fire and give all these people a viking-style funeral, but they won't light.

That sucks.





Here are a few more pictures of the pile.

I know I'm making a really big deal about this, but do you have any idea how hard it is to move corpses in Oblivion!? DO YOU!? It took me forever to make this pile.

And I'm not even sure why I did it.

Man, just imagine all the awkward and hilarious situations this pile will create.

"Thank you for visiting the wonderful (and incredibly sanitary) city of Bravil! Over there, you can see, is our Mage's Guild, and-"
"Pardon me, but is that a rotting pile of dead bodies next to the guild?"
"Uh... yes. I believe it is."
"I... see... I... I think I'll be going now..."




I head to S'Krivva to finish the quest with the ring, but she refuses to let me finish because of that one guard I murdered back at the castle.

She had no problem with all those dead people in the street, for some reason. Or the Argonians I also murdered back at the castle. Just that one, generic, guard.

Oh well, I'm rich, I can easily pay the blood price.



Remember kids, murder is completely okay as long as you give people cheddar to make up for it.



Well, I should do the next Thieve's Guild quest.

...Or maybe I should help out that one woman who asked me to find her husband, as that sounded pretty interesting...

...I am indecisive...

MAKE THE BODY PILE NAKED.
And do the next story quest.

Shoolis wrote:MAKE THE BODY PILE NAKED.
And do the next story quest.

I considered doing that but I figured making a pile of dead bodies made me look messed up enough already.




ALSO! One of my photobucket accounts has EXCEEDED BANDWIDTH!

AGAIN!

More than half of the updates will NOT be viewable until March 10!


I REALLY HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS YOU KNOW I NEED TO BE BETTER AT KNOWING WHEN TO HOP FROM ONE ACCOUNT TO THE OTHER

JUST KEEP MAKING ACCOUNTS

also, do the quest for the lady. lottsa murdering there.

Malum wrote:DO THE NEXT PART OF THE MAIN STORY.

Jauffre will follow martin and you get an extra party member.

Yes I know I will do that after I am done with the Thieve's Guild.

Follower's are kind of useless during the Thieve's Guild quest because you can't have them follow you or you'll... you know... get caught.

I'll also get some other followers marked as essential so it will be like HAVING MY OWN PERSONAL ARMY

AND IT WILL BE AWESOME AND KICKASS

A Charlie Manhuge army. Somehow..it just seems so right. I vote you recruit Jauffre and do THE FIGHTERS GUILD!

Malum wrote:A WHOLE ARMY OF BADASS NPCS.

And then the Fanboy from the arena.

Didn't he murder the Fan already? Like, less than a day after he started following him?

Durry wrote:

Malum wrote:A WHOLE ARMY OF BADASS NPCS.

And then the Fanboy from the arena.

Didn't he murder the Fan already? Like, less than a day after he started following him?

The Fanboy respawns

I say you do that quest that one lady gave you. Then finish thieves guild. Then go get Juaffre (or how ever you spell it). Then do another guild, like fighters guild, maybe?

Apparently the Fighters guild is goddamn boring.

Besides, Mages' guild is more important for that mass paralysis spell

Decker wrote:Apparently the Fighters guild is goddamn boring.

Besides, Mages' guild is more important for that mass paralysis spell

You say that as if I don't know how to make a boring quest interesting.

I'm probably going to finish the Thieve's Guild, and then start making my private army immediately afterward. I do, after all, want to be able to enjoy having my own private army before I am finished with EVERYTHING in the game.


Also, Kupti, I had to put your signature into an online translator to understand it and for that I feel shame.

I decide to go with the next Thieve's Guild quests. I know all of you wanted me to do other stuff, but I never even asked your opinion so screw yooooouuuuuuuuu!



Again?

Really?

Didn't I already solve this problem?

Argghhhhhh...



Mmmkay.

I imagine this should be similar to the last time this exact same thing happened.



BREAKING NEWS

THE LEGENDARY "CRYSTALHEAD FISTMAN" HAS BEEN ONCE AGAIN SPOTTED IN THE IMPERIAL WATERFRONT

THIS MYTHICAL MASTERMIND IS BELIEVED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PILE OF DEAD BODIES NEAR THE BRAVIL MAGE'S GUILD, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT WAS A NICE PILE, WAS QUITE A SHOCKING SIGHT FOR THE FEW CITIZENS WHO WERE NOT A PART OF IT

OFFICIALS STILL IGNORE THIS MAN'S POSSIBLE EXISTENCE. ONCE AGAIN, CITIZENS ARE WARNED TO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS BASTARD, AND GUARDS ARE ENCOURAGED TO WRITE OUT THEIR WILL



I see everything is still a mess from the last time I was here.

I don't really feel like having another street brawl, so I guess there won't be any more corpses decorating the ground today.



There's Lex.

In the exact same place he was before.

Wow, Brethesda. I mean, a lot of the quests in this game are similar, but this is just ridiculous.



Anyway, I track down a beggar and get them to tell me where Methredral or whoever lives.

Once again, it would have been nice if S'Krivva could have just told me.



This appears to be the place.

I bet they are going to have me do the exact same thing as before. Or, at least, something similar.



WOW

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THAT OTHER TIME THE GUILD COULDN'T OPERATE BECAUSE LEX HAD A BUNCH OF GUARDS SEARCHING THE WATERFRONT



Oh, well. At least this part seems kind of different.



I have to rob the Mage's Guild, eh?

That should be simple, considering I am a member. I could probably just walk in there and take it and no one would notice.



Simple enough.



It still bothers me how much the Mage's Guild looks like the Imperial Jail.



The Archmage's quarters should be through that teleporter.



Whoops, looks like the higher-ups in the Mage's Guild don't want me here.



Good thing I can turn invisible.

By the way, if you are wondering why you can suddenly see subtitles for non-normal dialogue, I recently discovered that there is an option that let's you see them.

IT IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW 80-SOMETHING UPDATES AGO.



Anyway, I take the staff and leave the note.

That was easy.




Now I just need to spy on Lex.

Don't ask what question she is responding to when she says "good question" because I don't remember okay.



I actually planned to watch from the rooftops, but I get frozen in place as a Dremora approaches to deliver a message to Lex. Apparently the message was from the Mage's Guild, ordering him to order his guards to return to their regular posts.

I did not know that the Mage's Guild had authority over the Imperial Legion.



Also he drops a note.



It seems pretty nor-

Wait, Lex has a superior? I thought he was the commander of the Imperial Legion.

I guess he was just a normal captain this whole time.

Huh.

Anyway, I return to Methredhel.



What



Still what

Why?

We don't return anything else we steal! What makes the Mage's Guild so special?

What!?



Methredhel insults me and then tells me to see S'krivva if I want a reward.

Remind me to murder her once this quest chain is over.



I break into Ontus's house and place the staff in his store chest or whatever.

That was really, really easy.

...You know, rather than see this as a sign of goodwill from the Thieve's Guild, they're probably going to see this as a sign that it was Ontus who stole the staff. The poor guy will probably get the gallows.

OH WELL NOT MY PROBLEM.



IMPORTANT NOTICE

THE "CRYSTALHEAD FISTMAN" HAS ONCE AGAIN BEEN SPOTTED IN BRAVIL

WE WOULD ISSUE A WARNING TO CITIZENS BUT AFTER THAT PILE INCIDENT MOST ARE PRETTY MUCH DEAD ANYWAY

SO UH THERE ISN'T EXACTLY THAT MANY CITIZENS LEFT TO ISSUE A WARNING TO.

IT IS A SHAME BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY WE FEEL USEFUL.

WE ARE SAD NOW



Here is another picture of the pile.

I had a really, really hard time making this thing.

I am going to keep taking images of it until the daisies thing disappears.



S'Krivva is apparently in the "Lonely Suitor" inn.

Inside I find a guy with neat looking armor.

I've never seen armor like this before.

Ever.

I want it.



Oh look. He conveniently went into a frenzy for a reason that was totally unrelated to me at all in the slightest and totally wasn't because I cast a spell on him.

It looks as though I must now kill him in self-defense.

What a shame.



Oh dear he is dead this totally wasn't on purpose.

...hehehe



So apparently his armor is "Blackwood" or something.

I will take it.

I WILL TAKE IT ALL.




Yaaaaaaaaaay