Welcome Now to OBLIVION! An Elder Scrolls Let's Play.

[Fooflyer]

I found them interesting. Not so much as others, but at least they had some story.

[Zink]

Well, I'm bored of sitting in my house doing nothing. I'm gonna go adventure or kill someone or something. The kind of things I normally do.

Eh, the Thieve's Guild seems kind of interesting and I already joined a long time ago. I might as well see what they want me to do.



Anyway, I head to the Garden of Darecloth and wait until blah blah I'm sick of explaining this over and over.



SPECIAL MISSION GET



Oh boy! Stealing government property! I don't think I've ever done that before!

...Unless you count robbing guard barracks and taking armor off of a dead guard's body as stealing government property.





So apparently the leader of the Thieve's Guild is Robin Hood, and thus loves the poor.

How generic.

I ask him about this "Hieronymous Lex" of which he speaks.




I see.

That doesn't explain his needlessly long and stupid name.

I'll just beat that out of him when I have the chance.

Anyway, I accept the mission.



AND SO IT BEGINS



But... wait... I can't be a thief looking like this! I need some sort of super awesome thief uniform! One that looks badass and just screams "daring thief".



This is my first idea, but, eh, I've already used this uniform like a million times and it looks too generic. Not to mention it seriously chafes sometimes.

But then, I have a much, MUCH better idea.



I put on my Black Hand robes and my Hood of Order.

Now, this is seriously badass! This is pretty much the best thievin' uniform I could use! The mask hides my identity, and the robes boost all sorts of stats that help sneaking, like... you know... sneak.

I need some sort of badass name for this new secret identity of mine though. BUT WHAT?

I spend a short while thinking about it, but then I decide that YOU, the READERS, should have the power to name this secret identity!

So uh, yeah.

Suggest some names or something.

Meanwhile, I'll just be doing this quest.



I bribe a nearby beggar to tell me where the taxes are.

He tells me.

In retrospect, I probably should have murdered him to remove all witnesses, but eh I didn't think of that in time.



My new primary method of travel shall be rooftops while I'm wearing this.

It suits the look.



The guards and citizens pay no mind to this mysterious, masked and robed man walking through the streets. Which is kind of weird.

They don't even ask how I'm able to see out of this thing.



So apparently this is the entrance to the tower.

The bottom floor is open to the public, so I am able to enter without need of stealth.



This place is swarming with guards.

Lucky for me, they find nothing suspicious about a man wearing black robes and a mask walking into a tower and staring at a ladder leading to the part of the tower that is off-limits.

I had forgotten just how incompetent these guards are.



Ugh. These guards aren't going anywhere. These no way I can access that ladder without them spotting me.

I have no choice.

I have to kill them.



THERE IS A FIGHT!



For some reason, fighting guards with my bare hands feels way more badass and intimidating while I'm wearing this thing. Imagine it from others' perspectives. Imagine just watching this strange man in robes wearing a mask swiftly killing heavily armed guards with his bare hands without saying a word.



Man, I'm probably going to become some sort of urban legend like this.

So badass.



It is not long before one of the guards is nothing more than a bloody heap between a couple of barrels.



The puts up a pretty good fight for one guy. He even manages to knock me over once.



Unfortunately, reinforcements soon show up.

A lot of reinforcements.



Okay, I think I'm just gonna use that "frenzy/invisibility" combo I used to wipe out all those Golden Saints all that time ago.

Hopefully this won't backfire.



They uh

They don't seem to be doing anything.

I don't get it.... they're glowing red and all... They should be murdering each other...

I don't like where this is going.



It appears as though my clever scheme has failed.

Shiiiiiiiiiit



As a desperate last resort, I use the Staff of Sheogorath to make all the guards freeze in place.

Phew, that was a close one.



I take advantage of the guard's... not...moving...ness... and head up that ladder.

I keep heading up the ladders until I reach the top and make it to Long-Name Lex's office.



This is what I am greeted with.

It appears as though Lex and another high-ranking member of the watch are unhappy with my arrival.



Also two more regular guards show up and immediately knock me through the air.

THERE IS (yet another) FIGHT!



I begin getting my booty handed to me. I can take a few hits, though.



One down.



The other three look really rustled off now.

They should think twice before they mess with... err... whatever I'm going to this secret identity...



I manage to take out another one. The high-ranking looking one.

He's actually not supposed to show up until much later after I complete a bunch of Thieve's Guild quest, but that quest with the bandits and the boat in the Waterfront makes him show up early, for some reason.

Anyway, nothing of value was lost.



Soon the third guard is also dead.

Now only Lex remains.



He's knocked unconscious fairly easily, however.

I should probably grab those taxes and get out of here before he wakes up.



I find them in a nearby locked desk.

While, that was easy.



Now to get the hell out of here.



Actually, it turns out the bottom floor is filled to the brim with Imperial Guards.

So many, in face, that my view of the guard trying to arrest me is blocked by a different Imperial Guard.

That is how crowded it is.

...This does not bode well for me...



My booty promptly starts getting handed to me.



Lex even shows up.

...I think I'm screwed.



There's no way I can take all these guys out! I'm finished! Done for! That's it guys! This is the last update! "Death of a Manhuge", everybody! I hope you enjoyed the show!

My life is flashing before my eyes!

But then I get an idea.

A good idea.



I'm going to summon a Dark Seducer,



Then I will use this scroll to turn invisible.

It is so simple yet so genius!



You can't really see her, but behind that guard on the far right there is a Dark Seducer. She is hitting them with a mace in the back of the head.



She ends up getting killed, though.

And I turn visible again.



Shiiiiiiiiit



Luckily, the Staff of Sheogorath is able to save my booty.

I then get an idea.



I use the brief period of the guards not-moving to heal myself, and then I hit them hard as soon as they start moving again.

IT WORKS PERFECTLY.



I use it a total of three times to thin out their numbers a bit.

At that point, I decide to just fight them the old fashioned way.



Soon, they are all dead (Or, in Lex's case, unconscious).

I

am

so

badass.



Now I just need to get back to Armand without being detected.

Luckily, due to the fact that all that guards that were pursuing me are dead, I am able to fast travel to the Waterfront.



I then immediately jump into the water so the very few guards that patrol the Waterfront can't spot me.



I then head to the rooftops.

I really have no reason to. As I stated before, I think it just suits this look.



I'm not even going to explain it this time.

You can figure it out.

I get Armand to get rid of my bounty.



Really? All that murder didn't bother him at all? Seriously?

...Well, I'm certainly okay with this.



Well, I certainly sent that message. I must have killed at least 7 guards in there.



yaaaaaay.

I ask him if he has any other special missions.




Looks like I need to sell more loot, first.

Easy enough.


Seriously, though, Charlie Manhuge's new secret identity needs a name.

NAME

IT.

[Superior Bacon]

That was pretty epic.

[Palenque]

Charles Mcwimpy.
NO ONE WILL SUSPECT HIS REAL IDENTITY

[Mr. Mander]

Fistman

[Sloth]

Walter.

[Kalekemo]

Robey

[Shoolis]

Crystalhead.

[Zink]

Crystalhead.

Fistman

I am combining these.

It will be called "The Crystalhead Fistman".

It will be a name that will become a guard's worst nightmare.

[Shoolis]

All riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

[Palenque]

Crystalhead.

Fistman

I am combining these.

It will be called "The Crystalhead Fistman".

It will be a name that will become a guard's worst nightmare.

And his Arch Nemisis, SUPER-GUARD!

[Zink]

Crystalhead.

Fistman

I am combining these.

It will be called "The Crystalhead Fistman".

It will be a name that will become a guard's worst nightmare.

And his Arch Nemisis, SUPER-GUARD!

No.

His arch-nemesis would be a guard that is also a bear.

...Actually, that's probably just Charlie Manhuge's arch-nemesis should be in general.

[Topazshot88]

Someone needs to draw this, it's hilarious.

[Zink]

The bear would also be very good at swimming.

Very good.

[Palenque]

I am combining these.

It will be called "The Crystalhead Fistman".

It will be a name that will become a guard's worst nightmare.

And his Arch Nemisis, SUPER-GUARD!

No.

His arch-nemesis would be a guard that is also a bear.

...Actually, that's probably just Charlie Manhuge's arch-nemesis should be in general.

SUPER-BEAR-GUARD-OF-SWIMMING