AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Well, sorry about tha- WHOOPS LOOK LIKE I JUST DISAPPOINTED YOU AGAIN

You do realize that, now that I know this, I will be making a lot more non-update posts just to mess with you, right?

I said that a long time ago, also, lots of people agreed with me :V

Yeah I know.

I just didn't feel like messing with you guys then.

No, I think the best thing is access to the custom spellmaker.

You get to create a paralyze spell that lasts 1 second. Cast it on people so they fall down!

Spellmaking isn't as broken here as it was in Daggerfall, but it's still quite useful.

Zink wrote:Yeah I know.

I just didn't feel like messing with you guys then.

CURSE YOU ZINK

THE POWER HAS GONE TO YOUR HEAD

Okay, guys, it is time to JOIN THE MAGE'S GUILD

There will be seven quests done this update, so I hope you are ready for some rapid-fire questing!



I talk to Kud-ei and she let's me in the Mage's Guild. However, I must complete a recommendation quest from each major city before I can truly join.

FIRST UP: BRAVIL



Apparently some guy stole some girl's staff.

Kud-ei wants me to get it back. She gives me some crappy scrolls to help raise the guy's disposition, but I'm probably just going to use the conversation mini-game. It's easier than digging through my inventory for the scrolls.



So apparently the guy stole her staff because he is upset that she doesn't like him.

GEE I WONDER WHY



And he sold it to some guy ALL THE WAY OVER IN THE IMPERIAL CITY.

I DON'T LIKE THIS MAN



Luckily, the merchant is willing to part with it (after I do the conversation minigame a little bit, of course) for only 200 gold. Which is almost nothing for someone with as much cheddar as me.



MISSION COMPLETE

NEXT UP: CHEYDINHAL




So this guy wants me to find some stupid ring that's in some stupid well.

I have to talk to some stupid mage to get the key to said well.



So apparently the last guy to get the ring never came back.

I'm used to people trying to kill me for no reason, though, so I should be okay.

She does give me a crappy scroll that gives 30 seconds of water breathing and 5 points of feather. Which is almost nothing.



I go into the well, swim a short distance and find a corpse.

I guess that explains what happened to the last guy. He should really have remembered to, you know, breath.

I find the ring on his body and take it. HOWEVER, it turns out the ring of burden is called the ring of burden for a reason. I am promptly overencumbered and unable to move. I quickly use the crappy scroll I received so I don't end up with the same fate as the other guy. However, it isn't enough, so I take a swig of a highly addictive substance (skooma) in a desperate attempt to raise my strength to a high enough level so I can move even with the extra wait. However, that still isn't enough, so I am forced to use a different scroll, burst of strength, in order to have enough strength to move.



As I enter the mage's guild again, it occurs to me that I could have just carried the ring manually so it didn't encumber me at all.

I really feel like an idiot.



What's-her-face confronted the guy who tried to kill me and he ran away. She tells me to search his drawers to see if I can find a recommendation.



I find no recommendation, but I do find some black soul gems.

I am not sure what those are but they don't sound friendly.

I give them to what's her face and she tells me that "OH NO THIS IS BAD NEWS" but not much else.



MISSION COMPLETE

NEXT: BRUMA



Sounds easy enough.



The only guy who knows anything about funny-name's disappearance refuses to tell me anything unless I play a prank.

I do what he asks. I mean, it is pretty funny. Making people think they lost something is hilarious. Well, depending on the person, I should say.



He tells me to-... You know what? You can read his text. Do that. I have nothing to say or add.



I ask him about any rumors he's heard, just because, and he tells me about a vampire hunter or something that killed a guy that no one ever suspected was a vampire.

HOW SUSPICIOUS.

I will keep this in mind for when I am NOT trying to get into a very prestigious guild.



Anyway, I meet him at the place he told me to at the time he told me to, and he makes funny-name appear. Apparently, the whole thing was a prank.



That is understandable. Personally, I would just murder her, but that's just me.



MISSION COMPLETE

NEXT UP, LEYAWIIN



So apparently the head of the guild here has visions or something. They are out of control right now, for some reason. She tells me to talk to some other mage.



She wants me to ask around the guild to try and find out where the amulet is.

I am not sure why she can't do that herself, but whatever, I'm used to doing useless tasks like this by now.



So, mister Evil McGiant-forehead over here acts all suspicious and whines about how the old lady is the leader even though she has visions and mentions her dad or something.

I wasn't really paying attention because I was busy staring at that forehead

My god, just look at that thing



So anyway, what's-her-face tells me to talk to what's-her-face, who tells me to go to some fort or something.

I wasn't really paying attention because I was busy thinking about that forehead.



Hey, remember back when I was doing all those Dark Brotherhood quests, and that one Argonian told me to kill his old friend but I spared his life and used the heart of a different Argonian?

I fast-traveled to that guy's camp, since it was the closest thing to the fort, and I decided to take back that mercy.

I'm just a jerk like that.



Anyway, the fort is full of marauders.

They die easily, though, so it isn't that big a deal.

They have some valuable armor but my inventory is too heavy for me to carry any right now. I'm rich anyway, so it isn't like it matters that much.



The last room in the fort has some dead mauraders and a couple of monsters. For some reason.

I am not sure if this has any significance.

I find the amulet in a nearby coffin.



Suddenly, Forehead Man comes in and he's all like CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, MANHUGE.

Apparently he stole the amulet so the old lady would lose her position as guild leader so he could take over.



THERE IS A FIGHT



It was easily won, though.

His forehead made a great target.



MISSION COMPLETE

Before I leave, though, she tells me a vision of my future or something.



Does that have something to do with all those people I murdered?

It kind of sounds like it does.

Anyway, NEXT UP, SKINGRAD



The guild leader here wants me to find a mage named "Erthor".




Sounds like that's where I need to go to find him.



The guild leader gives me a crappy fireball spell that I will never use.

HOW USEFUL



Anyway, the cave is full of zombies.

I beat the shit out of every single one of them.



I find Erthor, who is glad the zombies are gone, and take him back to Skingrad.



MISSION COMPLETE

NEXT UP: ANVIL



The guild leader here wants me to help hunt down a rogue mage.

Finally, a guild leader that recognizes my skill as an assassin.



I am expected to work with some battlemages. Apparently, I need to tell everyone I am a merchant so I can act as bait for the rogue mage.

I don't think I like this plan.



Some old lady comes up to me and is all like "OH GOD PEOPLE ARE DYING HOW ARE YOU NOT SCARED AHHH"

It is really annoying.



PFFF! Like I need protection.



So apparently the old lady who seemed to be pissing herself in horror was actually the bandit the whole time.

PLOOOOOOT TWIST

Also if she plans to just kill me no matter what, why is she bothering to talk to me at all? She'd have a much better chance with the element of surprise.

I guess she, like most of the people in Oblivion, is just plain stupid.



Anyway, with four against one, she doesn't exactly stand much of a chance.



Well, that was easy.



MISSION COMPLETE

LAST UP: CHORROL



The Chorrol Mage's Guild leader wants me to investigate what a former guild member is up to.



Finding her is really easy since she's standing right outside the guild.




Apparently, she is looking for some dumb book at some dumb ruins.



And the guild leader wants me to go all the way out there and find it.

Greeeaaaat...



It's a fairly long journey, but I finally make it to the place and find the book in some rubble.



MISSION COMPLETE



I am now a full member of the Mage's Guild!

It's time to enchant all that Amber armor I've been saving!

And, yes, since you insisted, I will use bee-themed names for it all. Even though that's kind of weird.

AND YOU THOUGHT I COULDN'T PULL THIS OFF!

BEEEEES.

Actually Zink I never believed you couldn't do it.

You know you could have just picked up the ring, got the quest message, and put it back, right?


ALSO YES BEEEES

Helmet of Five Eyes.


When I was doing the Anvil quest, an imperial legion soldier came along and killed the battlemages.

Fooflyer wrote:Helmet of Five Eyes.


When I was doing the Anvil quest, an imperial legion soldier came along and killed the battlemages.

Same thing happened with me when I first did it.

I was really disappointed when it didn't happen this time.

So, here, it is. The main base of the mage's guild, the Arcane university.

...It looks a hell of a lot like the Imperial Prison...



Inside the tower, there a like a bajillion doors and a teleporter I'm not supposed to use.

I go ahead and talk to the important looking fellow that soon comes out of the teleporter.



Yaaaaaaaay



Wait, wait, wait. So, I run all over the land, doing everyone's chores, and I'm still only an apprentice?

...That really sucks.



At least the robe looks pretty cool.

It makes me feel... wizardy.



Yeah, your guild members kind of do suck.

Most people do, though.



Outside, I find the main part of the university.

There are a lot of buildings.



A lot of these buildings have names that are like a billion syllables long.

I can't tell what the hell any of them are.

I decide to head into the "Praxographical Center" because it seems as good a place as any.



Apparently, this is the spell-making place.

I KNOW WHAT SPELL I'M GOING TO MAKE!



Haha! An enrage spell like this will definitely come in handy for murdering people!

Unfortunately, I need an Illusion skill of 75 to make it.

Goddammit.



My illusion level is currently 34.



I have a lot of spell-spamming to do.



I decide to next head into the "Chironasium".

I really need to find out who named these places so I can beat the crap out of them.



These turns out to be the place where I can enchant my armor!

Who's ready for some bee-puns?





I make some kickass armor with some neat names.



Check me out now! With all light armor like this, I'll be able to move much faster and I'll get a huge defense bonus!

...Unfortunately, taking the heavy armor I was currently wearing caused me to become over-encumbered, so I have to put it all back on until I can find a place to sell it all.



Also, checking my inventory while I have a "light" spell activated creates a really neat affect.

It's a bit laggy, though.



Anyway, I sell all that heavy armor, and now I can wear my light stuff and move at the same time!



While running through the streets casting illusion spells on myself, I suddenly gain the ability to ask about corrupt watchmen.

That's probably going to be relevant for a quest later.

...So... uh...

Now what?

I don't feel like dealing with the Mage's Guild right now, so I'm not really sure what to do next.

I guess I'll just do an assassination for the Dark Brotherhood.

I don't think I ever got my reward from when I had to murder that entire family.



According to Queston, my next dead drop is in a well in the Courtyard of
Skingrad's Castle.

Inside I find 500 gold and my next dead drop.






A master of unarmed combat, huh? Hah! No one is a better unarmed combat-smith than Charlie Manhuge! Let's see how good this guy really is!

Also, I really appreciate the fact that I'm now being told why I'm being hired to kill these people.



I travel to Bruma and start heading towards that guy's house.

You know, it was really nice of the guy I'm about to murder to pay off the guards like that. Most people would, you know, want the guards to do something about them getting murdered.



I tell Martin to go wait in a corner while I break into the guy's house.



Inside, I find a trap door very poorly hidden under several sheets of cloth.

It's like this guy wants me to find and kill him.



The guy is just sitting, reading a book, inside his hidden training room.

He seems completely unalarmed about me walking in there uninvited.

I go ahead and give him the normal "SITHIS SENT ME MUHAHAHA" message.



Hah! Go ahead and try! None are better at unarmed combat than Charlie Manhuge!



THERE IS A FIGHT



The guy keeps crouching over a little bit when he punches, like he's aiming for my crotch or something.

That cheap son of a bitch.



Of course, the way he leans over makes it really easy to punch him right in the noggin.



Anyway, his attacks are weak and pathetic. About midway through the battle, I end up paralyzing him with a forward power attack.



I make sure he doesn't get the chance to get back up.



Ahhh... I really missed just how good these assassinations felt...

I wonder what my next one will be!

id like to read this but im too far behind and theres too much

Just read it little by little then.

I give all the updates stupid names in the table of contents, so you shouldn't have trouble remembering your place.

There's something odd about that scroll.

Also I am upset that you did not make a 1 second paralyze spell to make enemies fall down.