Let's Play Pokemon Platinum! [finished]

[Plasma]

Hey, hey what the hell?! Big Bads are meant to be at the BACK of the volcano, not at the very front! Goddamnit, Galactic, you suck at everything!


You'll 'bash' me? C'mon, even Garland's "I SHALL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN" line was more fearsome than that!


Aaand once again, despite facing off agains the Pokemon Champion, she doesn't see anything at all wrong with only using three Pokemon! Heck, you could've borrowed some from those two grunts back there!


Oh geezus fuck WHY MUST YOU TAUNT ME SO WITH A BRONZONG?! What kind of cruel god even created them anyway, they're really tough Pokemon that love using status effects, yet can't actually do any serious damage! It's like someone just thought "Hey, Zubats are cool and all, but what about... making an even tougher Pokemon that's also more useless to actually catch? Brilliant!"


This'd be a lot easier if I still had Heat Rotom.

Or an earth move.


I should really choose my team better next time.


GOD!
DAMNIT!


PsyGuy's Drain Punch is pretty much my only hope for making this battle quick and pa-


OH FOR FUCK SAKE!


Well at least Anti-Grav is resistant to steel and it's defence is high enough that psychic attacks won't do-


GOD!

FUCKING!

DAMNIT!


PAH! I FINALLY get a decent attack in!


....aaaand naturally it one-shots it.

Yes, that whole fight there could've been done instantly if I had managed to do one proper attack.



I FEEL... NOTHING BUT RAAAAAGE!!


Aaand a Golbat... that she STILL hasn't evolved yet! This is just getting ridiculous now.


Just. Ridiculous.


OH FOR THE LOVE OF- it's like her entire team is composed of Pokemon with a specific aim of PISSING ME OFF!


I should really rename Tastebud to Cannon Fodder. I mean, the only thing I actually use him for is as someone to get pounded on by the enemy while I switch-out-anticonfuse another one of my dudes!


Okay, hopefully that's enough to outright destroy it completely! Because I NEVER want to fight off against another superpowered Golbat again!


Oh... kay. That's... that's a lot more ordinary and non-annoying than the other two.


Which also means it goes down a whole lot faster than the other two too! Woop!


I like how ridiculously slow Anti-Grav is! All of his stats are double digits except for speed!

Good thing this isn't competitive play or he'd be wiped instantly!


FINALLY, A Team Galactic member that isn't completely ignorant of reality!


Look, lady, he got kidnapped by some dark shadow thing and got stuck in some crazy blue place! I can't be any more specific than that!


Y'know, after all this time, despite that her boss got lost... she never thought to get an outfit that isn't so utterly ridiculous! That... that's just sad.


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-


UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-


UUUCK!


And I don't even have Machineria anymore to deal with him! God DAMNIT!


I'm not leaving this one up to chance. I've been screwed over one too many times by that 70% hit rate!


BANG! And the Bronzong is-


...still there? OH GOD DA-


...mn? Huh, I guess Psychick's Future Sight actually came in handy for once!


Did I mention Future Sight ignores resistances? Yeah, that's why it can be pretty useful for some Pokemon!


Skuntank. Wouldn't be a problem if I actually had any Pokemon good for fighting with left.


I really need to use healing items more often. Especially in slow fights like with Bronzong!


Naturally.


OH COME ON! Even Skuntank has a status effect move! This is just REALLY pissing me off!


OH! COME! ON! It's... it's...



New theory: god has it in for me.


Oddly enough, AG actually survives. And yea, I know it's nearly dead now, but I'd go down in just one hit!


Now we're really ready to rock!


Okay, NOW we're really ready to rock!


Err... we might be more ready to rock than before?


And now we might be ready to-
Oh god damnit I give up! I'll just bloody attack already!


Heh.

HAHAHAHAH!

OH THAT IS JUST BRILLIANT!


You all remember what that effect means, right? Quick claw? Yeah!


Toasty!



OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I should've just let the Skuntank win!


I think it's best to go for the healing item rather than the revives. They haven't been working out well for me lately.


Welp, so much for using revives! Can't switch out now!



He better not use a Confuse Ray on me again...


Point goes to AG!


So what's the score now? 6 to me and... 11 to them? I... I am honestly ashamed at myself...


There! Done! And if I see that fucking Golbat one more time...


Have fun getting kidnapped by that suicidal emo god then!


Well it's about daisies time! Look, when your leader, the only capable (and, might I add, SO COOL) member of your entire team, got captured by a shadow, THAT'S when you should've rethought your career choices!


Jupiter follows suit! Aaaand that's the last we ever hear of the three commanders!

Spoiler: Saturn sucks and never appears again.

[InvisibleGoldenBulbasaur]

B-But Saturn's like a retarded Mr. Spock! D:

I must see you catch (or epically kill) Heatran now.

(You must also, at some point, obtain a Jynx named FROSTITUTE. Or a Froslass, whichever is easier.)

[Torizo]

Yes, Frostitute!

[Plasma]

You must also, at some point, obtain a Jynx named FROSTITUTE.

Consider it done! I still have another flipping iceland to go through!

[Snowman]

Don't eat the extra spicy hot sauce kids.

[Echo MasterMind]

I'd like to ask a question. I haven't followed this Lets' Play for a while since I've totally forgot to visit this forum for a long time (I'll catch up soonish).

My question is, didn't you face the Elite Four a long time ago?
Is there still much left to do?

My friend was thinking about buying a DS with Pokemon Platinum, so I'm just curious.

[Plasma]

I'd like to ask a question. I haven't followed this Lets' Play for a while since I've totally forgot to visit this forum for a long time (I'll catch up soonish).

My question is, didn't you face the Elite Four a long time ago?
Is there still much left to do?

Yes. There is a bloody LOT of stuff to do! Heck, I'm skipping most of it (most notably the Battle Frontier) because otherwise I'll be here for AGES!

[Plasma]

Hey kids, do you know what time it is? That's right, it's time for another GUEST TRAINER! More specifically, Username!


...I really wish he picked a better user name than that.


What? Team Galactic are "impressionable"? OHLY CARP WHAT A SCOOP!


Wait, hey, are you allowed to do that? I mean, are you allowed to just walk away from me?!
...
Goddam cutscene immobility!


I know it might not LOOK like I'm chasing after him...


...and that's because I'm not. I know well that no matter how fast I go, I'll never be able to catch up to him. Rather, no matter how soon I get there, I'll always be just in time!



I think I've played this game too much...


So now that my team are fully healed, let's do this again!



God, I hate mountains.


This flute is the most useful item in the entire goddam game!


....theoretically. In practice it's not very reliable...



Say, I have a question: how does the Black Flute work on Pokemon that can't hear?


Woo... ish. Well, I suppose I will need it sooner or later, but these things are dirt cheap nowadays!


See, THAT'S something more worthwhile!


Oh awesome, a Rhydon! I still need to catch one of these guys! And evolve it, now that that's actually possible!

I hope I don't accidentally kill i-


...

...

...

FOR FUCK SAKE!




With that Rhydon dead, buried, and peed on, now's a good time to point out that this is actually a three-level cave. Well, it's more like two levels, because the third one is a teeny tiny room.


Oh NOW he arrives! Geez man, you would've been a lot more of a help back when there was bloody TROUBLE! I mean, what the heck were you even doing once you heard "there's trouble at the volcano"? Sit around and have a cup of tea for a moment before adventuring onwards?


And so we have the third Stat Trainer, but not the last (yes, despite being so far into the endgame there's STILL another partnership to go through). You better not be as bloody annoying as Riley was, because you sure ain't as hot as Cheryl!


When I said "ain't as hot as Cheryl", that's not exactly what I meant...

This is easy they are just snails!

Dude, I've had my booty handed to me by a slug before!


Why the hell not?

Lickitung is only 3'11". I don't think he'd be physically capable of bringing BOTH of us down! ....even though I sure as hell would like to see it try!


Yes, considering that we beat a bunch of snails.

That were already on fire, might I add.


Its... its a Staravia. And that apparently beats everything?

Shiny!


What does a Calcium do again?

Boosts Special Attack. I know you don't care about things like that because your main Pokemon is a fucking Claydol! Even Riley's Pokemon had a better attack than yours, and it's at a far lower level!


By winning do you mean lose? Hehehe.

Why... why would someone go to the training area AFTER beating the Battle Tower? IT MAKES NO SENSE!


Oh no! Wait what?

Apparently a Pokemon based off of a boombox... with giant ears... can't actually hear.,,


But hey, at least it's true to it's nature of what boomboxes do: MAKE YOU DEAF!


FFFFF- I STILL hate defensive moves like this! COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A TRUE MAN! ...errr, I mean, LIKE A TRUE FEMALE PUFFBALL!


Killed... by an overdefensive puffball... I am truly ashamed of myself.


....buut apparently I'm not the only one to have a Pokemon beaten by a PANK ball of lard! HA!


Geez, what is it with these Pokemon that, should in all fairness be really weak, putting up a huge fight? I swear, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that the Pokemon coloured PANK are the strongest of all!


Well that's... sorta PANK...


On the other hand, so was Roosevelt.


Naturally, my own Pokemon are the exception to the rule, apparently!


This town ain't big enough for the three of us!


I... think I've made too many jokes about my Gallade facing a female Gardevoir. No, seriously, I'm completely out of jokes!


Oh LAWD, I remember that move! Ah, that really takes me back!



Which brings into question why a Level 59 Gardevoir has a move that a Level 22 Kirlia used...


D'awww, they just wanted to be alone!

Oh hey, I guess I wasn't out of jokes after all!


But... the Battle Tower doesn't let you keep your exp! And why would I even do that considering THIS is the main training area?! I've even got a buddy back here that seems to carry a Pokecenter in his pocket or something!


How did we get out here?

Well we could just climb that rock edge there if you had bothered to bring a Pokemon with hands with you!


Protect is useless anyway!

Not when your opponent has it! God, so much wasted PP! And always when I decide to use the 5PP Drain Punch instead of Psycho Cut!


No its not!

Don't dragons at volcanoes always end up DYING by heroes in those old stories?!


Okay, that? That is DEFINITELY NOT A DRAGON! THAT IS A MUTATION, A HORRIBLE MUTATION!

They both are horrible mutations.


Okay, that's getting a little better, but it's still more of a shark than a dragon.


HOLY CRAP, an ACTUAL dragon in this game! Wow, I guess there's a first for everything!

What kind of Dragon breathes water instead of fire?


Suuuure they do! I'm sure they just LOVE fighting to the death (or, at least, until fainting) inside a boiling hot VOLCANO! Yeah, totallu!


I hate it here!

That explains why you were more than content at just hanging around in a patch of mud when I found you earlier...


It's... a... dandelion.

I am fighting a dandelion.




Inside a volcano.



These Pokemon are getting lamer by the minute!

Can't you just kill it by blowing air next to it?


Err... were getting lamer. Because nobody can hate on AMPHAROS! Because it's AMPHAROS!

What the heck is AMPHAROS anyway? I mean, it evolves from a sheep, but... it... looks nothing like a sheep.



Of course, it's still utterly adorable anyway! I guess that's what happens when you're an AMPHAROS!

Looks like a cross between a pikachu and a sheep.


How is it rare? I find these all the time!

I STILL haven't actually done anything with the ones that I've amassed! I'm beginning to suspect Rare Candies are actually just sweets that have been lightly cooked.


End of an era, folks! I have finally given up on Drain Punch! I was meaning to AGES ago, as it's only a 60-power move, but simply could not find a move to replace it!


This truly deserves a good ol' fashioned WOOTINARY!

WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!


They better they raped my poor Pokemon.

How the hell am I meant to know? I mean, it's just a bloody cave entrance, I can't see anything special about it!
Heck, there's not even parts of a broken sign around that normally signify their presence!

[hotb]

This is you dying not the Rhydon.

That's a perfectly good amount of HP to catch it.

[Plasma]

That's a perfectly good amount of HP to catch it.

Why yes, I see nothing wrong at all with taking several turns to try catch a Pokemon that can OHKO you. Nothing at all!

[hotb]

Pffffffffft

an ultra ball would of cought that in one go.

[Plasma]

Pffffffffft

an ultra ball would of cought that in one go.

Actually, just calculated it there, that would only have a probability of about 40%.


That, and the Rhydon has already shown himself to be an utter bastard!

[The Bouncer]

They better they raped my poor Pokemon.

What.

[Plasma]

Err... yes, I was THERE for that, y'know!

I missed so much!


That's the only closure about Saturn you're gonna get in this game, by the way.

Well, that sucks.


Presenting Charon, who got his PhD in "The Bloody Obvious!"



One thing I'm really grateful for is that all the bad guy's plots seem to involve Legendary Pokemon... or more particularly, involving them in such a way that makes it very easy for me to catch them!

I want a Legendary Pokemon.


OH SHIT, IT'S MR. QUESTION AGAIN! I DIDN'T DO IT, YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!

I wondered how the kids would pronounce his name in school?


MR. QUESTION'S TRUE IDENTITY REVEALED!



Wait, shouldn't have I been able to tell where that voice was coming from?

Pah is a weird name for someone don't you think?


Wait... hang on, I think I missed something...



Is Looker actually proving to be... competent?!

HOLY PLOT TWIST, BATMAN! I mean screw Braid, this one REALLY brings a tear to your eye!

Is this the first time he actually did anything in the whole game?


And then Charon was arrested.

I missed the screenshot.



Umm... hang on... where the hell is my boss battle?! What, we got all the way through the volcano and catch the Final Big Bad just as he was about to conduct his nefarious deeds...

...and the police come in and arrest him without any participation from us?


Seriously. I don't think I can even call Pokemon an RPG anymore...

Dam it! I want it to beat some Team Galactic booty!


Mmmm, delicious mouthfuls of ash! Truly refreshing!


...what, if it works for Volvic, it works for me!

Taste like cotton candy doesn't it, Dude?


(At least, I think I put it where it belongs..)

Err... good, good, yes. I have absolutely no intention whatsoever of coming back here and stealing it for myself, so that I can wake Heatran myself. Nope. Totally not my intention!


OKAY GAME, ENOUGH! I GET IT! YOU WANT ME TO GO DO THE BATTLE FRONTIER! Geez, this game really loves hammering in its points!


We... we did not meet wonderfully...


And long may you be completely retarded yet somehow effectual!


Aaaand there goes Looker.


Which is actually the very end of the whole Team Galactic storyline.

...unless Cyrus ever does make it out of the Distortion World in a future game.


And I might as well get the whole Buck thing over and done with before I face Heatran!

That might sound backwards, until you notice that getting to Heatran would mean going through the volcano all over again!
`


Actually, for those of you who're interested, I still have to go through... three more caves! Not counting the temple or Turnback Cave.


...

Yes, of course it's me! You TOLD me to come here!


I'm gonna pretend McPants isn't there. Again. (I'm beginning to suspect cloning was involved at this stage)


Buck, why does your house have a cash register in it?!


I got here several episodes ago! Your welcomes are a little late!


Then how did you get in here?


ZING!


Okay, right after I catch Heatran, I am heading straight for the Battle Frontier! ANYTHING TO MAKE THE GAME SHUT UP!


...

GODDAMNIT GAME!




Aaaand I'm back at the league.
Why?


Well if you might have recalled, I had used up my last Dusk Ball catching that Beldum. And I completely forgot to stock up on them while going through the volcano! I probably would've been catching far more Pokemon otherwise!

Y'know, like... Graveler..
...and Slugma...


Okay, maybe there was another reason.


Epilepsie continues taking a back seat. Well he was sorta useful before, that counts for something, right?


Now I'm REALLY heading back to Stark Mountain!


Which also means I have to make my way back up there again! Boo!





Spoiler: nothing happened!


I still don't know why the game seriously expects this rock puzzle to be worthwhile. I mean, it's used it a dozen times before!


Aw, no more Buck. Fine, I guess I'll do this without the free healing!


I really need to invest in a Pocket Center already...


Spoiler: nothing continued to happen!


That... that was not there before!



Goddamnit Buck, your one job was to put the stone back to stop things like this from happening! Ugh!

[Alexandy13]

Hey Plasma, how'd you do the DS screenshot thingies?