AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I always thought Shinx and its evolutionary chain where some type of big cat and Shinx was like a kitten of some sort.

Airigh wrote:I always thought Shinx and its evolutionary chain where some type of big cat and Shinx was like a kitten of some sort.

They're based on lions.



And when I say lions, I mean puppies.



Also don't forget that I'm not relying on guides and amn't stopping for sightseeing, so if there's something of interest in a city that I missed, point it out.

Your Shinx will be a lot more useful if you, you know, evolve it.

Ah crud. Incoming side plot 12 o'clock!


When would you like him to comply again? I didn't quite get that.


Right. So you're trying to mug an old man... for research papers?!
You are the worst crooks ever! This is right behind Team Rocket's plans to capture Slowpoke so they can sell their tails!


To be more precise, 7:30 am.

WITHOUT ANY COFFEE!
BWAHAHAHAH!


Umm... you do realize you're being mugged right now, right? I mean, I'm sure you can delay the plot some other time.


Incidentally, why do these gangsters keep talking like Shakespeare? I mean, shouldn't you be threatening to put a cap in yo' booty or something? Hollywood can't be wrong about two things... right?


The professors handbook has a section on how to deal with people trying to beat you up:
"Berate them"


You can see why nerds are so often bullied now.


Even amidst a mugging, the game still feels the need to introduce another lecture tutorial!


I believe "looking for a sucker to mug" would qualify as a good enough reason myself.


Sage thiefery advice...?

The prof may be a bit loose in the head.


And by a bit, I mean a lot.


ESPECIALLY not when you're trying to be as intimidating as possible!


Remember: one sole enemy is just as hard to take down as a rule full of enemies. Inverse law.


Oh wow, a point in a Pokemon game where it didn't treat the bad guys' outfits as perfectly ordinary civilian clothes! That's a first!


Prof, no offense, but based on how much you managed to piss them off, I have doubts we're going to get to grow up at all!


...as opposed to the entirely formal act of mugging someone.
What, did you make an appointment with him beforehand to beat him up or something?


Well now its completely non-personal again. Make up your mind already!


Teach them civility using as much violence as possible. Rowan must be an American republican!


Great idea man, radical!


Identical twins, or something much more sinister? You decide!


What on earth is with that cat? Its head is the size of its body, and its neck is tiny! I mean man, you really need to bring that thing to the vet!

And as for you, Grunt #2: a skunk? You decided that the best Pokemon to have... is a skunk?!


It stinks in battle too!


Chances are I accidentally broke its neck. Whoops!


I win and it says I've failed the mission? BUG REPORT!


Or you could, y'know, beat us up without the use of Pokemon...

Nah, that would actually make sense. Fat chance anyone around here would do that!


I wonder if its the same mafia McPants is involved in. Well its dumb enough to be anyway!


SUDDEN CHANGE IN TOPIC!


Wait, that doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean, most Pokemon increase in size when they evolve, but they let out energy as well as that? Where does all that extra energy come from?


Oh c'mon, they can't seriously be worried about running out of fossil fuels, can they?


FINALLY someone starts praising me! I'll have you know I risked life and limb of creatures who aren't me in that battle!


...

If I ever catch a Slowpoke, I am definitely naming it Rowan.


Aaah! A fanboy! Why, god? Have I not suffered enough?


AAAH! HE MAKES VIDEO FANFICTION AND BROADCASTS IT!

I must solemnly swear never to look directly at a TV again!


Well, he wouldn't be a fanboy if he wasn't giving me gifts for no apparent reason...


Oh hey, the clown has actually decided to move his fat booty out of the way long enough for me to enter the building! How... thoughtful...


Umm... thanks... y'know, I wanted praise, but I think congradulating me for managing to walk through a door is a bit much.


Oh AWESOME!


Oh. That's like... two buck or something, isn't it.


Woo!

And already, after only getting one gym badge, I have managed to break the game balance.


Of course, I won't actually be able to use the ball at any point. It's too good to use that I'll end up constantly saving it!




Other than that, there wasn't really anything of interest in the building. Aside from getting to have a really ridiculous picture taken.


Yup.... that's a Psyduck alright...



TO ETERNA CITY!


Oh... oh god, the cute girl keeps staring at me. I don't know what to do. Should I wave or, or-


Aw nuts. She only wanted a Pokemon battle. You can tell because her speech said absolutely nothing about battling and was a slight innuendo.


I've got the odd feeling I should've gone down this route before heading to the gym.


Hm. Well now I'm just confused. Was what she said an accidental innuendo, or did she really think that I'm a hooker and can't tell the difference between a Pokemon battle and having sex?


If so, I'm still counting as scoring!


Personal space! PERSONAL SPACE!








Wait, say that again.





Yeah...



Now I'm getting the impression that I should've come down here before even getting a Pokemon!


Just... just put it out of its misery already!


Oh gods, they're following me wherever I go!


Oh look, another plant.

Seriously guys, what the fuck is with your god-damned pathetic Pokemon?!


You level up by beating plants, who are of no real threat to you anyway. Summary of this game.


MORE SPELUNKING! WOO!
And hints of ravaging too! This adventure is making a turn for the awesome!

Hey what's your SA name, I post in the pokemon thread there too.

This made me remember how stupid Team Galactic was. I kind of wish the next pokemon game would have a story other than "Team *insert name here* is doing bad things. Beat them. Also beat the elite four". Unfortunately, I think we all know that won't happen.

The "Team Whutsyerface" part of the game is the only part of the plot that deviates from game to game, and the only part of the plot that the developers could take risks with without getting some fans angry. So why don't they? Team Galactic is so stupid, it's like the game-makers just said, "Fuck it. This is the fourth game. They get the point."

Having a mafia Team full of less-than-intelligent grunts is a staple of every game, even spin-offs. They could change it, but its pretty much tradition.
Besides, Galactic was actually my favorite of the mafias.

grafe wrote:Hey what's your SA name, I post in the pokemon thread there too.

Don't have one. I don't go to SA. This thread is an Awkward Zombie Forum exclusive.

And, of course, I just so happen to have the required stuff for getting past the boulder.


Actually, come to think of it, how do vehicles get to Jubilife City anyway? I mean, there's no roads anywhere outside of it, and the only way out is either through a cave, off a ledge, or up a very narrow and steep slope...


Honestly, for a cave called 'Ravaged Path', its incredibly neat and tidy. I mean, even the walls are nicely square!


That... has to be the shortest tunnel I've ever seen.

So, just because I love pissing off the audience, I'm gonna take the other route and see where that goes!


Aw man, even the game doesn't want me to diverge!


It wouldn't be a cave if there wasn't any Zubats!




Well alright, its not a cave anyway, its a tunnel.


These ducks are giving me a serious headache now.


Well this divergence has been more or less pointless. I mean, I have the TM, but I don't have enough slaves to actually build the tomb with.



Or women.


The National Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Psyducks is gonna be on my booty for this!


ROCK used SELF-DESTRUCT!


Freedom! Woo! Sunlight! Arrgh!


Oh come ON! The enterance is just over there! I could've simply gotten here by climbing on that signpost, even!


And just what are you implying there?!


Wait, you think I'm attracted to flowerly Pokemon?! Ugh! UGH! That's bestiality, y'know!



Although come to think of it, it somehow seems better than trying to rape ordinary plants...


Owch! Zapuppy nearly got his booty handed to him by a plant! That would've been embarrassing!


Apparently, if you want to be able to grow, you have to be beaten to an inch of your life. Bullies are actually the saints of the earth.


Well its about daisies bloody time already, geezus!


Hmm... so a girl sent out a cherry-based Pokemon, and I intend to defeat it...


Nope, can't think of anything to joke about that!


Well I suppose being knocked out by a small fruit is a bit better than an unsprouted flower...


And by 'fainted', we mean 'got eaten'. Whole.


Hey, I thought you were supposed to hide in forests and such?


Yeah...

Heck, its not even worth showing what happens in this fight. Lets just say he lost. Horribly.

Who knew bugs had so much blood...


The background turned teal, guys. You know what that means, right?


Yeah! I have eye cancer!


...or my Starly is evolving. Hm.


Y'know, I would've preferred the cancer. I would get laid so much from the sympathy I'd be getting!



Although then again, getting a bigger bird is probably far more appealing to them.


Well I'm sure that'll be useful. I mean, if I actually had any grass Pokemon. And if grass Pokemon didn't utmostly suck anyway.


Starly.... I am your father...


Wait, I mean mother.



I hope.


Oh god! Symmetrical twins! Its like the main antagonists in every Japanese horror movie ever!


...well this is an unfortunately poor choice in starter Pokemon. I'm downright ashamed of myself.


Fangheis does what he does best! Scream at them until they don't know who they are anymore!
In the meantime, my Staravia just gets a plain ol' beating. Just like the olden days!


There's something a little wrong about sicking my man-sized bat on a little squirrel...


Quick question: how did NotPidgey managed to survive all that?! I mean seriously, how? How?! She should be dead, damnit!


Oh crap, the narrator was right. He can see into the future!


Also, it would probably help tourists if that giant sign actually meant anything.


I'd probably save myself a lot of time if I just bought one of those healing machines myself and carried it around with me wherever I went.


SUDDENLY, EATING! WOW! AMAZING!


Awesome! So not only can you beat up wild Pokemon, you can also take all the food they're carrying! Just when I was suspecting I couldn't be any more of a bastard.


Cute is: watching a Pokemon force another to starve.

Kawaii! ('v')


Remember folks, the needs of the main character outweigh the needs of the town. Or the one who owns the berry tree.


Hm.
Alright, its not a good sign when you touch a living thing and it withers up and dies instantly. I should probably consider taking a shower.



I mean, if people actually had showers.


Or bathrooms for that matter.

Ugh!




I know I like getting as much balls as I can (hurrr), but that thing isn't even worth getting. Not only is it near-entirely useless, as it only has an effect if you have less than 6 Pokemon with you but want to fight anyway, but they even managed to hammer the nail in any other thoughts by making it PANK!


Its a watering can shaped like a Psyduck's head.






But on closer inspection, its actually the other way around.


The NSPCP really suck at their job!


Why would you bother to plant berries? I mean, not only does it make them useless for battling with, but on the off chance that they do grow properly some random trainer comes up and steals them!


Note to self: Team Galactic apparently suffer from constant amnesia.


Flowers are so way uncool, dude! That's way bogus!





Wait, timeout. Did I just try and make 'cool' look like an out-of-date slang word? I'm either really ahead of my time, or I'm pulling a Yahtzee and insulting everything I come across. And that's totally not radical.


And I thought Rocket grunts had a hard time. Apparently, a good job by Team Galactic's standards is standing around in flowers doing nothing!


I think the signkeeper's slacking off a bit now. Floaroma Meadow is to the north of the town! Spluh!


Route 205! So very conveniently named in the order I visit these routes!

I love how in Pokemon games people just love to give you things for absolutely no reason.

This kind of goes for all RPGs, now that I think of it.

Zink wrote:I love how in Pokemon games people just love to give you things for absolutely no reason.

HERE HAVE THIS TM THAT YOU PROBABLY WON'T USE. EVER.

Oh right yeah. I decided to actually plant some berries anyway. Some people call it a change of heart. I call it "those dam Chesto berries were wearing down my bag".


Hark! That sounds like the familiar call of the rare red-spotted Plot!


Really? Because to me it looks more like you're just standing there at a bridge.


Oh. Well, that's actually a rather pleasant plan. Maybe you guys are alright after all.


Or, y'know, not.

Well, I suppose they wouldn't be antagonists if they didn't announce their secret plans at every available opportunity.


I do wonder why they decided to put a wind farm right next to the wonderfully beautiful town as opposed to out somewhere desolated. Or on that giant mountain over there.


Oh wow! Its a two-tailed orange fox! ...I mean weasel; no lawsuits about weasels, right?

Lets catch it!


No! Bad Zapuppy! No dog biscuit for you!


Oh hey, another one! Just in case the chance of a lawsuit wasn't hammered in.


'Bout time I got a new Pokemon! I can't even remember how long ago it was since I caught the last one.


Oh come on, Sega! How have you not sued them for this yet?!


It had to be done. It was even the right gender and all.


Aww, how cute. A litte squirrel! It's probably lost or something!


OH DEAR GOD WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT PSYDUCK EUGH AGH!!


Get in the ball! GET IN THE MOTHERFUCKING BALL!


Don't listen to it! They're not cute! They're monsters!


Still rather edible monsters, mind you.


Aw c'mon grunt, you used to be cool!


Really? Because I still look exactly the same as I always do.



Do I even have facial muscles?


A guy looks at you funny? BEAT HIM UP!


Ahahah! Who sends a cat out to fight a dog?


Well, fuck. What are you, a Golbat in disguise or something?


...shut up, I'm doing it for the Exp!


Wait, what? Dear god, you mean you're not going to just let me in for beating you in a Pokemon fight?! It feels like I'm not even in a Pokemon game anymore!


Hm. You think they'd give the keys to the people actually doing something in the building rather than off prancing in the flowers.

#
My god! Its full of flowers!

Also, this island seems to have difficulty deciding whether its Winter or Summer.


...I have only realized now that 'honey' is another words for heroine. Finally, they're acting like an actual mafia.


Same thing we do everyday, Grunt. Try to take over the world!


I mean, challenge him to a harmless Pokemon battle!


Seriously, when did the Teams start actually being like real mafia gangs?


I have yet to find what appeal the grunts have to skunks.


Aaah, what the hell? That's what Fangheis is meant to be doing, not you!


Hm. Seems like Fangheis has unfortunately fallen too low below the level boundary. Sorry guy, but you're getting stuck in the PC now.


Seriously, skunk, stop doing that already!


Aha! One level to go to evolution!


Y'know, you probably could've saved me a lot of time by battling together. Grunts must have trust issues with each other or something.


Oh wow, Tails actually has proper attacks! That's a first for a wild Pokemon!


I do wonder why these guys go through so little effort to catch Pokemon. Heck, they probably just hold up their ball in the air and walk through a cave.


Yeah, it didn't last long. Or last one turn, even.


Their common sense, by any chance?


Well at least they dropped it while they were running away. I've seen Rocket grunts drop stuff while standing completely still. Heck, they'd even notice they dropped it but not bother to reach down and pick it up. They'd even just stand idly still as some intruder just walks along and picks it up himself.


daisies you, SomethingAwful, this man is not a upstanding member of society!


Yes, that's SomethingAwful for ya.


Now this might seem stupid. I mean, giving away a portion of the stuff just after I stopped the guys who were trying to steal it. But remember what this honey really is and it makes sense.





Thanks for not, say, barricading the door or anything.


Amazing! Guards that actually raise the alarm, rather than just standing idly by! Mafias have really stepped up their act since last time!

That line always gets me.
"We are also covertly stealing the energy of the Valley Windworks"
Well it's you're not doing it very covertly if you TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT!

i lol'd with this post, is so epic win. i wonder why does all the bad guys are so stupid? do they do it on purpouse for making u feel superior?!
Ok..not

NSPCP