Zink's Safari Tour Into Webcomic Hell

[Wordsmith]

[Exeres]

[Winchester]

[[Citation Needed]]

[HisanTakura]

[Ganelon]

WHAT'S THAT, GUYS?! YOU WANT MORE BOSTON AND SHAUN?!

This is the original archive I linked. It's actually very incomplete, considering how its last comic is #677 in my most recent discovery.

This is the second one I linked, which begins at a much later date where Shaun is now a kangaroo. Note the total lack of improvement over three years.

This is, as far as I can tell, the first 851 pages of Boston and Shaun. There is still absolutely nothing related to Shaun turning into a kangaroo, yet the final comic is dated in 2004, and the first comic where he is seen as a kangaroo was made in February 12, 2005.

We're still missing a whole year.

Edit: I figure that some of you guys might not want to read through this masterpiece, and will miss out on some of the highlights. With that in mind, here are a few pages that stick out, in my opinion.

FUSION

TRAGEDY

HE'S DREAMING IN WEIRD

WHAT A BADASS

ROMANCE?

[HisanTakura]

It's...oh my god. It reminds me of an unintentionally horrible SBAHJ.

[Zink]

AND WE ARE BACK! I hope the wait wasn't too long. I also hope you haven't all died of starvation, because I actually forgot to pack any food into this jeep-raft-bus.

However, coming up to our right, we have the perfect thing to take our minds off slowly starving to death! If you take a gander to your immediate right, you will see...

LAW FOR KIDS



Intended to teach kids about law, this Arizona-based webcomic is one-part psuedo-educational, two-parts baffling, and three-parts HILARIOUS.

One notable thing about Law For Kids is that they, as you can see, lack a sixth panel. Why, you ask? I DON'T KNOW. Apparently, whoever is responsible for these just wanted to do five panels, but decided that it would look more uniform if each comic had a gaping white void of nothingness at the very end just begging to be continued.

Fun activity- draw in the sixth panel yourself. CREATE YOUR OWN ENDING!



I'm sure many of you have seen this particular strip floating around on the internet. It's quite possibly the most famous one, and for good reason.

Let's try to figure out what's going on here. First we see a girl and her friend standing in front of a car. "Cool car", she says, "let's take it for a ride!". And then do. Simple enough so far.

But what's this? They are soon pulled over for whatever reason. "But I wasn't driving!" the girl protests. "EVEN THE PASSENGER GETS IN TROUBLE!" the sheriff shouts at the top of his lungs.

...See, the main question I have here is WHY WERE THEY PULLED OVER? What are they in trouble for? Existing? Were they speeding? Driving through traffic lights? Jaywalking? Genocide?

IT IS A MYSTERY.



This one, initially, seems just as baffling as the first. But then you notice the beer bottle in his hand in the first panel. Apparently he was drunk driving.

I like how, rather than highlight the dangers of drunk driving, this comic basically just says "DON'T DO IT BECAUSE WE WILL ARREST YOU"



Uh oh! Looks like we have a schoolyard brawl on our hands here!

I like to imagine it was just an average day at first, but then that kid in the first panel just yelled "FIGHT" at the top of his lungs out of nowhere. Immediately, the two nearest punks, hearing the word "fight", starting to pummel the shit out of each other for no real reason. And then they get suspended.



Let's take a look at this one. This one is actually unique, for several reasons. One, it does not actually feature any teenagers BREAKING THE LAW, and two, it has six panels. It is something of a black sheep among the Law For Kids comics.

Notice the amount of laziness in this comic as well. Panel four is just a recolored version of panel one, and panel six is a recolored and zoomed-in version of panel two.



At first, the message of this one seems to be "DON'T DO MARIJAUNA OR YOU WILL BE UNSUCCESSFUL AND GO TO JAIL."

But let's take a closer look here.

Notice how the lighter skinned boy goes on to be a successful businessman (or... pie chart point-to-er) while the darker skinned boy ends up in jail. That's right kids. This comic isn't about drugs. It's about RACISM. The only moral in this here comic is "remember, all minorities end up in prison".



Look at that first panel. Those three kids are scared shitless. Look at their eyes. They look as though someone's pointing a GUN to them, forcing them to drink beer and have a party.

Suddenly, the cops show up. "THANK GOD" the children think, believing themselves saved from this horrifying forced-party-hostage-situation. Unfortunately for them, these cops are not responsible. As is clearly evidenced by the cop's eyes in the last panel, these police officers are stoned out of their minds. They are incapable of recognizing that this party is not a true one, and instead start busting the kids for underage drinking.

The moral is that you shouldn't do drugs if you are a cop.



Ah, yes, I remember randomly calling in bomb threats to the school whenever I was bored. Because, you know, caller ID isn't something that exists or anything.

Notice how the Principal desk-nametag-thing is facing TOWARDS him, as if he needs it in order to constantly remind himself that he is, in fact the principal.

Also notice how he principal does not only expel Tommy, but expels him permanently. You know, as opposed to temporary expulsion.

The moral here is that saying "permanently expelled" is very redundant.



Once again, the lesson here is taught not by showing the safety consequences, but a simple "DO THIS OR WE WILL ARREST YOU".

...Wait, where did they get the booster seat in the last panel there? Did the police give it to them? Where did it come from?

IT IS ANOTHER MYSTERY.



The moral here is to not shoplift when there is so easily a shoplifting detector thingy right at the entrance. How the hell did the kid not see that? Is he blind?

I love the facial expression on the clerk in the fourth panel, by the way. She's not angry, she's just disappointed. She expected better from him.



Here we have a student walking off a bus to skip school. This-

...wait...

...Why is she walking off the bus to skip school? Is the bus driver just okay with this student randomly walking off the bus for no reason? If she was going to skip school, why did she get on the bus in the first place?

IT IS YET ANOTHER MYSTERY.

However, she is soon caught as a police officer materializes out of THIN AIR with a magical "BAM". "You should be in school. It's illegal to skip school!" The redundant magical genie cop says. "Sorry," the girl responds.

AND ALL IS FORGIVEN.



Never smoke in school, kids, because stalker-teacher is ALWAYS WATCHING.

I love how the principal lists a fine and community service after the detention as an afterthought, like it isn't as bad as the detention. HOORAY FOR PRIORITIES!



ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE IS-

...nothing. This one is boring.

MOVING ON



Holy shit that gun is HUGE. He probably didn't even have to fire that thing! He just had to whack the bully over the head with it and THAT WAS THAT.



I like how in this comic, these kids get away with both smoking AND staying out after curfew.

REMEMBER KIDS, AS LONG AS YOU PUT OUT THAT CIG IN TIME, YOU WON'T GET IN TROUBLE.

Also, notice how the neighbor-cop says "want to get arrested? Walk home with me." This implies that they should follow him home if they want to get arrested. And they do follow him home.

I guess getting arrested is the cool thing to do these days.



AND THAT'S LAW FOR KIDS, GUYS! Yep, that was every single Law For Kids strip. There are not that many of them. There are, however, a bunch of toons that I can't review because they aren't comics. You can watch them here: http://www.lawforkids.org/toons/browse.cfm . They are equally hilarious. AND NOW FOR THE AIRGH SCALE!

Aesthetics- 4 So much copy and pasting. Copy and pasting everywhere. Every face looks exactly the same. Buuuut... it isn't repulsive, so it gets a four.

Improvement- 1 Everything looks the same, there isn't any.

Readability- 4 It's hard to tell what's going on in a lot of the comics, but at least he word bubble order makes sense most of the time.

Goodwill- 7 It IS trying to teach kids about the LAW, after all. That's important I guess. It's just... really bad at it.

Humor- 8 Not intentionally, of course, but I honestly find Law For Kids bad in such a hilarious way that it is one of my favorite webcomics. It's the best kind of terrible. The kind that you can't help but laugh at.

Looks like it gets a 48%. Not too bad. Admittedly, a lot of those points come from being unintentionally hilarious, so take that score with a grain of salt.

Unfortunately, not all bad webcomics are as nice and silly as LFK. We will be returning to LFK many times, friends. Not for laughs, but for refuge. We are going to be diving into the TRUE levels of webcomic hell now, friends, and LFK will be necessary to clear our minds of the filth when need be.

It gets far worse from here on, friends (Just kidding you aren't my friends I hate you all). Brace yourselves.

[FMAWolf]

I just laughed so much harder than I should have. Which is great because it will all just turn into horrible cringing and whimpery-noises before long I'm sure.

[Zink]

WHOOPS I FORGOT TO DO THE AIRGH SCALE

I just edited that in.

SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

[Exeres]

I like to think the mysterious missing sixth panel is a Choose-Your-Own-Ending thing.

[Shad]

[impmon08]

gonna just leave these here.





coulda sworn I had more, like at least a street fighter/mortal kombat edit of that one with the FIGHT.

[Zang]

God...these comics...


these animations...


OhGodwhy

[Exeres]

YES.

EDITS.