AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It's time to face facts. You haven't been the age you are now forever. You were once a little tyke with more energy than common sense, and you undoubtedly acted like it, so regale us with the tales of your youth.

Apparently when I was a lad I used to break open all the child-proof locks in the house, whether there was something behind them or not. I just liked doing it.

I also loved making up stories that I would roleplay as I created them. I was a one-kid acting troupe. I did all the characters and all the sound effects, from gun shooting to lava surfing.

My parents used to play Bohemian Rhapsody in the car because I would sing it at the top of my lungs. They especially enjoyed the FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

When I was little, my slightly older sister would talk to everyone. I mean everyone.

It was kind of amusing, but I think it terrified my mom.

I started a car when I was five. Good thing I didn't know how to change gear.

When I was a mere wisp of a lad, I could identify Metallica on the radio. My parents were so proud.

One of my favorite stories.

It was the third or fourth day of Kindergarten, and I still had my imaginary friend, Invisible Steve. She (I didn't really get the difference between male and female names) and I really liked the color purple, and any time I did something bad, It was supposedly her fault.

Well, on this day in kindergarten, we were doing arts and crafts, and one of the supplies was a glue stick. Do you remember those Elmer's glue sticks that were purple? Well, the other biggest (I was the biggest girl) kid in the class, Tyler, also wanted a purple glue stick. There was one left. I think you see where I'm going with this.

Invisible Steve shoved Tyler out of the way, and I reached into the drawer for the glue stick. Tyler and I ended up actually coming to blows over that glue stick, and then, when we opened it up, there was only a little bit left, and it was all dried out and unusable.

Apparently I used to sleepwalk a lot. Sometimes I would actually get out of the house, so my parents eventually put bells on the front door

You know how when you pinch your finger, it turns slightly yellow briefly? When I was younger, I thought it was because we were made of butter.

I remember something to do with dandelions and butter.

This one time, when I was only around six or seven years old, I walked right out of the house, down the sidewalk, around the corner, and stopped at a gate in a fence. On the other side was the most adorable beagle ever, and the nicest oldish lady ever. I have NO IDEA what her real last name is, but I always called her Mrs. D. I'm assuming her last name began with a D, or her first name did, or something.

Anyway, mom panicked and sent my sister out to find me, and there I was, playing with a beagle and listening to an oldish woman talk, just about four houses down from mine.

When we moved when I was 12, my sister and I must have spent hours playing with that beagle and listening to Mrs. D talk in those years. She was so nice. :>

So yeah there wasn't really anything exceptionally stupid in that story, except maybe the dandelion thing at the beginning of this post that is completely unrelated.

When I was 2 my brother was playing with his bebegun. He shot me in the butt through my diaper. I can still feel that bebe in my butt today if I sit a certain way.

The doctors didn't want to take it out because it would have done more harm then good to remove it.

BB**

Edit: Also I thought they could only do real damage if they hit you in the eye or something.



YOU LIED TO ME, WEIRD FIRING RANGE GUY AT CUB SCOUT CAMP.

[Citation Needed] wrote:BB**

Oh my gosh, Tori, that is adorable.

Also, I thought of another one. When I was about four, I thought that there was a mermaid that lived in the irrigation canal next to our house. I don't know what had caused me to start thinking this. I must have seen a reflection or something that I thought looked like it. But anyway, I started flipping the fuck out in October when "WHERE DID THE WATER GO?" I was so scared that my mermaid was going to die from thirst.

When I was a kid I used to sleep walk around the house, occasionally someone would happen to see me and ask me questions like why was I up or what I was doing; and I'd stop what I was doing and just stand there, and according to them sometimes I'd slowly turn and "look" in their direction and just stare at them for a bit.
And after I few awkward seconds I would turn around and go back to my room.

Creeped the fuck out of everyone.

I remember waking up one morning when I was little, stark naked, and holding onto the toilet with my face rested on the seat as if I had thrown up. I vaguely remember my dad saying something along the lines of "thought we wouldn't have to deal with this for about fifteen more years"

There was also one time where I sleepwalked out into the living room, sat down on the floor as if watching TV, and took off the oversized T-shirt I wore as a nightgown. I remember doing that now, but I wasn't conscious of it then.

I had this weird habit of taking off my clothes whenever I sleepwalked. It made my parents thankful that we didn't live close enough to anyone for the inside of our house to be visible.