Uncle Dimm's Storytime Extravaganza
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Tall-Hatted Yanimae
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That would have been a viable answer had I not had this mans balls mere feet away from my face. I was not thinking correctly.Ame no Akai wrote:You could always pull a magnet across his crotch for the funsies.
Also known as targeting his weakpoint for massive damage!
[img]http://i.imgur.com/mev1N.png[/img]
Chapter 10: In which Dimm finds a human shield
So I'm not sure if you could garner it from my posts but as a man, I love playing me some airsoft. I find it much more fun than paintball, mainly because the community doesn't suck as much, there's more of a milsim side to it and the guns and gear don't look like big toys. It attracts a different kind of person I suppose. I also enjoy real guns, and shooting guns of all kinds. But Airsoft, Airsoft is something alright. A friend and I spent our entire freshman year at college working with the SGA and our university to get a sponsored Airsoft Club/Airsoft Team. I'm still captain and president to this day and we pretty regularly go out and sling some plastic.
But this isn't about me being president, no. It's about my team being good at what we do.
Cut the clocks back to last year around this time. Me and my guys decided that we were gonna drive 4 hours away to Manassas, where there's a huge indoor arena for Airsoft. Imagine a big city block recreated inside of warehouse. Buildings, hallways, choke points, oil drums, the whole nine yards. This place was huge and pretty daisies awesome and I'm counting days until we get to go again. Anyway, to get this story off we got up there and stayed over with a guy in the club that actually lives a few miles away from this place, saving us hotel cost and whatnot. We spend the whole night before we go on saturday sitting in his pretty swanky basement and playing Goldeneye on the N64 and shouting at each other (Occasionally I would pull out my handgun and shoot someone in the booty if they were being a douche in Goldeneye. Karma.)
Well next thing we know it's saturday morning and I promptly wake my guys up by firing off a couple of rounds at the club punching bag while he was asleep in the sleeping bag he brought. That got everyone else up real quick. We go upstairs and Ken's folks had cooked us some awesome breakfast. So we down the bacon and eggs and more bacon like men and then we set out for ACQB.
Now this place has a store as well as the facility so we decided to go in and look around since some of us had some cash and this is the best way to find an airsoft gun you like. Buying online is great and all but you don't know how the gun is going to feel/perform until you get it, and after you've paid for it. Well since this place is indoor they have restrictions on the feet per second rating of the guns you can use (Have to use under 300fps)
Most of our guns didn't clock that low. My lowest hit around a steady 310FPS (They wouldn't let me use it. On that note, my highest was hitting around 480fps, which a lot of times in outdoor games means I can't shoot anyone unless i'm more than 20 feet away. Shit hurts if you get hit up close.) So we were dabbling in the store looking for something cheap we could modify to shoot under 300FPS. I see a pretty sweet P90 that's relatively inexpensive because it's preowned, but it shot next to 380 and even dropping a cut spring into it wouldn't bring it down low enough.
Now we talked to the guys at the store and they casually mentioned that the field had no restrictions on shotguns. I see this as my opportunity to buy a gun that will be useless almost anywhere but here. They had two shotguns, one that shot standard 6mm pellets and one that shot the fancy 8mm that you only see in high end guns (and is substantially more expensive.) The 6mm was a knockoff of the 8mm, but was full metal and felt solid and had a good racking sound. So I picked it up for $200. Here I come fuckers.
As we were getting ready to leave I happen to glance over and see that they have a big selection of Tornado Grenades. Now for those that don't know, a tornado grenade takes and holds about 180 bb's in a helix formation inside of the grenade. It's gas charged and when the thing goes off, it sprays bb's out of each side in opposite directions, twisting the grenade as they fly out and generally causing buttrape to anything in range of these things. They also happen to be expensive, though. Like $120 expensive. I have cash to blow so I say fuck it and pick one up (They're reusable.) So now I'm armed with a gas powered shotgun that shoots about 5 bb's in a spread at a good range and a grenade that causes fuck all damage when in close quarters. The whole daisies facility is close quarters, I'm about as CQB as they get now.
So we head over to the complex. We put our stuff in the ready room and start loading gear. Filling the shotgun, the grenade. Gassing them both. Strapping my pistol to my leg. Slinging my SMG over my shoulder in case I should need some extra kick (A small MP5K a friend let me borrow.) Putting on Mask and vest, stocked with magazines, extra ammo and a radio that links with my squad.
We're fucking ready.
So we head into the briefing room for the game. And we look around and we notice a disturbing trend. About half of the room looks like they're 12 years old. It was like...
like a room full of Malum
(Disclaimer: I mean this in a joking manner, Malum, I just think of you when I think of 12 for some reason)
So we've got half Malums and half regular sized people. So we're doing two flag capture with jailbreak. Basically what this means is there's a flag in each base at the end of the complex. You get tagged, you get put in jail on the other base's jail. Someone has to come by and bust you out. Essentially you could win just by mowing down the other team.
Well when the teams split my guys look around and realize that we're with the Malums. Like all of them. There's about 15 or so. We look at each other and sigh a bit and then the game starts. We go low through some winding hallways with small rooms and plenty of corners to hide in. Some 5 or 6 of the Malums decide to come with us, but they decide to go in front of us.
Now you can hear battle going on, shots richocheting around, and these guys get freaked out. We're trying to get through the hallways and these things are narrow, maybe two people wide at most. When 6 12 year olds clog up a hallway there ain't no getting through. So we decide to use these guys to our advantage.
We stack up on a hallway corner. One of the Malums is in front of me at the corner. He won't step out even though I've said I'll cover him. I just want him to jet across to the other side so we can have some cover fire for our guys to advance down the hallway. But he won't budge. Scared as hell to step out where there's guys on the other side of the hallway. So I take things into my own hands and push him out into the open. He stands there like a deer in the headlights before he gets shot the fuck up. Of course I've used his distraction to peek out and tag the two guys standing at the other end of the hallway. His sacrifice (rather my sacrifice) was not in vain.
5 of them left. Use them wisely. They become more like a resource than actual team members because they won't do anything unless you make them. We rush down the hallway, my guys in front. Stacking at the end we break around cover into heavy fire. We duck back behind the corner, except for one of my guys that got stranded because one of the 12's wouldn't move. Both him and the Malum were mowed down. 4 left. 3 of my guys with me.
It's around this time that I get a devilish idea. Like, I'm talking worse than my usual ideas. Considering my usual idea thought that riding a speeding train hanging on a ladder was a good idea, this had to be bad. I look down and see one of the 12's is wearing a vest with a hand hold on the back. This is for carrying the vest one handed when you're not wearing it. I had another idea. I told the kid to ready his gun because I had an idea. He didn't know what was going on until I slung my shotgun, drew my pistol and slid my arm through the hand hold on the back of his vest and picked him up. I then proceeded to step around the corner holding this 12 year old with one hand and popping rounds with the other. Now the guys at the other end of the hall couldn't tell what was going on and spent a few seconds dumbfounded at what they saw before them. That was their mistake. I popped 3 of them before they realized what was going on and the little one took one to the chest before I got the last guy. I placed him down on the ground and closed his eyes. God rest his soul.
3 left. We pushed through to the enemy base and sent in two of them to the flag room to determine where the enemy was bunkered down. My team steps in and pies off the room and easily takes the three guys hiding in there. We grab the flag and run like hell back towards our base but the flag carrier gets mowed by 4 guys heading towards us. We all duck behind cover, me and two of my squad. We head into the windy hallways to escape the pursuit that's coming after us. I duck in a corner and tell my squad to flank around and try to get the flag that I was going to take care of the guys following us. I duck down in the corner and one guy pops around the corner, not expecting me to be there. I place a burst from the shotty right center in his chest and he yelps and runs back the other way, calling hit. As I hear him walking back I hear him say to his teammates, "There's a guy around the corner."
Now here's a problem. My shotgun just ran out of gas and I used all of my magazines for the SMG. Handgun is strapped in the holster. I start gassing the shotgun before I hear them. They're all 12's. I hear one of them trying to muster the others to bravery. "There's only one of him, there's 6 of us!"
fuck
Well I told my team I'd buy them some time so I try to figure out a good idea when I notice the grenade hanging off of my vest. Time to earn your keep. I creep closer to the corner and listen to them stepping around trying to come closer to me. Slowly, surely. I pull the pin on the grenade and toss it underhanded around the corner. I hear two of them say "Huh? What's that?" before it explodes in a shower of plastic death. I hear them all yell out various profanities and yelps of pain. I shout around the corner, "CALL THEM" so they can call their hits. I hear the word "Hit" 6 times. Good throw. As they dip out I pop around the corner and pick the grenade up before heading back to my base to catch up with my team. They made it in time to get the flag and hauled it back. Victory.
That match was one of the greatest of my Airsofting career. We played Black Hawk Down later that day, where there's 4 chalks of 4 people (The helicopter crews) and the rest of people are swarming Somalians. We ended up being the last chalk to survive and I was second to last alive because I pushed a guy back into cover to buy him some time. 150 kills would stop the somalians and the chalks would win. We were at 143.
So I'm not sure if you could garner it from my posts but as a man, I love playing me some airsoft. I find it much more fun than paintball, mainly because the community doesn't suck as much, there's more of a milsim side to it and the guns and gear don't look like big toys. It attracts a different kind of person I suppose. I also enjoy real guns, and shooting guns of all kinds. But Airsoft, Airsoft is something alright. A friend and I spent our entire freshman year at college working with the SGA and our university to get a sponsored Airsoft Club/Airsoft Team. I'm still captain and president to this day and we pretty regularly go out and sling some plastic.
But this isn't about me being president, no. It's about my team being good at what we do.
Cut the clocks back to last year around this time. Me and my guys decided that we were gonna drive 4 hours away to Manassas, where there's a huge indoor arena for Airsoft. Imagine a big city block recreated inside of warehouse. Buildings, hallways, choke points, oil drums, the whole nine yards. This place was huge and pretty daisies awesome and I'm counting days until we get to go again. Anyway, to get this story off we got up there and stayed over with a guy in the club that actually lives a few miles away from this place, saving us hotel cost and whatnot. We spend the whole night before we go on saturday sitting in his pretty swanky basement and playing Goldeneye on the N64 and shouting at each other (Occasionally I would pull out my handgun and shoot someone in the booty if they were being a douche in Goldeneye. Karma.)
Well next thing we know it's saturday morning and I promptly wake my guys up by firing off a couple of rounds at the club punching bag while he was asleep in the sleeping bag he brought. That got everyone else up real quick. We go upstairs and Ken's folks had cooked us some awesome breakfast. So we down the bacon and eggs and more bacon like men and then we set out for ACQB.
Now this place has a store as well as the facility so we decided to go in and look around since some of us had some cash and this is the best way to find an airsoft gun you like. Buying online is great and all but you don't know how the gun is going to feel/perform until you get it, and after you've paid for it. Well since this place is indoor they have restrictions on the feet per second rating of the guns you can use (Have to use under 300fps)
Most of our guns didn't clock that low. My lowest hit around a steady 310FPS (They wouldn't let me use it. On that note, my highest was hitting around 480fps, which a lot of times in outdoor games means I can't shoot anyone unless i'm more than 20 feet away. Shit hurts if you get hit up close.) So we were dabbling in the store looking for something cheap we could modify to shoot under 300FPS. I see a pretty sweet P90 that's relatively inexpensive because it's preowned, but it shot next to 380 and even dropping a cut spring into it wouldn't bring it down low enough.
Now we talked to the guys at the store and they casually mentioned that the field had no restrictions on shotguns. I see this as my opportunity to buy a gun that will be useless almost anywhere but here. They had two shotguns, one that shot standard 6mm pellets and one that shot the fancy 8mm that you only see in high end guns (and is substantially more expensive.) The 6mm was a knockoff of the 8mm, but was full metal and felt solid and had a good racking sound. So I picked it up for $200. Here I come fuckers.
As we were getting ready to leave I happen to glance over and see that they have a big selection of Tornado Grenades. Now for those that don't know, a tornado grenade takes and holds about 180 bb's in a helix formation inside of the grenade. It's gas charged and when the thing goes off, it sprays bb's out of each side in opposite directions, twisting the grenade as they fly out and generally causing buttrape to anything in range of these things. They also happen to be expensive, though. Like $120 expensive. I have cash to blow so I say fuck it and pick one up (They're reusable.) So now I'm armed with a gas powered shotgun that shoots about 5 bb's in a spread at a good range and a grenade that causes fuck all damage when in close quarters. The whole daisies facility is close quarters, I'm about as CQB as they get now.
So we head over to the complex. We put our stuff in the ready room and start loading gear. Filling the shotgun, the grenade. Gassing them both. Strapping my pistol to my leg. Slinging my SMG over my shoulder in case I should need some extra kick (A small MP5K a friend let me borrow.) Putting on Mask and vest, stocked with magazines, extra ammo and a radio that links with my squad.
We're fucking ready.
So we head into the briefing room for the game. And we look around and we notice a disturbing trend. About half of the room looks like they're 12 years old. It was like...
like a room full of Malum
(Disclaimer: I mean this in a joking manner, Malum, I just think of you when I think of 12 for some reason)
So we've got half Malums and half regular sized people. So we're doing two flag capture with jailbreak. Basically what this means is there's a flag in each base at the end of the complex. You get tagged, you get put in jail on the other base's jail. Someone has to come by and bust you out. Essentially you could win just by mowing down the other team.
Well when the teams split my guys look around and realize that we're with the Malums. Like all of them. There's about 15 or so. We look at each other and sigh a bit and then the game starts. We go low through some winding hallways with small rooms and plenty of corners to hide in. Some 5 or 6 of the Malums decide to come with us, but they decide to go in front of us.
Now you can hear battle going on, shots richocheting around, and these guys get freaked out. We're trying to get through the hallways and these things are narrow, maybe two people wide at most. When 6 12 year olds clog up a hallway there ain't no getting through. So we decide to use these guys to our advantage.
We stack up on a hallway corner. One of the Malums is in front of me at the corner. He won't step out even though I've said I'll cover him. I just want him to jet across to the other side so we can have some cover fire for our guys to advance down the hallway. But he won't budge. Scared as hell to step out where there's guys on the other side of the hallway. So I take things into my own hands and push him out into the open. He stands there like a deer in the headlights before he gets shot the fuck up. Of course I've used his distraction to peek out and tag the two guys standing at the other end of the hallway. His sacrifice (rather my sacrifice) was not in vain.
5 of them left. Use them wisely. They become more like a resource than actual team members because they won't do anything unless you make them. We rush down the hallway, my guys in front. Stacking at the end we break around cover into heavy fire. We duck back behind the corner, except for one of my guys that got stranded because one of the 12's wouldn't move. Both him and the Malum were mowed down. 4 left. 3 of my guys with me.
It's around this time that I get a devilish idea. Like, I'm talking worse than my usual ideas. Considering my usual idea thought that riding a speeding train hanging on a ladder was a good idea, this had to be bad. I look down and see one of the 12's is wearing a vest with a hand hold on the back. This is for carrying the vest one handed when you're not wearing it. I had another idea. I told the kid to ready his gun because I had an idea. He didn't know what was going on until I slung my shotgun, drew my pistol and slid my arm through the hand hold on the back of his vest and picked him up. I then proceeded to step around the corner holding this 12 year old with one hand and popping rounds with the other. Now the guys at the other end of the hall couldn't tell what was going on and spent a few seconds dumbfounded at what they saw before them. That was their mistake. I popped 3 of them before they realized what was going on and the little one took one to the chest before I got the last guy. I placed him down on the ground and closed his eyes. God rest his soul.
3 left. We pushed through to the enemy base and sent in two of them to the flag room to determine where the enemy was bunkered down. My team steps in and pies off the room and easily takes the three guys hiding in there. We grab the flag and run like hell back towards our base but the flag carrier gets mowed by 4 guys heading towards us. We all duck behind cover, me and two of my squad. We head into the windy hallways to escape the pursuit that's coming after us. I duck in a corner and tell my squad to flank around and try to get the flag that I was going to take care of the guys following us. I duck down in the corner and one guy pops around the corner, not expecting me to be there. I place a burst from the shotty right center in his chest and he yelps and runs back the other way, calling hit. As I hear him walking back I hear him say to his teammates, "There's a guy around the corner."
Now here's a problem. My shotgun just ran out of gas and I used all of my magazines for the SMG. Handgun is strapped in the holster. I start gassing the shotgun before I hear them. They're all 12's. I hear one of them trying to muster the others to bravery. "There's only one of him, there's 6 of us!"
fuck
Well I told my team I'd buy them some time so I try to figure out a good idea when I notice the grenade hanging off of my vest. Time to earn your keep. I creep closer to the corner and listen to them stepping around trying to come closer to me. Slowly, surely. I pull the pin on the grenade and toss it underhanded around the corner. I hear two of them say "Huh? What's that?" before it explodes in a shower of plastic death. I hear them all yell out various profanities and yelps of pain. I shout around the corner, "CALL THEM" so they can call their hits. I hear the word "Hit" 6 times. Good throw. As they dip out I pop around the corner and pick the grenade up before heading back to my base to catch up with my team. They made it in time to get the flag and hauled it back. Victory.
That match was one of the greatest of my Airsofting career. We played Black Hawk Down later that day, where there's 4 chalks of 4 people (The helicopter crews) and the rest of people are swarming Somalians. We ended up being the last chalk to survive and I was second to last alive because I pushed a guy back into cover to buy him some time. 150 kills would stop the somalians and the chalks would win. We were at 143.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/mev1N.png[/img]
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Tall-Hatted Yanimae
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- Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 2:32 am
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Tall-Hatted Yanimae
- Posts: 9701
- Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 2:32 am
- Location: Traveling the World
- Contact:
Same with my brothers. They probably don't have as much as you do but by god there was a time where they just pulled out a new gun every time I saw them it was weird and I was wondering where they were getting the cheddar to get them.
Myk wrote:i love yaya
The incomparable princess brothel wrote:don't oppress my
gay bulges
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Superior Bacon
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Chapter 11: In which Dimm tells a fairy tale
Now this story here is a special story for Loli because she's been feeling bad and this should cheer her up :3
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess in a land far away. People flocked from all across the world to partake in even a glance of the lovely princess. The Princess lead a very pampered life, but she was not pop flyin'. See, our Princess was a bit of a tomboy, and she loved wandering off into the woods, typically alone. This is the story of one of those expeditions.
So our Princess Loli has wandered off into the woods again in search of adventure! She climbs over fallen trees and crawls under branches and brush, merely taking in all the forest has to offer as she walks. Now as you can imagine, the royal family didn't take too kindly to these walks in the forest, as something bad could happen to the Princess. But she was more than capable of taking care of herself, and she evaded her Father's pursuit force with sly amusement. The forest was hers.
As she hides in a tree waiting for the soldiers walking under her to pass by, she spots smoke a short ways off in the distance. Never one to leave something unexplored, she drops down quietly after the soldiers are out of earshot and begins her trek towards the distant pillar. As she gets closer she smells food cooking over the wood fire. A delectable aroma fills her as she continues closer to the clearing where the smoke is coming from. Breaking through the treeline she finds a house, with a door wide open. Princess Loli wanders up to the door and peers her head inside. The house appears to be empty. She slips through the doorway and has a look around.
There appear to be three people that live here. She can tell by the bowls on the table and the beds near the wall. She wanders over and finds the source of the delicious aroma: Porridge was cooking on the stove, and has been put into three bowls on the table. She tries the first bowl and yelps; the porridge was too hot. The second bowl was ice cold. But as if by magic, the third bowl was just right. She downs the bowl of porridge and now is very tired. Looking at the wall she notices the three beds. One of the beds is huge, almost too big to lay in. One is too small to cramp into. But the third, again, is just right. She climbs into the bed, groggy, and snuggles under the covers and fades into sleep.
Then, the occupants of the house come back. It turns out it was a family of bears! They find the bowls of porridge on the table and look towards the wall where Loli is sleeping soundly. They walk over towards her to give her a stern talking-to about coming into people's homes and eating their food. Loli stirs as they come near, sitting up and yawning. She opens her eyes and sees three bears standing menacingly near her. She gasps, as it looks like this may be the end of her adventures. The bears close in, slowly.
And then Princess Loli whips out an AK-47 from underneath her dress and starts to shoot the unholy fuck out of the bears. Blood and fur flies as the rounds erupt from the muzzle like angry hornets. Switching mags, Loli stands up and continues to unleash the bullet hose on the three unwitting bears. They try to turn to run but all get mowed down by the 7.62 NATO rounds. The furniture becomes too hot to hold as the weapon begins to overheat, but never jams, unleashing a neverending stream of hot lead. The house is covered in blood, sulfur burns in the air and Loli stands above the bloody, pulpy masses that are all that remains of what was previously three bears. Panting for breath, she slings the AK over her back, walks out of the house and flicks a freshly lit cigarette at it, erupting the evidence and whole house in flames. She walks away, putting on sunglasses and not looking at the ensuing explosion, all the while flipping the burning house the bird. She walks back to the castle in slow-motion.
And everyone lived happily ever after. Except the bears, they got fucked up.
Now this story here is a special story for Loli because she's been feeling bad and this should cheer her up :3
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess in a land far away. People flocked from all across the world to partake in even a glance of the lovely princess. The Princess lead a very pampered life, but she was not pop flyin'. See, our Princess was a bit of a tomboy, and she loved wandering off into the woods, typically alone. This is the story of one of those expeditions.
So our Princess Loli has wandered off into the woods again in search of adventure! She climbs over fallen trees and crawls under branches and brush, merely taking in all the forest has to offer as she walks. Now as you can imagine, the royal family didn't take too kindly to these walks in the forest, as something bad could happen to the Princess. But she was more than capable of taking care of herself, and she evaded her Father's pursuit force with sly amusement. The forest was hers.
As she hides in a tree waiting for the soldiers walking under her to pass by, she spots smoke a short ways off in the distance. Never one to leave something unexplored, she drops down quietly after the soldiers are out of earshot and begins her trek towards the distant pillar. As she gets closer she smells food cooking over the wood fire. A delectable aroma fills her as she continues closer to the clearing where the smoke is coming from. Breaking through the treeline she finds a house, with a door wide open. Princess Loli wanders up to the door and peers her head inside. The house appears to be empty. She slips through the doorway and has a look around.
There appear to be three people that live here. She can tell by the bowls on the table and the beds near the wall. She wanders over and finds the source of the delicious aroma: Porridge was cooking on the stove, and has been put into three bowls on the table. She tries the first bowl and yelps; the porridge was too hot. The second bowl was ice cold. But as if by magic, the third bowl was just right. She downs the bowl of porridge and now is very tired. Looking at the wall she notices the three beds. One of the beds is huge, almost too big to lay in. One is too small to cramp into. But the third, again, is just right. She climbs into the bed, groggy, and snuggles under the covers and fades into sleep.
Then, the occupants of the house come back. It turns out it was a family of bears! They find the bowls of porridge on the table and look towards the wall where Loli is sleeping soundly. They walk over towards her to give her a stern talking-to about coming into people's homes and eating their food. Loli stirs as they come near, sitting up and yawning. She opens her eyes and sees three bears standing menacingly near her. She gasps, as it looks like this may be the end of her adventures. The bears close in, slowly.
And then Princess Loli whips out an AK-47 from underneath her dress and starts to shoot the unholy fuck out of the bears. Blood and fur flies as the rounds erupt from the muzzle like angry hornets. Switching mags, Loli stands up and continues to unleash the bullet hose on the three unwitting bears. They try to turn to run but all get mowed down by the 7.62 NATO rounds. The furniture becomes too hot to hold as the weapon begins to overheat, but never jams, unleashing a neverending stream of hot lead. The house is covered in blood, sulfur burns in the air and Loli stands above the bloody, pulpy masses that are all that remains of what was previously three bears. Panting for breath, she slings the AK over her back, walks out of the house and flicks a freshly lit cigarette at it, erupting the evidence and whole house in flames. She walks away, putting on sunglasses and not looking at the ensuing explosion, all the while flipping the burning house the bird. She walks back to the castle in slow-motion.
And everyone lived happily ever after. Except the bears, they got fucked up.
Last edited by Dimm on Tue Feb 09, 2010 4:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/mev1N.png[/img]