Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:40 am
Is that a bad thing?Merlin wrote:First thing I saw.RikuKyuutu wrote:“Relax, princess,” I shout an impatient assurance. “We c--”
usually not funny
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https://www.awkwardzombie.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2397
Is that a bad thing?Merlin wrote:First thing I saw.RikuKyuutu wrote:“Relax, princess,” I shout an impatient assurance. “We c--”
;_;Spoony wrote:Chester took that one little step out into the void, and hoped that wherever he was going, Rodney was coming with him.
How about:Dick Juicer wrote:It was a barren room that at first glance seemed like an overlooked crime-scene. There were no photos. A pile of newspapers dating back one year dominated a corner, and in another was a broken black-and-white television. After poking through the newspapers with the tip of his rifle, Chester meekly snuck over some discarded books toward the centre of the room.
Yeah, I guess that works better. Not really planning on doing anything more with the piece though, so you'll excuse me if it sits ignored at the bottom of my porn folder (where all musings should go.)Scrotum Licker wrote:How about:
The room was barren. At first glance, it appeared as an undiscovered crime scene. There were no photos on the walls. Old newspapers, dating back a a year, dominated a corner. A broken, black and white television sat in another. After poking through the newspapers with the tip of his rifle, Chester crept across the room, stepping on discarded books and stopping in the center..
Plus, the word is sneaked. It sounds stupid but snuck isn't a word.
Just, uh, I guess stay away from the passive.
I am too nitpicky for proofreading, that's why I don't write.
Bacon wrote:if you had three dicks would you pass out if you got an erection
KILL MY SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF WHY DON'T YOU.Dream Crusher wrote:if you had three dicks would you pass out if you got an erection
DohohohohohohohohohoMerlin wrote:MORE LIKE FRICTION.