AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I wanted to enjoy college but it was honestly awful and I wish I had gone about it another way.

Obnosim wrote:

Mete wrote:I quite like the student life. And I mean, I get paid to do this so might as well make use of all that's offered.

I like being a student too, but I literally wanted to die during every second I spent in university and several months afterwards when I attended it in 2012-2013, and cheddar was the least of my worries. I could go on and on but basically everything about it rubs me the wrong way and I never want to relive the experience.

The freedom and free cheddar and everything was cool but I can do without the anxiety of "If I fuck this up I can never study this major again and all this time will have been for the garbage bin."

College is too expensive for me. I'm going to start going to a community college in the Fall, but I'll probably not continue on to a different school after getting an Associate's there. No way am I going to put myself in that kind of debt. Living in the States kinda sucks sometimes.

Goodbye, precious Leonardo DiCaprio meme. You had a good run but the oscar is finally there.

I think I'm gonna grow my hair out. I grew it out to the bottom of my shoulder blades once, but I didn't take care of my hair and it looked really unkempt all the time. I'm gonna actually try and take care of it this time and hopefully learn to be pop flyin' with how I look.

I don't take care of my hair.
It takes care of itself.

Usually.

Nothing is OK and nothing is ever going to be OK

I'm sorry for existing

It's really difficult for me to come up with a silver lining about the whole taboo topics thing because it was awful in absolutely every way and I got nothing good out of it but I guess I at least learned what my weaknesses are.

- I'm terrible at handling rejection to the point where the thought of random people on the internet having a negative opinion of me bothers me to no end.
- it is never worth it to defend discrimination of any form, if you've got a less than positive opinion of any group of people, just keep it to yourself, there is nothing to be gained from announcing it to the world. I had been smart enough to do this for years and then let it slip.
- NOTHING is more important than your own mental health, shockingly enough. You've got enough worries in life so don't handicap yourself like that. Life's a lot more enjoyable when you don't create regrets or bad memories for yourself.

Mete wrote:- I'm terrible at handling rejection to the point where the thought of random people on the internet having a negative opinion of me bothers me to no end.

Story of my life.

I've only really managed to break out of my bubble in the past two years.

I guess it's largely because I don't really have many close friends per se, mostly just acquaintances from school, online communities and so on so I'm used to being on everyone's good side. So any falling out is bound to have a big impact.

My head is cloudy and I feel like I'm going insane.

I would make a joke about buying weed from someone else, but... I feel kind of sick, and I'm sleepy, but too high-strung to actually sleep, if that makes any sense.

Also, apparently the people I work with think that I "need to relax" because I'm punctual.

...what? I just try to make sure I get on the road for my morning route by 7:30, as I was instructed to do, and at least attempt to get to my first location for my afternoon run before noon, so I don't have to wait an hour for them to get back from lunch...

But it's an easy job, for the most part. Problem is, I'm sitting on my booty for most of it, so I'm gonna have to start doing the exercises from my old army PT book. Except for the running, because that apparently DESTROYS the cartilage in your joints or something like that.

I don't know, I just want to be able to fit in my clothes. I gained ten pounds since October.

So faaaaaaat... Fatty fat... Wow, the word fat just looks... Odd.

Rrrrrramble on!

Seems like the bots got some solid morning wood they want to share with us.

Aaaahhhh! The inside of my right nostril hurts... I think I have an ingrown nose hair, but I can't readily identify which one it is, so I may just end up yanking all of them...