AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I'm pretty surprised you're not really mad about that, but I do think that was a pretty shitty thing to do no matter how good the intention.

well i am kind of mad because i don't think it was that person's business to do that and it's really gotten me into shit but at the same time i don't think they meant for anything terrible to happen

i don't know what they thought was going to happen though

but yeah anyway like i said before i don't want to know who did it because it would just make things weird and awkward and i think whoever did this meant well so i'm not going to be mad about it and i'm sure they already feel really bad anyway

i just kind of wish it wasn't that post because it was pretty immature in general and now my ex-boyfriend is just under the impression i talk about him like this all the time and nothing i say is convincing him otherwise but like i said whatever happens happens i guess

I don't feel like I have much fulfillment.

There feels like tehre are a thousand screaming screamy things screaming in my head.

everything is starting to sink in and i'm actually starting to feel kind of upset now

like i have to deal with enough stuff and now my best friend and the only person who i can only really talk to about things probably hates me and never wants to speak to me again

i know bad stuff happened but we actually did have a really good friendship and connection and he was the only one who really knew the full extent of my anxiety and depression and he was the only one who could calm me down and talk me out of stuff so i'm really going to miss everything and i honestly don't know how i'm going to cope without him being there if he does decides he can't forgive me

i don't want to lose my best friend over a stupid forum post

He is not your best friend. He was NEVER your friend at all. You're a textbook abuse victim Nach and you refuse to not only see it but do anything to fucking CHANGE it.

That would require her to step out of her comfort zone, and Im honestly starting to think she's too broken to do so without outside interference

ugh i don't know how i'm feeling now

i think i'm kind of confused that he's mad that i've been complaining about him on the forum even though i've never used his name or anything and he's acting like this is the worst thing that's ever happened even though he cheated on me and i'm actually looking into fucking therapy because this is how bad this has affected me

ugh i don't know

You should really just remove him from your life and find something else to project you love onto.

yeah i've been thinking about it

to be honest i've been thinking for a long time we probably shouldn't be friends any more because of everything but it's kind of hard

I hope you do Nach. You deserve better freinds, trust me.

yeah i'm thinking so too

maybe it was good thing that somebody talked to him after all

giving me a nudge in a good direction

yeah uh i think dumping him out of your life is a thing a long time coming

but as long as you actually do it

besides it's not like he's the only one who you can talk to ever

i know but it doesn't feel like it all the time

that's because of the emotional abuse

that's how abuse can even happen, the abused becomes dependent on the abuser because the abuser has broken their self confidence so much

you have to get rid of him to start building it back up