AWKWARD ZOMBIE

My old official Shoe For Crews work shoes apparently got destroyed by the dogs ages ago and no one had the decent to tell me. I had $40 allocated for buying work stuff, socks, pants, etc. The cheapest pair of non-slip shoes I could find were $30. Awesome.

And they're crappier than my old shoes.

Years ago, me and my brother were eating carrots.
After we had finished eating the carrots, I looked at the bag they came in.
Those carrots had expired a week earlier.
For dinner that night, me and my brother had spaghetti.
When I went to bed, I woke up an hour later vomiting spaghetti everywhere.
My brother saw me, and went, "Oh shit..."
An hour later he starting throwing up as well.
We both swore to never eat carrots again, as they were untrustworthy.

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY

My mom and dad made us a salad for dinner, and they used carrots in it.
As I took one of these carrots into my mouth and started chewing, I paused.
I looked at the bag.
These carrots had been expired for over a month.
I spit out the carrots into the trash and ran over to my brother.
"Did you eat the carrots, brother?"
"Yes, why?"
"They've expired."
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
And now my family members are all poisoned.

May you burn in the ninth circle of Hell, carrots.
Wait, if the ninth circle of Hell is icy, then...

My dad said to tell potential employers my age upfront because I look really young. Okay, I’m sick and tired of looking like a fifteen-year old now. And knowing that it’s probably what’s been making people deny me employment really pisses me off!

Aren't you a little young to have a job? Finish high school first and then come back.

Wear balloons under an oversized bra.

No, use the cherry bombs.

Stuff cherry bombs in your obi.

Save the samurais.

Wear elevator boots so you look taller!

Grow facial hair, its a surefire way to look older

Uh, unless youre female. Then it raises another image entirerly

Gryewolf wrote:Aren't you a little young to have a job? Finish high school first and then come back.

TheStranger wrote:Grow facial hair, its a surefire way to look older

Uh, unless youre female. Then it raises another image entirerly

(i'm a girl)

TheStranger wrote:Grow facial hair, its a surefire way to look older

Uh, unless youre female. Then it raises another image entirerly

Are you implying my womanly mustache is anything but mature?

Cori wrote:

TheStranger wrote:Grow facial hair, its a surefire way to look older

Uh, unless youre female. Then it raises another image entirerly

Are you implying my womanly mustache is anything but mature?

Hey, your hormonal imbalance issues is a matter for your physician. Me and my glorious beard will just sit here and look manly

Game Angel wrote:My dad said to tell potential employers my age upfront because I look really young. Okay, I’m sick and tired of looking like a fifteen-year old now. And knowing that it’s probably what’s been making people deny me employment really pisses me off!

TheStranger wrote:Grow facial hair, its a surefire way to look older

Uh, unless youre female. Then it raises another image entirerly

Oh my god that's perfect

i wish my mom would stop thinking she has the right to barge into my room whenever she wants to

Why does my father bother asking me for my opinion when he disregards it every time? When he has problems with his computer, he asks me to look at it, then tells me he's going to ask someone who knows more than I. Same with the TV that's been slowly dying for months. When the display started to be all scrambled all the time, I determined it was the TV's fault, not the decoder's. Then I explained my reasoning to him. Then he asked me if it was the decoder's fault. And the week after that he asked my brother-in-law if it could be the decoder. Then some time after that he asked me if I was sure it wasn't the decoder.
My summer job starts monday, so today he asked me what I needed for lunches, then told me my choice was wrong and decided I would alternate between ham (which I dislike) and turkey (which I also dislike) sandwiches and submarines, and got offended when I told him he can buy whatever he wants.