AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I am so tired and have such a headache.
ugh

Shazza, I think I'm just gonna talk to the school counselor, but I don't know if I can talk with her much, since she's busy with other things. Plus, she told me that they couldn't help students as much as a outside of school counselor could, because if a kid were to commit suicide or something the school district wouldn't want it to affect them. Something along those lines.

I dunno, things are okay right now. Sometimes I just get really sad and lonely. I've been crying about nothing recently too, its kinda scary.

This issue with the UoP website is the worst kind of problem because I have zero methods of fixing it. It looks like it's afflicting the rest of the class too.

Car is overheatin' something fierce. Much more drastically than it used to. Yaaaaaaay.

I feel just absolutely sick. I threw up like, half my coffee on the way to work today this is just terrible.
Maybe it's because I haven't been praying enough.

What a lovely day, it's a daisies shame I'll be spending it inside working on this stupid paper.

mom just ranted at me for disapproving the justin bieber debacle

So I just got chased out of my own room when I discovered a wasp sitting on my sleeve.

My window was shut and I have no idea how the wasp got in, which makes seeing it in my room even more terrifying.

I honestly do not feel safe in my bedroom knowing that a wasp is crawling around in there and to add insult to injury my dad got mad at me for being afraid.

Feels pretty rotten.

ugugg computer i spent 2 hours picking out is out of stock now that i have the cheddar for it


snaps and dang

Video card decided to flip the fuck out for no real reason. Good thing it's still under warranty.

Everything hurts and I still have stuff to do.

I'm trying to decide whether I should stay up and do it or wake up early and do it. It's looking like the latter.

Ugh, I just shit out an essay, and I'm not looking forward to the results.

I probably made a decent grade on it, but I'm not pop flyin' with the results since I thought I did all of the calculations to reach a certain conclusion, and yet when I looked back over them, the conclusion was different, so whoops, conflicting results.

The biggest thing though that makes me insecure about this stuff is that I don't like criticism from teachers. It isn't that I get indignant about it, I just crumple up and die, especially if it's a basic mistake that I should have been able to do. Reading the comments on the first paper I turned in was bad, and I can't stand to look at the comments on any more, even to get the grade. Even though I took his words to heart and worked on things like my wording, I just feel too bad and it doesn't motivate me to work harder because I mope over it.

I'm a perfectionist, and anything less than perfect makes me feel like I shouldn't even bother at all, which I know is so goddamn stupid, but I can't get it out of my head.

In any case, I'm feeling better about it being over, I just hope I never really have to look at the results of the paper. The next one will hopefully be a lot easier since it's all research and not any data analysis with billions of variables.

Yeah, I really think the process with essays and other big projects would be a lot more beneficial if students got feedback earlier on in the process, before the actual grading is done.

I mean yeah, its recommended to go see a professor while you're working on it, but the students that really need the help aren't going to do that. It is more the student's responsibility to do that sort of stuff in college but still, things get busy.

Well, it's not even that really, I just feel like I'm not living up to some unseen standard, like it's terrible to make a B on a paper because I used poor word choice because I should have known to use better word choice to begin with.

And sometimes the quality is impacted (like today) because of time crunches or being sick, but I just beat myself up over not doing what I feel is "enough" for the assignment.

However, it generally doesn't matter how much time I put into it. One of the things I'm proudest of writing was a 16 page essay on the debate of video game censorship laws, and I was terrified the entire time that it was going to be crap and that the prof was going to have problems with it. Even after I submitted it, I could see the grammar mistakes that I and one of my friends missed, and my prof absolutely loved it and gave me a 100 with no comments for what he thought I did wrong.

I busted my booty on the paper, and I still was horribly self-critical about myself and it really ended up being unwarranted, and even though I got compliments from the professor, I felt like the product still wasn't polished enough.

I just wish I could ignore these thoughts better. I get so wrapped up in them and anxious that sometimes I have to put off working on it just so I don't end up getting sick over the stress of not being able to make a good enough product.

This paper wasn't as bad as other ones, but I really just hate feeling like I'm submitting something subpar.

I am sobbing. i have to miss my first day of college because yesterday's illness just exploded into a full on nasty stomach virus that's making me throw up everything thhat ever was. i was excited and looking foreward to going to school. i wasn't scare or nervous or worried about anything, i was in a complete can do mind set and then this shit has to happen. why can't I just go to school and be pop flyin' like a normal person, why why why