AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Shining Charizard wrote:

Gryewolf wrote:Well I have 33 bucks to spend this week.
That's not counting the millions of zenny i throw into the bus every daisies day.
Ugh.

Grye I don't know if this is true where you live, but around here you can get a monthly bus pass for a reasonable price. As long as you use it about 15 out of 30 days of the month, it pays for itself and then you basically ride free after that.

Not that that helps you out in the short term, but worth a mention.

The cheapes one is 50 bucks and it's more cheddar than I spend on the bus.
Once I start attending college I'll buy one since I'll be using it a lot more.

Gryewolf wrote:The cheapest one is 50 bucks and it's more cheddar than I spend on the bus.
Once I start attending college I'll buy one since I'll be using it a lot more.

Wow okay that is kind of steep. (Around here it's more like $30 for the cheapest one.) Hopefully there's some sort of student discount for when you get one later.

Also angry thing: freaking everyone needing to use the computer as soon as I get on. Computer sits empty all day, then right when I get on, suddenly everyone else in the house needs it for super important stuff.

Craaaaaaaap.
I really messed up talking to my friend.
But that makes me even madder because my screwup was not pretending to be super pop flyin' like I have been. Normally we're extremely honest with each other, and I was just saying how crap everything has been recently. She is still recovering from her dad's death and every month around the day he died she gets extremely closed off and whatnot and usually I just drop everything and try to take her mind off of it. Today, after the horrors that were last week, I was just not even able to feign happiness. She got mad and then stopped talking because of it.
I am mad because I am so upset at this and because I know the reasoning behind her feelings of it and I am still upset and for some reason I want an apology even though I have no real right for one and I feel like I should apologize but I also know that I have no need to and it is just too much after such a horrible week.
I still have to get rent from the subleasers so we actually have cheddar and don't have to sell any more jewelry or video games/systems and then tell them they have to move out by Friday and then I got to start saving cheddar to pay April's rent/bills and pay the electric bill I let go late because the charge was the least, then I need to continue convincing my roommate to ignore my birthday because we don't have enough cheddar for both mine and her girlfriend's (which is on the same day) and that she should focus on her. Her girlfriend's ex keeps texting her and it is distressing her which is upsetting my roommate and then I have to try to help them deal with it.


I just wanted to talk to someone about how I feel. I thought I could trust her enough to talk about anything, any time. Apparently I was wrong. Which means I may have to go over our entire friendship. I don't want to lose her as a friend though, but I have already broken down thrice and I don't want to do it all over again. Everything was starting to go back up.

I am so tired.

Oh my frikkin' flipadkbsmackledorf!

My younger brother needs to stop being so... ugh, there isn't a word for it...
But it ended with him trying to tell me to move back into my room and sleep there by crying and whining boo hoo to mom and dad. That is how it ended.

It's cute, really, but he only did that because he doesn't like me making sure he's being safe on the internet, or even helping him when he asked me to.

He's always mocking me at home, and when I kindly tell him to stop "Shut up, it's not that nice." he just mumbles to himself how I'm a booty or something. I usually hear, so when I tell him to stop doing that too, "...it's rude," he starts whining and whimpering and getting moist-eyed about how mean to him I am, and how I get everything (I don't) and he doesn't. And then mom and dad start asking him to stop acting like that, he whines more. More insults to me. More "SHUT YOU MOUTH your no worse than your classmates" to him. I'm not trying to start anything, you are, and it's customary to be respectful to your elders-is not? I think I know why 'e's like this:

All of a sudden he's the most liked kid in his class--he has a group of kids who want to work for him in the future, or right now. So now he feels like those cocky TV High School jocks and has legitimate claim to act like I'm the small TV nerd dressed like Steve Ercal. He really irks me, he does.

Ugh mom dragged me out of bed an hour early this morning, took me to get coffee, and then I left for work.
She wanted to have a nice morning with me which was nice but I just seven extra dollars I don't have on this which really really sucked.
And also I'm at work like, three and a half hours early.

No, it's OK wallet, you can just jump out into the dark a good 2 hours outside of town with all of my cheddar and identification. I'm sure I'll be perfectly fucking fine without all of that essential information...

URRRRGHHH
If you don't see the problems congrats, you're not OCD

Somebody can't count.

At least it's an easy fix.

Kamak wrote:At least it's an easy fix.

http://i.imgur.com/cCS07ha.jpg

All they have to do is swap a column of slabs with a column of whatever else is making up the wall.

Problem solved.

I want to move back to the city but there's nothing there for me. I wouldn't even have a place to stay at even though my dad would offer, he just doesn't have enough room left and I'm too distant from the rest of the family to get any other place so meh.

I miss walking through the city in the evenings and seeing all those lights. Plus, I don't want to leave the dogs so that's another thing keeping me here. This place isn't bad but it's very limited.

Today was a pretty tiddy day but god dropped a big one today turned into a shitty day.

Had a shitty day. My father asked how my day was. Told him it was shitty. Suddenly I am an ungrateful failure of a human being because spending 12 hours with nothing but the clock to look at while being surrounded by incompetents and treated like shit is all one needs to be perfectly and absolutely pop flyin' and radiant and puking rainbows and if I'm not then I'm not a real person.

Also he treats me like I'm 5 or mentally challenged (everybody in my family does).

Am I wrong to believe there is more to life than hating myself, hating everybody I live with, hating everybody I meet, hating everything I see and do, or is it, like my fathers wants me to believe, all there is? Is it too much to expect to at least be able to appreciate some parts of my life?

I feel so alone right now and I feel like it is completely my fault.
Of course I managed to make the only person I truly feel comfortable enough to vent to angry enough at me not to talk.

I just want to explode.