AND NOW FOR ANOTHER CUTSCENE UPDATE
Wait, you still didn't answer my question.
I end up following her down some more stairs.
Why thank you! That's the first nice-
daisies it.
Just another secret passage.
We enter what appears to be a secret lab.
Dr. K has lost his pet something-or-other, whose name is Lamarr. That's right, with two r's.
Of course it's not me.
I'm actually a Spy from the Red team.
I still don't see why this pertains to me.
And from the looks of your monitor, it seems this whole program is running on Windows 95.
Dr. K talks about how Alyx did most of the work.
She acts like it's no big deal.
He replies with something that wouldn't be NEARLY as creepy if he was about twenty years younger.
And there's Barney, the guy who still owes me a beer.
The gang's all here.
After a little bit of conversation, Barney and the crew decide that I am a threat to their entire operation and should promptly gtfo.
What.
I do not want to be involved with untested technology.
FFFFFFUUUU-
I TOO DEMAND TO KNOW ABOUT THIS CAT
The honor of what?
Undressing me?
I am perfectly capable of undressing myself, thank you very much.
Wait, is this what I think it is?
AWWWW YEAH
FUCK. YES.
Hold on, what is that-
AGDJSHDJKLAU
HEADCRAB
THAT IS YOUR PET?
YOU SICK PERSON
WHO WOULD DO THIS
YOU APPARENTLY
YOU WOULD DO THIS
He tells Lamarr to hop onto his head.
THERE ARE SHENANIGANS
Long story short, the headcrab ends up in the vent.
NOW BACK TO MY
FUCKING AWESOME HEV SUIT.
Look at that suit.
It is thing of beauty.
It is worthy of the gods.
YEEESSSSSSS
I AM ALMOST WHOLE AGAIN
...I'm not sure how to take that.
SUDDENLY, THERE ARE SIRENS.
Dr. K says I need to get out of here.
...What
....
What does that even mean.
I am shown this terminal, which I can use to charge my suit's batteries.
My suit apparently functions as some sort of armor.
COOL.
ANOTHER HIDDEN DOOR?
daisies, you guys are SNEAKY.
Inside is the teleporter, which is going to take us to Alyx's dad's secret base.
She is first in line.
Not that I'm complaining.
This way I won't be disemboweled by a rip in the fabric time/space if anything goes wrong.
I'd rather not.
But, if you insist...
The machine is about to do it's teleportin' magic, when suddenly, something happens that completely compromises the experiment!
OH SHIT
WE'RE FUCKED
WHATAREWEGOINGTODOADKJSLITRHUVIBVCCSAKALL-
-oh.
Never mind then, ignore that previous panic attack.
Good thing I'm an MIT graduate or else I NEVER would have been able to figure that out.
Poof! She's gone!
Pure motherfucking magic.
Why thank you. I do pride myself in my ability to plug things in and throw switches.
...
ARE YOU A MIND-READER.
SUDDENLY, MORE SIRENS
It's my turn in the machine, and I'll be MORE than pop flyin' to be away from here and all those Combine officers.
Fire her up!
Goodbye, my friends! I'll see you in-
LAMARR
DON'T DO THAT
IT'LL CAUSE A MALLLLFFFUUUNNNCCCTTTIIIOOOOONNNN---
***
AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR, OLD SPICE.
Hello, AZ. Look at that desert.
Now back at the lab.
Now at the other lab.
Za warudo.
Do you smell like an Old Spice forum?
Probably not.
But you want to.
Now at Dr. Breen.
He uses Old Spice.
Now at the first lab.
Now to the other lab.
Would you rather smell like some rebels who haven't showered...
Or like an Old Spice man who has everything you could ever want, including two tickets to that thing you love?
SWAN DIVE...
...into the most terrifying waters known to man.
Look back at the first lab again.
Would you rather smell like them...
or an Old Spice man?
