So Mr. Panties gave me his permission to review some of the Sonichu Specials in his absence. YAY
But that means I'll have to do the Giant Penis Comic. NOOOO
But don't worry boys and girls! We have a comic between us and that...thing. So let's get started on-
SONICHU SPECIAL 1
CHRIS CLASHES CASH
We start out on this comic with a drawing of a ghost with broken hands staring at a silhouette of an...uh...
Man? I guess? I can't really say anything about it. Sorry
Then we cut to a shot of CWCville, specifically a house. With two shitmarks on the blue roof, every other window boarded up with the wood from the nearby purple trees, the grass turned Fanta-Orange, and the driveway torn up to reveal the mayor's signature, this house has obviously seen better days. On a better note, the two sides of the manor are being held together by United States Currency. Of course, such a house can only be owned by...
Cly Cash!
copyright 2006 Christian Weston Chandler do not steal!!1! Cly and one of Chris's gal-pals, Ivy, have been captured by an evil man. Luckily, Cly has begun to escape from the towel he was wrapped up in, and is laughing at his triumph as he edges towards Ivy, planning to release her to. Hopefully Chris will come to save them bo-
WAIT WTF ROCKET MCDONALD'S LOGO? CLY WAS INNOCENT! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
Well, at least Chris came and is currently releasing Ivy. Hopefully he'll scold Rocket McDonald's Logo for harming an innocent man.
Oh noes! It turns out he was in cahoots with Slaweel Ryam
copyright 2006 Christian Weston Chandler do not steal!!1!, who always tries to ruin Chris's chance of getting some hanky-panky.
Cly is supplied with a pickle gun
*snort* and a jetpack. Cly laments that Ryam does not pay him enough, even though he could probably start a pickle business, what with a gun that can produce several thousand of them in a minute.
Rocket McDonald's Logo is kicked off the team and replaced by Sonichu, the Mary Sue Pokemon. Get your fill folks, after this page he is replaced by CWC-Sonichu, the God Mode Mary Sue Pokemon.
Chris transforms into his Mary Sue and runs out of the building, hitting Ivy's head against the concrete foundation of the manor. Chris's powers aren't as helpful in high-speed chases, as he needs to use buttons to move left, right, and to strafe. Cly uses his pickle gun to shoot phallic vegetables at the speeding hedgehog, several of which hit Ivy on her cranium.
While breaking every CWCville speed limit, Chris notices that the bridge ahead is out. Chris, being an idiot and ot stopping, jumps the gap and puts both his and Ivy's life in danger. Even more stupidly, he
turns around in mid-air and aims an attack that takes an entire page to charge up.
Really Chris
Chris uses his Thun... beam to destroy Cly. Sadly, several wayward bolts hit Ivy and almost paralyze her. Cly, with his jetpack destroyed, falls to the river below.
As Cly falls, he again says that he is pretty much broke. Thankfully, he doesn't have to worry, as the river that Clty fell in feeds directly to the CWCcola plant. Now, millions of CWCians are drinking their CWC Orange and Cream flavor sodas, not realizing that, along with some of Chris, there is also some of Cly in there to.
Yes Chris, you're really going to need GodJesus's help, after Cly's family calls. You're gonna have a lawsuit on your hands, fatty.
Chris than realizes that gravity
does, in fact, exist and plummets to the Earth below. His massive girth leaves a crater where he falls.
After they both wake up, Chris and Ivy sit on a rock and exchange small talk, Ivy, because of her massive brain damage, can only say "My Hero," "I Love You," and "Yeah, thanks again for saving me, Chris," over and over again.
They then exchange a passionate ki-OH GOD CHRIS
YOU'RE...YOU'RE
EATING HER!
MY GOD! HIS MOUTH UNHINGED!
OH LORD! THE HORROR! SAVE ME GODJESUS!
Urgh...I think I'm going to be sick.
After tasting human flesh, Chris transforms into a Charger from L4D2, pulls out a shirt from nowhere, and bastardizes the American flag as Ivy tries to grab Chris and throw him into the river so he can share Cly's fate.
Chris than grabs Ivy. He prepares to turn her into his next victim.
Before he eats her, he has an idea, an incredible feat for someone like him. He will hold Ivy ransom and make her his wife, against her will. She cries and knows that he can't be reasoned with. Ivy must become the wife to the monster that almost ate her face off mere moments off.
SO ENDS SONICHU SPECIAL 1
yes i know this was unfunny and will probably kill the thread I am so sorry