On July 15, 2009, Chris went out to a Fridays with his friends again. The videos were uploaded the next day, along with some pictures of Chris drinking with a beached whale. The second picture is my favorite.
The woman was promptly dubed Hambeast. She was a friend of Kim (one of Chris's friends) who knew Chris as "sign guy". She has a reputation for being something of a whore, and was apparently willing to solve Chris's virginity problem purely for the sake of notoriety. Why exactly she reconsidered is unknown, but I know that Chris at least insulted her weight at some point.
Chris also uploaded this video to his IBAChandler account, presumably in an attempt to reverse troll his trolls. He was, of course, doing this at the behest of his trolls.
Now, after Samantha allowed him to "hack her account", he tried to impersonate her with the intent of finding out what Jack Thaddeus changed his PSN passwords to. Keep in mind that Chris had been speaking with Samantha for two days and that he was supposed to be speaking to her father. Presumably he still thought that Samantha was actually a guy, because this was his first message:
Samantha wrote:Subject: Hey, man
LOL, I'm da man! Got my stuff back, clean as a thistle.
Listen, Bro, I can dig Chrissy hasslin' u for his accounts back. I have da plan on how to REALLY mess with him. Give me back a couples of his account; that way he can't get them ALL from you. And besides that, he ain't hasslin' me as much now that he has YOU, da Bigger Man of This Era with dat Heavy Power. Besides, I am fondin' over his Creatures Classic I noticed he had; I'm a sucker for those space monkies. And I'll nix his French with my alt. address. LULZ LULZ LULZ
I might have forgotten to mention that Clyde Cash "committed suicide" at some point between May 2009 and July 2009.
After Jack Thaddeus reminded Chris that he was supposed to be impersonating his daughter(this happened twice, Chris isn't good at pretending to be other people), he "revealed his nefarious scheme". He was going to use the line "I'm not autistic, I work 40 hours a week to support my family" to get Chris's SSI check cut off. He claimed that the plan was foolproof, as the only way it could possibly go wrong was if Chris made a video confirming that he was indeed an unemployed autistic loser.
Chris promptly made a video in which he smugly admits that he is a failure at life. This is one of my favorite videos.
Chris also learned that Jack went to Otakon and helped a Chris impersonator sell fake Sonichu merchandise. Jack took care to mention that he made a ton of cheddar off of it. This caused Chris to finally notice Liquid, who had been making videos showcasing his Chris impersonation for the last month. Here's Liquid's video and Chris's retaliation.
Chris screwed up the audio in his response, so you'll need to turn up your volume
On the 23rd, Chris sat in on a "secret troll planning session" in IRC. The transcript is preserved here. Here are a few excerpts:
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
Sonichu has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Sonichu has left #trolltrain4andhalf
<NumberTwo> GREETINGS, CHRISTIAN...
<vivitheg> What was that?
SonichuClone has joined #trolltrain4andhalf
Looking up SonichuClone user info...
<vivitheg> Who are you?
<SonichuClone> Hey, My name is Bill.
<Ruby> Bill WHO
<SonichuClone> Bill Riley
<vivitheg> Bill o reilly?
<SonichuClone> No, Bill Riley
The trolls in attendance asked for a picture and the dimensions of his genitalia. Chris gave out his (5 inches, 2 inch diameter balls) and posted this picture.
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
<vivitheg> snap! you're a bit old
<vivitheg> but I BET YOU GOT EXPERIENCE
<SonichuClone> I only LOOK Old; I'm actually 30
After a lot of irrelevant Xbox 360 bashing, during which Chris said nothing:
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
vivitheg slaps SonichuClone with a HUGE-booty TROUT.
<vivitheg> yo cowboy
<vivitheg> pay attention bro
<FireBurnt> you there?
<SonichuClone> Yo, I'm just waitin' for the BIG Plan; what's next for the r-tard
Jack eventually revealed his plan: if Chris didn't made a video where he humped his PS3 for ten minutes, he'd get Chris permabanned from the PSN.
Chris was then asked to give his three main reasons for hating Chris:
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
<SonichuClone> Killed Clyde; Called me a homo after I trolled him, I think he even sent me a virus to take down my computer; I just fuckin' hate the batard.
And then for some reason he made this bizarre suggestion:
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
<SonichuClone> You know what we should do, we should make him force himself on his counslor; forgot her name, and film it.
<SonichuClone> *have him film it.
<JackThadeus> Which Counselor?
<Ruby> lol why?
<SonichuClone> the counsoler he sees weekly
<JackThadeus> If u could do 1 thing to chris, SC, what would you do?
<SonichuClone> really off-the charts.
<SonichuClone> Force him to dis himself by forcing himself upon one of his surperiors.
<JackThadeus> why do you want him to go see a supperior?
<SonichuClone> IDK, so he can compare himself and see how REALLY SMALL he is.
Then Chris learned about Ivy "killing herself".
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
<JackThadeus> Did you hear? Ivy committed suicide over her Dad not letting her move to Virginia to be with Chris.
<SonichuClone> how much did that bitch have?
<vivitheg> she tried to call chris once more it was funny
<Ruby> Yeah she was so desperate
<JackThadeus> Her dad found out about she called him
<JackThadeus> are you talking about cheddar?
<JackThadeus> she had no cheddar'.
<Ruby> She hung herself because her dad forbid her to see him. Lol she died in vain over a small cock.
<JackThadeus> *crooked cock
<Ruby> ik I can't believe Chris thought she was a troll! The one girl who actually loved him. Pathetic. And now she's dead cos of would be next for you on him?
They went into further detail on the PS3 humping blackmail. If Chris didn't make the video soon, his accounts would be permabanned and his console would be bricked. Both of these feats were possible due to "a plant inside Sony".
Chris began to inquire about any other plans.
July 23rd IRC chat wrote:
<SonichuClone> I was talking about, though, AFTER you ban him forever and like weeks later, then what?
<JackThadeus> Well I do have some aces up my sleeve for THAT moment.
<SonichuClone> Do tell.
<JackThadeus> I have a brother
<JackThadeus> who works at that NBC station in Charlotsville
<SonichuClone> go on.
<SonichuClone> or are you just going to expose him for the bad shit on the internet?
<JackThadeus> I have saved facts tha ED has. A hungry news reporter is BEGGING to report on chris
<JackThadeus> on how much of a internet slob he is.
<JackThadeus> We will give him NEGATIVE media attention
<JackThadeus> (like he had any "POSITIVE" attention from the start >>)
<SonichuClone> I hear that.
<JackThadeus> just like what I did with the radio stations
<SonichuClone> what happened?
<JackThadeus> Hold on a sec I got the radio links
<JackThadeus> there were like 6 or 7 of them
<JackThadeus> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyCRuXjSKs8 this for starters
There were in fact radio stations that did segments on Chris around that time.
Chris left the chat shortly afterwards, and uploaded another one of my favorite videos:
Madican wrote:I half wonder how much of Chris's antics can be attributed to him alone, and how much is the result of assholes from the Internet finding a new toy.
Most of it is his fault.
Now, the day after Chris humped his PS3, Jack Thaddeus revealed that he knew that he was posing as Samantha the whole time. And that he was actually the real Samantha.
Chris demanded that Jack/Samantha return the PSN accounts as per their deal. However, Chris insisted that Samantha should return his accounts before getting the video. Since Chris was likely trying to pull a fast one, Sam called bullshit and added a new condition: he had to sing "It's Okay to Be Gay", by Tomboy.
He agreed, and one of the best Chris videos ever happened.
He would later mention that he felt nauseated after singing this video, and almost threw up.
However, Sam was unsatisfied and demanded a video where Chris didn't sound like a muppet. Chris attempted to bargain with her: the retake in exchange for the names of the plants at Sony and NBC29. Sam refused and Chris did the retake anyway.
Of course, he failed to take into account the fact that people would actually watch the video. Sam was rustled and made two demands of Chris.
First, he was supposed to make a puppet show about Sonic and Tails going camping in Wyoming and having gay sex. It had to be 15-20 minutes long, and nine minutes of it had to involve gay sex. At one point Chris was required to ask if he could join in. Second, he was required to redo the song again, this time wearing women's clothing.
Chris gave up on the accounts and sent this confusing message.
I am of NO FURTHER CARE of those Foriegn Accounts. You may have the "upper hand", but I hold the future in my hand. The Power is HERE in my command. I have Real Life Friends and Trusted, Honest Individuals. I have played on with expectations, but if even you can not be humble to accept a Laugh at Yourself from Yourself, and if you will No Longer be Serious, I WILL NO LONGER PLAY.
And I am done with your firstname.lastname@example.org; I humbly return it to your control. The Password and Question's Answer is "oxystarscleanfanatic". You have LOST YOUR ONLINE FRIENDS "Jack", and Your Game Ends Now.
You failed to EVEN GIVE ME NAMES of your Trusted "Real Life" Associates upon Request. You are as weak as your Cocane and when you did the Jackson 5. Also, Rocky is an understanding Individual; she knows of my Trolling-Back Games, and she understands that comment I made in the IRC was an ACT, and my Pastor and Congregation will stand by me all the way during those times as well. I have ALL YOUR INFORMATION Saved In My Brain.
The ED pages are not worth Shit, and my Detective I have been working with In Real Life Here agrees with me. THAT SITE WILL GO DOWN IN A BLAZE OF VICTORY upon "Zordon's Revival".
Cut the "Gay" out of your "Stupid"; It Is Over.
Good day, Christian Weston Chandler.
This was the last meaningful contact Chris had with Jack Thaddeus, as the Liquid Saga was beginning and Chris was too busy being rustled at him to care about anything else.
Vents Avatar of General Greivous is the face Im having right now.
I think its both your faults, Chris's for being so brainnumbingly stupid, and the Internet for constantly putting him under a microscope. *sigh*
Humanity. Whatever happened to good old character building?
WHERE IS THIS MERLIN I KEEP HEARING OF
What harm could come from imprisoning a hellinternet beast every night and making it hate humanity and what it stands for?
Then we can release it back into the wild.
During Chris's attempt at impersonating Samantha, he met Katie Bay, one of Samantha's friends.
On July 26th, he sent Jack and Katie messages that boiled down to "WHO IS THE VERY FIRST TROLL? WHO STARTED ALL OF THIS?". He seemed to be under the impression that someone, somewhere, published a scathing rant that somehow commanded an army of internet trolls to ruin his life(which was already ruined) by "spreading lies about him".
Chris even compiled a list of the people he suspected of being this mysterious angry rant person. His list consisted of Michael Snyder, Megan, Lucas, and Mimms. Lucas and Mimms did in fact have something to do with the ED page in its early days, but they haven't been involved since. At this point, he stated to focus on the CWCipeida for the first time since the site was handed to him, uploaded every Sonichu comic up to the dating education episode.
On the 28th, Chris sent Katie a message:
Note: Katie was talking about enrolling her younger brother in college in her previous message
Cool! I hope he will have an enjoying time earning his degree. What does he plan on majoring in? If I may make a suggestion, Check with his Guidance Counselor there on which Jobs are more likely to be available. I almost completed a degree which would have landed me a cheap telemarketing gig; no good. Which was why my father suggested that I switch and move my earned credits toward a Computer Aided Drafting and Design Degree and Certificate; there are more jobs for computer experts now a days.
Obvious question you're probably thinking, "If you have the Degree and Certificate, why are you not employed?" Here it is; Between My Uncertain Decisions I have yet to make in WHAT ELSE (other than marry my Sweetheart and have a daughter named Crystal Weston Chandler) I want to do. I am one of the individuals who CAN NOT EVER FIGURE OUT "Where I see myself in 5 Years;" aside from Family Man, NOR have I ever had a Specific Dream of which Career to shoot for.
Any Job Dreams I had were plain Office Jobs; NOTHING SPECIFIC. Then I would have to leave the building, rescuing my daughter, before it collapsed.
It was Just Never That Clear to me what else I really wanted to do for the long time. But since I am an artist, and I have my World of Cwcville to Return to and Maintain, I shall stay with that route for the time.
Also, perhaps you can do me another favor. If you are an okay hacker, I would like IN to "CChanSonichuCWC"'s YouTube/Gmail Account, and if you can get into it for me, PLEASE change the Password to a MOST Complicated one, and Change the Security Question's Answer to a Complicated one too. AND make sure there are NO Alternate E-Mail Addresses Associated with it (if it is a G-Mail Account).
As for Ivy, I have contacted a Closer Friend of Ivy's I knew by phone number, and she'll contact her father and confirm the death after she recovers from the shock, then she'll let me know. This girl went with Ivy to the same High School together.
I'll TTYL. Stay safe.
Love and Peace,
The next day Chris uploaded three videos. One was him playing "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero
The other was a desperate attempt to prove that he was not the nefarious troll Ian Brandon Anderson.
Chris then sent Liquid this message:
"You are NOT GOING TO REPLY, Much less COME AND FACE ME!
If You Can Not even TAKE THE TIME TO ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE, then I'm just going to have to REPORT YOUR SORRY booty TO MY DETECTIVE; HE WILL BE ON YOUR SORRY ONE FASTER than a Sonic-Boom. Nice Doll.
Christian Weston Chandler
14 Branchland Ct.
Ruckersville, Virginia 22968
CALL MY HOUSE, LEAVE YOUR NUMBER, AND TALK TO ME LIKE A MAN!
If you remain a Cowardly Weakling, You will just have to RETURN To the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens. What "class" there was it you enrolled in again? Major In DUUUHHHHHH!!!?"
Later in the day, Liquid responded by playing "More Than A Feeling" on a real guitar.
Chris then sent this message to Katie:
Ah. Eso es en respondar de el Impostor en rayas de maron. El copie "More Than a Feeling" de Boston; Vamos a ver que si puede copiar mi Lengua Secundaria. Yo tomia dos anos en Manchester High, y you mire mucho television en Espanol Audio ("Las Chicas SuperPoderosas" por una).
Paz, (Mi Apodo en mis clases), Ricardo Weston Chandler
Sabes de El Pok'eSite De R.W.C.? Fue cerca de CWC's Pok'eSite 2, the Original CWC's Sonichu Site, Bionicle and HotWheels Sites, and the Pok'eSonichu Top 50. Ves que si puede Google informacion del website viejo. Un Monumento Grande fue El Pok'eSite De R.W.C.
He then uploaded this video:
TL;DR Chris was rustled at Liquid for one-upping him. So he challenged him to reply to him in Spanish, as Chris thinks that taking two years of high school spanish makes him unique somehow. He also wanted Liquid to show him his diplomas from PVCC and Manchester High school, plus his drivers salience.
Liquid responded in Spanish, French, German, and Japanese.
Chris flipped out because he thought Liquid was falsifying legal documents. He decided that there was only one thing to do.
First, he'd shave his goatee, presumably to help prove that he was in fact the real CWC.
And then he'd challenge Liquid to a singing contest.
Last edited by Ultra Bidoof on Wed Mar 28, 2012 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The SingStar Challenge was about two things. The first point was that the real CWC is the best singer in the history of ever, so obviously the winner of a singing contest would be the real CWC. It was also a plot to expose Liquid as a liar, as Chris uploaded his old cover songs to the CWCipedia shortly before issuing the challenge.
He asked Katie, Kim, and the guy who filmed Rollin' and Trollin' to be his judges. He specifically said that he needed a "panel of Trusting, "Neutral" Judges". It should be obvious that he was planning to cheat like crazy from the very beginning.
Chris then uploaded his first song.
And when people accused him of cheating, he posted this in response:
Liquid responded the next day with the most appropriate song ever.
Chris then sang some song from one of the Pokemon movies.
And Liquid sang the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme. It should be noted that he waited until he had less than an hour before his deadline to upload it.
Chris apparently didn't actually watch the video, but he saw the title. He freaked out and tried to disqualify Liquid, as he thought that he had changed the lyrics.
At this point, Katie "hacked into Liquid's Gmail account" and gave Chris control. She also claimed to have taken over Liquid's Youtube, preventing him from uploading any remaining songs.
Chris sent these two messages in response:
That's good. For the time being, I've messed up his rep by sending out "I am a Troll; IBAChandler/ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com is the Real Christian" messages, and I am easing his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, Kacey, into the True Facts. I've changed his password and security question for his gmail account; apparently, it was NOT linked to his YouTube. Still, I wrecked his rep that he stole from me. He will see his turn in ballpain.
Then he uploaded his next song, plus a bonus video.
Please remember that he used to sing along to Britney Spears music at the Game Place.
And then he tried to catch Liquid in a lie again:
Katie had to remind him that Liquid's YT was compromised, so there was no way he could respond anyway.
Well Done. BTW, I've learned that his real name is Jeff. Leave his YouTube Unchanged; do not DELETE any videos; do not alter his personal information he listed in there. All that needs to stay for my local Sheriff and Police to investigate and find him. He not only can be held for Identity Theft, but he has nailed himself on Counterfeiting Legal Documents; the diploma, degree and certificate.
Actually, can you e-mail me the password to his YouTube, please? There is something I need to do, and only Jeff's account can deliver, for Kacey. I want to ease her into the Truth that she had been dating and having sex with an impostor, and that she actually has a Real Chance with the Real Christian Weston Chandler.
Chris also tried to get Kate to upload this video to Liquid's account as a part of his scheme to get into Kacey's fat pants: