I am the Freeman - Half-Life 2 LP

[Echo MasterMind]

Manhacks and Headcrabs

...Kinky

[Dandypants]

Airboat Portal

GIVE THAT TO ME

I MUST PLAY IT

Well I first gotta figure out what I did with the files. And I also ought to warn you that the map has been optimized up to some extend, but not Valve-esque (in other words you either need a slightly more powerful PC or turn down your graphics a bit if you don't want to play at lower framerates). It's because of all the water.

Also it is only about 5-15 minutes, depending on how long the hardest puzzle takes you.

Also also, the only actual use of portals in the map is to quickly transport you from one location to another. You nowhere get to actually control the portals.

Also also also, the airboat won't fit through portals. It is simply too big.

[KingdomDarkness]

Manhacks and Headcrabs

...Kinky

Get ready for some head-humping.

[KingdomDarkness]

So, guess what.
I got all the images ready...
I started using Photobucket...
I started getting ready for the update...
I started posting the update...
And then my computer derped.

Yaaaay delayed update will be up tomorrow because I have to go to bed to be up early and I have no patience for my computer right now.

And it was a daisies awesome update, too.

[betrippin]

When I saw an HL2 Lp I was but then I was all

[KingdomDarkness]

AND NOW FOR THE UPDATE WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
MEET THE AIRBOAT.



I take the man's last remaining material possessions and head out.
He wishes me good luck, despite the fact that his involvement with me will probably get him killed.
OH WEEEEELLLL



I turn the corner and I am greeted by manhacks.
I must say, that has got to be the strongest chain-link I've ever seen.
It can take being assulted by motorized blades that can tear a man in half.
Props to the chain-link manufacturer in City 17.



I decide to take them out from behind the door, just to be safe.
I then proceed in my journey, staying alert for-



SHIT
THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET VERY EXPLOSIVE, VERY FAST



Run awaaaaaay



I survive the explosion and take out the manhacks.
Continuing onward, I am faced with another chain-link door.
I see why people use these so often; you could make a nuclear bunker out of nothing but this City 17 chain-link.



However, those wood planks are weak and manhacks break through it easily.
It is not bunker material.



More manhacks appear, and I am forced to the other side of the path.
GODDAMMIT I WANTED TO ENJOY THE FRESH AIR
I go through the other chain-link door, regretting the loss of fresh air.



I find myself in a room....
WITH A PIPE.




I jump down and head through a tunnel, when this guy drops from the ceiling on a rope.
It's like he thinks he's Spiderman.



Well, his Spider-sense sucks.



I pick up his awesome MACHINE GUN and take out his buddy in the back.
You can't be sneaky around Gordon Freeman.



I keep walking and stumble upon this big spinning thing in the water.
I decide my goal is the other side of those bars over there.
Because, you know, why the hell not.



I jump in and just like a gym sock in a washing machine, I'm swept away in the water.



This tunnel looks like my only way out of this soak cycle of death.
I swim towards it.



I also decide that air is a good thing, and I emerge in the tunnel above me.



I find myself in yet another pipe room.



And suddenly, there's the Combine. I really should be used to them appearing out of nowhere at this point.



I deicide that my all-new wepon will be suitable for the tasking of painting with blood.



Those bloodstains are beautiful.
Pure art.



It looks like the only way out is across this pipe, so here I go.



Avoiding the apparently dangerous steam, I notice a Puketongue directly in front of me.



I jump to a side ledge and take out this dire infestation of pure nasty.
I also notice another ledge across from me and I jump to it.



I find some supplies and this grinning fellow, who makes civilian corpse #12.



I continue down the pipe, and notice some more manhacks ahead.
They fly at me and I destroy them.
WITH NO MERCY.



I notice the lambada to the side, break through the wood, and drop down.



I find lucky number 13 and some more delicious supplies.



Over the side, I notice another water tunnel.
This is my only way out, so this way I shall go.



I soon find myself on the other side of the bars.
DESTINATION REACHED!
…
Now what?



My question is soon answered as more Combine appear and try once again to murder me with flaming barrels.



I run to this alcove and kill those dumb enough to chase me.
I am becoming a serial killer.
I like it.



I decide to run for that tunnel before more officers show up…
for their sake.



AUGH
THESE MANHACKS ARE GETTING REALLY ANNOYING.



I could really use a medkit or two right now.


Just what the doctor ordered.



I head to this room over to side, go through that vent on the left there, and drop down into another room.



OH MY
THAT IS A LOT OF EXPLOSIVE BARRELS
AND ALL THOSE RED DOTS ARE MANHACKS
THIS COULD END VERY BADLY



After the largest explosion clusterfuck I have seen, I manage to blow up the barrels and the manhacks.



I ascend the ladder in the middle of the room.



I jump across some pipes, and end up on this balcony up here.



In the next room, I find a lot of pipes.



My goal is to raise the water level so I can swim through that pipe from the other room.



After more pipe-jumping, I reach the wheel that raises the water.
The water begins to rise, and I head back to the first room.



The first room is now filled with water as well, so I jump in.



It's dark in this tunnel.
I can also hear manhacks in the room I was just in, so I won't be going back there.



It appears I have no way across this water, as I apparently cannot get out unless there is a ladder.
What am I, a Sim?



Needless to say, that wood down there gives me an idea.



Breaking the wood releases some crates and some big wooden spools, which float to the top.



HA
I HAVE CONQUERED YOU, WATER
AND SO I SHALL CONTINUE MY QUEST


WHAT'S THIS?
A LADDER?
THIS IS NO MATCH FOR THE KNIGHT GORDON FREEMAN



I ascend the Ladder of Rust and Iron, and I am faced with the Bridge of Plywood and Doom.
I cross it and jump down.



As soon as I land, I am faced with a clusterfuck of enemies.
It's a collection of every enemy I've faced so far.
However, they are no match for Sir Freeman and his trusty SMG.



Continuing, I am faced with more manhacks.
They are no match for my crowbar, EXCALIBUR.



I come across this water-filled room.
The music gets very ominous for some reason.



This is what appears to be a Combine pop flyin' Meal bag.
I can only imagine what horrid foods must come from a Combine restaurant.
It can't be any worse than what they serve at McDonalds, though.



I climb a ladder on the wall, and come face -to-face with the Bridge of Plywood and Doom's older brother.
He's not much of a challenge.



Aw, sweet freedom.



AND THEN, THE KNIGHT SIR GORDON FREEMAN AND HIS CROWBAR EXCALIBUR FOUND THEMSELVES IN THE LAND OF RADIOACTIVE SHIIT.



I cross those pipes and find some more supplies, along with contestant number 14.



Avoiding the puke-colored puddles that set my Geiger counter off, I see what looks like a base up ahead.







I am apparently expected somewhere.
This is news to me.



I get some ammo for my machine gun and keep moving.



I emerge from the tunnel, only to have a massive shell drop from the sky.



AND THEN A HEADCRAB POPPED OUT



And then I killed it.
Yaaaaaay



These two civilians apparently died just from the shockwave created by the shell when it hit the ground.
Not my problem, but it does make them number 15 and 16.



I continue onward, when this joker tries to surprise me by jumping off the ground.
It does not surprise me.



I hear muffled screaming, and see this man dancing the headcrab boogie.
Then he dies.






That, my friends, is head-humping.
Poor body #17.



I shoot the headcrab with about four bullets, and body 17 flies a hilarious distance into the air.



Okay AZ, Sex-Ed time!
When a headcrab loves a deceased body veeeerrrrrryyy much, they try to make a baby.
Unfortunately, this never works, and the body is brought back into the realm of the living as a shambling, bloody, groaning abomination. Their organs become exposed, blood runs down from every pore, and their screams are those of a man who has experienced the greatest pain life has to offer.
It is Gordon Freeman's job to save them from life itself.



BOOM HEADSHOT
REST IN PEACE MOTHERFUCKER



YOU TOO
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DYING



I continue walking when this guy bust through a fence like he's the Kool-Aid Man.
Oh no, headcrab zombie.
Oh no.
Also, #18 is loungin' in the corner right there.



Suddenly, this shell parks it's booty right in front of me.
If I was a cop, I'd give the headcrabs inside a ticket.
But I'm not a cop.
So I kill them instead.



Another zombie, another soul saved by Gordon Freeman.



I continue on down this narrow wooden path.
As if you couldn't already tell.



There appears to be a garage-type thing up ahead.
I BRAVELY WALK TO IT.






AWWW YEAH
LETS DO THIS



Now all I need is David Caruso, some background music, and an aerial camera shot.
But my airboat also needs a name.

What should it's name be?

[Squigzog]

Lil' Lucy

[BurntToShreds]

Rosa

[[Citation Needed]]

S.S. Anne

[Neko]

I can't believe it didn't blow up on the acid.
that's what it should be called.

[corsica]

caruso

[Fooflyer]

HMS I Already Won

[betrippin]

The freemaninator

[james4115]

HMS I Already Won

S. S. Screw You Combines

[[Citation Needed]]

S.S. Wepon