AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Oh god
Oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
























YES

Heh, I'll let this slide.

ALSO:
Just to finish out that last Homestuck reference:



GORDON GOT THE POGO HAMMER

I hated Half-life 2. For some reason I was almost falling asleep from boredom in the cutscenes, and combat was barely enough to wake me up. I might be because I played it in 2008 and not when it was first released, so it might not have aged well. Episode 1 was pretty boring too, but Episode 2 was freaking awesome.

Just a personal opinion, though.

I rented the Orange Box very recently and beat all of the Half-Life 2 games, so you're timing for this couldn't be more perfect. Definitely watching this.

I ascend the ladder to find another box which I must move in order to climb out the window.



I pick it up.
It floats in front of my face.
I find this development slightly disturbing.
Apparently I have telekinesis.



I hop up on the box and get ready to jump out the-
HOLY SHIT.
THAT IS A LARGE DROP.
AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT BOX WILL DO NOTHING TO CUSHION MY FALL.
...Okay, I'm going to have to do this.
On three.
1...2...



3.
I made it without injury.
The box, however, did not.




I go in a door off to the side and head up the stairs.



I emerge into this rather bland hallway.




The officer at the end of the hall tells me to pick up that can.
I do.
...
Apparently I can throw it at him if I so desired.
I do not desire to throw it at him.
In fact, I really don't desire the beating he might deliver with his electro-rod.




I decide to save myself from being raped by futuristic clubs, and throw the can away.



He walks away with a creepy chuckle, apparently very satisfied with my submission.
...
Ew.



I go down the hall and come out into what appears to be the ticket center for the subway/train station.
There's not much to do here except listen to Dr. Breen talk about why the Combine have suppressed our reproductive systems, so I continue on.




Going down the hallway on the left, I follow that woman out to the central plaza.
It looks nice enough from here. I wonder-




HOLY SHIT
THAT BUILDING
IF THAT'S NOT COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.



Ignoring the massive phallic symbol that's looming over the city, I notice that there are Combine checkpoints EVERYWHERE.
And Barney told me to avoid those, so avoid them I will.



I notice this road off to the side, and choose it as my destination.
If not only for the fact that it's the only open road.




I pass by an officer guarding a door.
He tells me to move along.
However, I cannot move along because I am too transfixed by the beatings that are obviously going on inside.
Good job of covering that up. Maybe next time you assholes should shut the door all the way.
I finally manage to look away and continue down the street.
I really need a map if-




FUCK
WHAT THE HELL
WHAT WAS THAT THING
IT WAS LIKE A BUG
EXCEPT FROM MY NIGHTMARES
AND IT ONLY HAD THREE LEGS
But still, it reminds me of something...
But what?



I decide this alleyway is my best bet.
At least it'll get me away from all these officers.



A FENCE?
HA.
YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR MY MIT-LEVEL INTELLIGENCE



I SHALL USE THIS LADDER TO CONQUER YOU



With the chain-link fence soundly defeated, I see more beatings taking place down the alley.
They will continue until morale improves.





I avoid the club-pop flyin' enforcement officers, and find two people talking about Combine raids on the apartment buildings.
Wait...
'Come to OUR place'?
Two guys?
Are you implying what I think you're implying?



There are more Combine officers at the end of the street.
These guys are everywhere!
They're like cockroaches: There are tons of them, they hang out in broken down neighborhoods, and if you see one, you're probably going to scream.



Entering the apartment on the left, I come face-to-face with...
A DOOR.
WHAT TERRIBLE SECRETS LIE BEHIND THIS MAHOGANY GUARDIAN OF HALLWAYS?



I am severly dissapointed by what I find behind the Magical Mahogany Door of Mysteries.
But there are some stairs, which I climb.




I see some Combine officers breaking and entering an apartment.
That creepy motherfucker won't stop staring at me though.
He's not even walking towards me.
He's just standing there.
...
It's really unsettling.



I decide to duck in here until he leaves.



I can't tell what expression this guy has on his face.
It's like a cross between 'I just swallowed a bug' and 'Why the hell did you eat the last nectarine, that was mine, you asshole'.
Maybe his friends will be more welcoming.



They are fixed on something outside the window.
Maybe the people across the streets are nudists and they don't have any curtains.




Nope. It's just another Combine raid.
Oh well.
But that car is pretty sweet.



I go back into the hall so I-



ASJKDC6FVLUSJB
HE'S THERE
IN A DOORWAY
STARING AT MEEEEE
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MY SOUL?
YOU CAN HAVE IT, JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE



I run to the end of the hall and I am about to start climbing the stairs when an alarm goes off.
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-



-UUUUUCCCCKKK
HE'S THERE
IN THE DOORWAY
AND I THINK HE IS NOT AMUSED BY MY APARTMENT-SHENANIGANS
ITS TIME FOR ME TO RUN









After some more running-related shenanigans, this man tells me to get in there, quick.
I do.



I find myself in a large, attic like space after going up more stairs.
I'm going to have run and jump onto the next roof.
Here goes...



FUCK THIS SHIT
I'M OUTTA HERE



I turn around and see that I'm being chased by all sorts of law enforcement, even by what appears to be a FUCKING GUNSHIP.



There is nothing else I can do except run across these rooftops.
(Note: These images are rather boring, more boring than the running ones. So please enjoy these alternate lyrics to 'Ridin'' by Chamillionaire.


[Chorus]
They see me runnin'
They hatin
Patrolling they tryin to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Tryin to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Tryin to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Tryin to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Tryin to catch me jumpin' rooftops


My glasses so big
I'm silent
They hopin that they gon catch me jumpin' rooftops
Hopin' to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Hopin' to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Hopin' to catch me jumpin' rooftops
Hopin' to catch me jumpin' rooftops


[Verse 1 - Gordon]
First in my class down at MIT
Combine hate me because I'm free
Got style wearin' my HEV
I want liberation for you and me
I used to live down in Seattle
I carry my crowbar into battle
Once worked my booty off for Black Mesa
Quantum physics just won't brace ya
For headcrabs who want to deface ya
My goatee gets all the ladies
Too bad they're headcrab zombies with scabies
Voice used down to the minimum
Got any ammo I really need some

AW YEAH. GORDON FREEMAN HAS THE FRESHEST RYHMES.

Awesome.

best mute rhymer of all times, and those screen shots were boring: the song thing was cool

Yes, this update was a little long and boring.
It gets better in the next one though.

>Throw can at douche.

>Earn bonus points.

Or alternatively an achievement.

I like the way you're doing this, more of at PoW than an on purpose joking way.

Crush Bandicoot wrote:Or alternatively an achievement.

I like the way you're doing this, more of at PoW than an on purpose joking way.

Thanks.

And yeah, you can get two achicevements:
Submissive (Where you throw it away)
Defiant (Where you hit him with the can)

AND NOW FOR A RELATIVELY SHORT UPDATE WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH JUST AN INTERACTIVE CUTSCENE.



After a bit more rooftop running, I find an open window and jump in, which leads me to another attic-like space.
I find some more stairs, which I hope will help me run from the Combine officers.



FUCK
GODDAMN IT
THEY WERE WAITING FOR ME
FFFFFFFUUUUUUU-
And then I am beaten within an inch of my life.
Everything goes white.



Suddenly, I hear fighting, human speech, and the horrible sound that is a Combine officer dying.
I begin to regain my senses when I hear something.
It brings tears to my eyes. It's...It's the-



-cheesiest line I think I've ever heard. It's so bad, I want to cry.
And I would, except for the fact that she just saved my life.



No shit.



Yeah, that was a bit of a problem.



Got that right.



...



The elevator stops and we enter another room of bland concrete. She walks over to a poster of Big Brother.
She confirms his identity as Dr. Breen.
Apparently he was an administrator at Black Mesa.
I have never seen this man before today.



WHATS THIS?



And why is that?

NEXT UPDATE: A RED LETTER DAY

I prefer blue letters.

[Citation Needed] wrote:I prefer blue letters.

What
They all look black
Then blue again
Its messing with me

Or maybe it's time I took a break from the computer screen