The Fantastical Feats of Freddy Furius Smashman, a Modded LP

Badfish · Post by **Badfish** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:32 am

It's a guy with a hammer.

Null · Post by **Null** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:39 am

Okay, I didn't want to spoil the ending for you but

Smashman is actually a ghost. He has been this whole time.

I AM SORRY MANDER I HAVE RUINED THIS LP.

Mr. Mander · Post by **Mr. Mander** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:15 am

That hot-PANK rectangle is the first step on my ADVENTURE.

(In reality it is a texture glitch which I correct)

EXPOSITION

TO SKINGRAD

This Skulking Man gives me a long lecture on the New God.

I tell him that he and his new god can facebattle my hammer.

He displays great cunning by running away.

I have a high Athleticism though, so I keep track of him.

Until he steals my horse.

YOU ARE NUMBER ONE ON MY LIST OF FACE-SMASHING, SIR

He forgot that he had a quest marker pinned to him though, so I tracked him to this encampment thing.

This is a very large camp. I wonder what all those wooden barricades are for.

THE TOWER SHOOTS EXPLODING FIREBALLS

I cower in fear until I see a commander-looking person.

He explains that there is a Lich somewhere in the basement, and the Skulking guy I followed here earlier is shooting the Fireballs. This calls for a revision to my face-smashing list.

F. SMASHMAN'S FACE-SMASHING LIST OF JUSTICE:
1: Skulking Guy
2: Lich
3: Tower

Commander Maelin (fancy-armor guy) recognizes that I am the champion of Cyrodiil and asks for my help.

Oh boy, now I can legally say that this is for JUSTICE.

He also mentions that the tower is structurally unstable.

This is not a nice looking place.

I find a key on one of the various corpses and use it to unlock the ladder.

At least the bodies are in boxes this time. I look for a key in the Coffins.

The room shakes and groans every once in a while. It is a bit unsettl-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

WHAT DID I DO

AAAAAAAAAAAAWHATDIDIDOWHATDIDIDOOOOOOOOO

THERE IS A (HORIZONTAL) DOOR NEARBY I SHOULD GO OUT OF IT

The tower tipped over while I WAS INSIDE.

I do not like this Mod anymore.

BUT HEY NOW THERE IS A TRAP DOOR WHERE I CAN FACE EVEN MORE NIGHTMARES

On the Bright side Skulky Guy is dead. The tower crushed him! That is like 1000 times more crushed than what I was going to do! And I guess the tower is pretty broken too.

F. SMASHMAN'S LIST OF FACE-SMASHING JUSTICE
1: Skulky Guy: UBERSMASH'D
2: Lich
3: Tower: PROXYSMASH'D

Oh god it is very dark here I bet the screaming will start soon.

Nope.

Maelin hands me a torch and I am able to light up the base.

The first door I choose is some sort of crazy labrynth-thing.

It is filled with undead. But as it turns out, Maelin is an expert in Blade, which makes him really useful against these undead. It is kind of comforting to have him here.

I get bored after about 20 rooms and leave the Labrynth.

I REGRET LEAVING THE LABRYNTH

That book right there is the TOME OF TEN THOUSAND CURSES. Being the Lawful Stupid person that I am, I clicked it.

The room was immediately filled with chanting that would give Lovecraft nightmares.

(NOW IT IS DARK OUTSIDE AND I REFUSE TO PLAY THIS MOD WHILE ALONE IN THE DARK. Update coming whenever it is sunny again)

gigoergong · Post by **gigoergong** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:25 am

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

Post by **Superior Bacon** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:29 am

Destroying towers yeeeah

boq · Post by **boq** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:29 am

man, i hate it when my towers just fall over like that.

Miss Starseed · Post by **Miss Starseed** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:34 am

Now this is more interesting.

Haha, if I assume you speak as the character, it's so adorable to imagine this ridiculously strong knight in huge, shiny armor is scared of the dark.

Fooflyer · Post by **Fooflyer** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:35 am

Photobucket loads faster, bro.

Indecisive · Post by **Indecisive** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:47 pm

I will concede that Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog is epic, but Im just saying that I personally prefer Castle.

Palenque stated his opinion. I stated mine. Thats it. I didnt mean to piss anyone off. I wanted to state my opinion. Nothing else. I wasnt expecting a sort of Spanish Inquisition.

Mr. Mander · Post by **Mr. Mander** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:10 am

Updatin'

The tome of 1000 Curses summoned a Clannfear.

They are very easy to kill at my level though.

I take the scientific approach to the Tome, and decide to CLICK IT AGAIN.

More chanting ensues.

This time it's a Daedroth! A few more clicks and I should have Mehrunes Dagon!

Nope, it's a Dremora who does not want to attack me.

I like this Dremora. He offers me advice on how to get through the labrynth.

Good thing I was writing that down.

I don't think I have mentioned how big of a help Maelin is. It is very nice to have company in this dark and creepy place.

One of the Dremora's instructions was to rest by the tree.

Why I should do that, I do not know.

Hey, I'm in the path to the Lich's lair.

Maelin notes that the door to the actual lich's lair is locked.

I hate keys.

Oh shi-

The ONE TIME the villain doesn't wait for me to show up before it starts killing.

This is bad.

Maelin tells me to go it alone and find the key.

I do not want to be alone.

You won't be.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

STOP SCREAMING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I'M ON YOUR SIDE, BUFFOON

Well most of my allies don't just appear in my mind, mysterious voice!

I have no choice. My movement is rather limited, you know.

...Fine. Now please help me, this tunnel is very dark...

Seek out this armor.

Really...Umm...I already have some armor, could you just point me to the key?

SEEK IT OUT

AAAAAAAAA OKAY I AM LISTENING

This place is not pleasant. Even my allies are terrifying.

I apologize for my earlier outburst, Freddy.

I am just very direct is all.

Apology accepted, voice. Besides, the armor is right over there across this dark hallway. No terror involved.

Very good. I'm sure this will serve you well, Freddy.

And it looks nice, too.

Indeed, it is very nice looking, isn't it. Please, take the armor. It will help you defeat the Lich.

Oh good, he's the only person left on my face-smashing list.

I approve of this list.

Those stats are pretty nice. It's got some good enchantments too.

Of course it's nice. I've spent my entire life crafting that armor.

Maelin informs me that all the other soldiers are dead. Poor guy.

Now he is alone as well. Hmm, the three of us, all alone in one way, all together in another.

I should kill the Lich...but...Voice, I'm coming to get you. Me and Maelin are going to find you, got it?

You already have me, Freddy.

I mean your physical body, Voice. We're coming to get you.

Again, you already have me. Haven't you figured it out yet?

I'm the Armor, Freddy.

Palenque · Post by **Palenque** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:13 am

"The voice is coming from inside the armor!"

Zink · Post by **Zink** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:22 am

Pretty sure that armor is just male dark seducer armor with some chainmail put in underneath.

Also, it would be nice if you showed us the stats and enchantments of the armor and weapons you pick up.

Mr. Mander · Post by **Mr. Mander** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:23 am

Well I tried that but apparently the button I use to take screenshots is the same one that opens the hotkey menu.

It interfered with the stat-shot.

gigoergong · Post by **gigoergong** » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:23 am

I'm liking these proletariats. Makes me wish that I didn't only own this on the console.

Mr. Mander · Post by **Mr. Mander** » Fri Feb 12, 2010 2:38 am

Yes I can update once a day.

This is due to me not having a life.

You took that news surprisingly well.

Smashing the Lich and getting out of this damned place are higher on my list of priorities than freaking out right now.

And what about after we get out of this place?

I am going to flip the fuck out.

Boy, this lich is going down really quick.

Make no mistake, he would have slaughtered you just a few moments ago. It is only with my help you can face him so easily.

Thank you, then.

Well that was anticlimactic.

F. SMASHMAN'S FACE-SMASHING LIST OF JUSTICE:
1. Skulky Guy: UBERSMASH'D
2. Lich: SMASH'D
3. Tower: PROXYSMASH'D

Now let's get the hell out of here!

pop flyin' to oblige.

This is not right.

You never specified WHERE you wanted to get out.

Eh, I can live with this. At least it isn't dark here. I should be able to find my way out pretty quickly.

Hey look, a painting of Maelin! I wonder how it got here.

It's quite simple, actually. Keep going and I shall explain.

Strange how everything except the food is black and white.

I don't like to talk about it.

This guy is wearing a suit of armor just like you. What is going on here?

Wait, how can I be wearing you and talking to you at the same time?

This world is a representation of our shared consciousness, Freddy. Your mind and mine, working as one. You are only imagining yourself wearing me, whereas I imagine myself as a separate entity.

But, to business. Now that you and I are one, what threatens me also threatens you. In the world of man there are many who would seek to destroy me. You will be my vessel, eradicating those who would do us harm.

This sounds like plot. A very long, bloody plot.

There will be quite a bit of bloodshed, that is true. But with my power and your hammer, we will make quick work of any who seek to harm us.

Now, back to the world of the living...

I awake and am immediately attacked by two skeletons. I do so hate this place.

I have been resting on that stone pillar for ages. No one is sicker of this place than I am.

Well, once we and Maelin smash these skeletons we can- Maelin?

Maelin is gone. This is not good.

That little scumball. He left us alone in the tomb!

Relax...I'm pretty sure he's nearby.

These are not Maelin.

He is not anywhere in the Lich's chamber.

Nor is he in the hallways or the Labrynth.

And the encampment is abandoned too. It looks like it has been for a while.

How long were we out?
________________________________

ADDENDUM:

The Armor needs a name. What shall I call it?