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Shoolis
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Post by Shoolis »

thatsthejoke.jpg
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This is for you King Ghidorah....

Zink
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Post by Zink »

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Hey.

Worst guild leader ever.

Stop sleeping.

I need another assignment.

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Okay then.

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The Anvil guild hall is still a wreck. Dead bodies everywhere.

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Hmm. I can't seem to find Azzan.

I hope he isn't one the many, many dead bodies that litter the guild.

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Oh, wait, there he is. In his office.

...I wonder if he's noticed that everyone is dead, yet...

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Based on his lack of anger, I'd say he hasn't noticed.

...Or he's just a terrible leader like the other guy.

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Rats. Really.

Rats.

...Oh well, at least I get to kill something.

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Oh boy, I'm sure this will be interesting.

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OH WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT

THE WAY THE QUEST WAS DESCRIBED IT MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU HAD TO KILL THE RATS WHEN IN ACTUALITY YOU HAVE TO SAVE THE RATS

WHAT A TWIST

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Okay. I bet it's just a cat or some-

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-...thing.

That... is not a small cat.

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It was a mountain lion.

There was a mountain lion

in this woman's basement.

What. Just... what.

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Also I kill a few of the rats.

Just because.

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Yeah. It was a mountain lion. You should probably-

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...Well, okay. I'm not sure where you are going with this, though.

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I find what's-his-face leaving the city.

Let's see what this dork has to say.

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And by "see what he has to say" I mean "ask him about rumors and forgot about the whole rat thing".

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...If everyone knows about them, why are they still even around, then?

Oh yeah. Guard incompetence. I forgot.

Anyway, let's get back to this whole rat situation.

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Wait what

Are we seriously going to exterminate all the mountain lions in the area just to save a few rats?

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Seriously?

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This can not be good for the ecosystem.

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I manage to kill the mountain lions easily.

Now the the eco-system has been suitably fucked up, I'd better go get my reward.

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WHAT

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Holy shit, there is another one!

How does this even happen!?

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Hoooowwww

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Look, lady, I'm not sure what baffles me more. The fact that mountain lions keep getting into your basement, or the fact that you are more concerned about your rats safety than your own.

Seriously, when mountain lions repeatedly break into your basement, you might want to consider staying somewhere else for a while.

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...Sigh...

The longer this quest goes on, the more and more mentally unstable this lady seems.

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I wait behind a fence until around midnight, and spot Quil-Weave or whatever her name is leaving some meat or something outside a hole that leads to crazy-rat-lady's basement.

Huh. Looks like madame insanity was right.

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Yeah. That's great and all except for the mountain lions

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Yeah, okay. I'll keep it a secret. I don't particularly like crazy-rat-lady anyway.

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Thus, I get paid

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And I get an acrobatics level.

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Well, that was interesting. Boring, but interesting.

I hope I actually get assigned to, you know, kill people in my next contract.

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Aranai
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Post by Aranai »

Ah, I remember this one. The Morrowind reference made me incredibly pop flyin' my first playthrough.
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Darkin
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Post by Darkin »

Ahhh... Morrowind. Didn't you kill big-head? Or did he manage to kill himself?

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Superior Bacon
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Post by Superior Bacon »

hey, at least you got to punch out some mountain lions

not even nature is safe from charlie manhuge
[5:06:23 PM] Yeili: this is kind of cool, i've beaten a murderer in mario party.
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Kupti Tranamo
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Post by Kupti Tranamo »

Mr. Mander wrote:It turns Clipping off.

"Clipping" in gaming terms, meaning collision with objects. Turn Clipping off, and you can walk through walls and walk in midair.
I knew what clipping was, I just didn't know what tcl stood for. Thanks.
This is my signature because i am mostly a lurker, therefore i have no use for signatures.

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Kupti Tranamo
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Post by Kupti Tranamo »

Whoops double post doop doop!

I remember this quest. The fighter's guild was the only guild I tried to take seriously. It's hard though, considering how ridiculous everyone is.
This is my signature because i am mostly a lurker, therefore i have no use for signatures.

Zink
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Post by Zink »

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I head back to the Anvil guild hall leader. I find him standing over the corpses of his dead comrades.

He spots me and immediately compliments me on my smithing skills.

...Yep, we have another worst guild leader ever.

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Right, right. After all, I only murdered every single member of your guild except for like five.

Clearly I'm the kind of person you should be polite to.

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Thieves, eh? At least I'll finally get to kill people, I guess.

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He lives near Anvil's docks.

...You know, I don't think I've ever been back here before...

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I talk to the store owner and- wait what was wrong with the sign

I MUST INVESTIGATE

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Oh. Just a typo and half-assed correction.

Nothing special.

I head back in and ask about the break-ins.

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Oh boy oh boy

I've always wanted to watch a shop!

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This is the best! Now I just have to wait for customers!

...Or thieves.

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Oh boy, customers!

Let me show you my wa-

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Wait what why are you drawing weapons

That is not how you buy things

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I'm afraid I am going to have to ask you to leave

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Well, there we go. I hope you all learned a valuable lesson about shopping. That is, you don't do it with your swords. You do it with your cheddar.

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Now, I'm going to confiscate all of your armor to pay for the damages. You're lucky that's all I'm taking.


...I should probably go tell the store owner about all these naked dead people in his shop, though...

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Huh? What? All I did was kill a few of your customers.

I mean, yeah, I understand that you may think they were the thieves, but come on. They were all wearing very noticeable shiny green armor. No one is stupid enough to think that they could be the slightest bit sneaky in that.

Oh well, good enough for me, I guess. back to Captain Incompetent!

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Mmk.

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I head to the Chorrol Fighter's Guild and-

What's this!?

A survivor!?

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I'll take care of this!

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Or, more specifically, the Punch Misers and any nearby guards will.

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Well, that little issue was taken care of!

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...Uh... you do realize that I've been keeping myself busy by killing all of your fellow guild members-

...You know what? I give up. Clearly, every single guild leader is the definition of incompetence and idiocy. That's their problem, not mine.

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Oh, but murdering each other is fine?

You guys really need to sort out your priorities.

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Why didn't the Anvil guild leader just tell me to talk to him then?

Argh! I already said I gave up and I'm still complaining! You guys are so stupid that you are making me give up my own promises to myself!

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...So... he's sending me, someone who has murdered almost every member of the Fighter's Guild, to go deal with someone who is "making the guild look bad".

...I can't help but think that this guy has some... less than legal... intentions.

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I head to Skingrad and enter a bar.

I start looking for Maglir, but suddenly some woman goes berserk as soon as she sees Martin and Jauffre.

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She then reveals herself to be a Mythic Dawn member!

WHAT A TWIST

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She is immediately beaten into submission (and eventually to death) by both the Punch Misers and the Fighter's Guild member I was supposed to talk to.

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Maglir, however, doesn't want to stop fighting (which may or may not be my fault due to an accidental frenzy spell that I may or may not have cast while I was trying to heal).

A guard enters.

I'm sure you see where this is going.

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The guard is soon dead. The Punch Misers start fighting amongst themselves (again).

Screw this. I'm sick of dealing with all of their kill-each-other bullshit. I'm just going to talk to Maglir.

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So now I have to go find some sort of dumb book for him.

Okay then.

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I begin riding to the cave and-

...Wait...

That glow...

I've... I've seen that glow before...

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Oh god no.

It can't be!

I... I thought I closed this thing in Kvatch! Does this mean there's more of these goddamn things!?

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Daedra are all over the place!

I have no time for this! I just have to flee!

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daisies it! This Oblivion gate and Mythic Dawn situation must be worse than I thought!

...Maybe I should bring Martin to Cloud Top sometime soon. I... I think I'm beginning to push the deadline a little bit...

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Anyway, although it may be soon, that day won't be today. I still have to get that book.

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Geez. No wonder he didn't want to go get this book. There are high-level undead everywhere.

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Although it's nothing I can't handle, of course.

I manage to find the book. Here's its contents, in case you are interested.

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With that settled, I head back to Skingrad.

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Somehow, Martin and Jauffre are riding horses.

You aren't supposed to be riding horses in towns.

This is very unusual.

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I see the innkeeper has yet to do anything about that woman's body. You'd think she would. I mean, it's not like you can just explain it away by saying "Oh, don't mind the dead woman in the middle of the floor, she was just killed in a barroom brawl or something". In fact, that would probably make it worse.

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Don't worry, I'll cover for you. Mostly because I got the impression he wanted me to kill you, and I feel like doing the exact opposite of what he wants.

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Yeah.

Just keep in mind that the only reason you are not dead is because you are essential.

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Dammit Martin and Jauffre, what part of "you can't ride horses in towns or cities" do you guys not understand? I mean, really, it seems pretty obv-

Wait... Is that...?

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It is! Nameless! You're alive!

...Again...

...You really need to stop dying and coming back. It's... getting a little bit weird.

But hey great to have you back.

Anyway, TO THE GUILD LEADER GUY PERSON THING

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Oh boy.

A shitty reward.

My favorite.

I figure I might as well learn about my next job right now.

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Once again I am under the impression that you want them dead.

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Oh well, at least that's the sort of job I'm good at.

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Miss Starseed
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Post by Miss Starseed »

Fooflyer wrote:omg dont post unless you have 100+ posts
Yes, I really AM so devoted to picking on people with less than a hundred posts, I don't give a shit if they demand someone do something, without even saying please. I just do it because I am a persnickety bitch with lots and lots of posts.
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Fooflyer
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Post by Fooflyer »

omg

Koeqepp
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Post by Koeqepp »

Miss StarSeed wrote:
Fooflyer wrote:omg dont post unless you have 100+ posts
Yes, I really AM so devoted to picking on people with less than a hundred posts, I don't give a shit if they demand someone do something, without even saying please. I just do it because I am a persnickety bitch with lots and lots of posts.
Well then I'm glad I have more than 100 posts.
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bunnytots
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Post by bunnytots »

Charlie Manhuge's army is growing! Maybe he could take over the empire soon.
[url=http://steamcommunity.com/id/bunnytots2/]Steam[/url]
[quote="/v/"]Canada is basically America with more bears.[/quote]

Squigzog
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Post by Squigzog »

bunnytots wrote:Charlie Manhuge's army is growing! Maybe he could take over the empire soon.
ftfy
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Hug me

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Kupti Tranamo
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Post by Kupti Tranamo »

Nameless is... alive? Again? Seriously? I was pop flyin' when he was alive the first time, but again? I think he's a sorcerer.
This is my signature because i am mostly a lurker, therefore i have no use for signatures.

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Superior Bacon
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Post by Superior Bacon »

WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH NAMELESS
[5:06:23 PM] Yeili: this is kind of cool, i've beaten a murderer in mario party.
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