I wonder what Oreyn wants from me this time?
I hope it's a SUPER SPECIAL SECRET MISSION
OH BOY IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE ONE
Well, they were
Fighter's Guild members, so my guess is they were all easily and horribly killed.
If it's so important that this mission must be completed quickly, why did you specifically send for me
instead of just asking someone nearby- oh right I killed them all.
Sorry about that
I repeat: they were all killed.
If the men you sent were competent, they wouldn't be working for the Fighter's Guild
...I mean, yeah, I
work for the Fighter's Guild, but... I'm different, okay!?
The mine is on the complete other end of Cyrodiil
I HAVE A JOURNEY AHEAD OF ME
AND NOW SAID JOURNEY IS BEHIND ME.
Well, let's see what happened. Who knows, maybe these members were
competent and didn't
get killed. Perhaps they're just taking a really
long time because they want to be absolutely sure
that every single troll is dead.
I enter the cave and am immediately greeting with a woman laying dead in what is probably a pool of her own blood.
Well, that blows that
theory to hell!
Wow, the bodies are everywhere!
I can't take more than a few steps without tripping on a corpse!
They must have gotten slaughtered!
The blood definitely looks fresh.
I'm surprised I haven't slipped in it yet.
There doesn't seem to be any troll corpses around.
Or any live ones, for that matter.
In fact, the only thing that seems to be around that isn't
a dead Fighter's Guild member is this mudcrab.
what killed them all?
Wow, I can't believe this. Fighter's Guild members have actually managed to surprise
me with their incompetence!
one? Wow, I can't believe there were so many-
...Wait a minute...
...This isn't a Fighter's Guild member... This is clearly Blackwood Company armor.
Something seems odd about this...
There's another body nearby, but that just seems to be another Fighter's Guild corpse.
I have a bad feeling about this. I think I some take some precautions...
There! Now I have the perfect
I don't exactly trust these Blackwood types, so, if I run into any, I want to be sure that it is I
who trick them
, not the other way around.
Suddenly, almost as if on cue, a Troll
Looks like the Fighter's Guild failed their mission really
Luckily, I am far more competent than the Fighter's Guild will ever be.
Finally, near the very back of the cave, I find the body of Viranus.
The guildmaster probably isn't going to like this. But, oh well
, she'll get over it.
His body is located a couple yards away from this guy named "Eduard".
...I'm not quite sure how I am able to identify a body just by looking at it, even if I've never met the person before when they were alive.
Oh well. Only one thing left to do now: loot the dead!
Hmm? A journal?
Well, it isn't like Viranus is gonna need it any more.
I suppose that he also
won't mind if I take a moment to read his private journal.
These first two pages just tell me that the Guild Master is over-protective and probably shouldn't be leading the Fighter's Guild, and that Viranus doesn't get a lot of missions for just those reasons.
In other words, a bunch of stuff I already know.
journal! I'm not prying into the private life of the recently deceased so I can hear about things someone told me already!
Show me some of the good parts!
Well, apparently, Viranus was really good friends with this Eduard fellow, and the lack of missions started to give him low self-esteem.
That's a bit better, but still not the most interesting of secrets.
Hey, that entry is about me
! ...Well, kinda, anyway. It's nice that he appreciates what I-
...WAIT A MOMENT! "Keep that new boot alive"? He thought he
was the one keeping me
This man is even dumber than I thought!
"naive as he is beautiful
"? Viranus seems to write about Eduard fairly... passionately. Sounds like they may have been just a bit more
than just friends.
Unfortunately, after that entry, all that's left is a bunch of relevant
stuff about how apparently the Blackwood Company came out of absolutely nowhere and killed the fuck
out of everybody.
I'm slightly disappointed. The only good secret this journal contained was Viranus's secret crush or whatever, but even that
was only implied.
This is the worst journal.
Well, everything in that cave that wasn't me or the Punch Misers is dead, so I guess that means I'm done there.
Everyone is dead.
That's really all there is to say about the matter.
Also I found Viranus's journal, but it wasn't particularly interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, at least one of those Blackwood Co. guys died too.
I stripped him naked and took his armor in case I ever need a good disguise.
Yeah, about Vilena... is there any particular reason why it seems like everyone in her family has a name starting with "V"?
It seems kinda dumb.
Why, is she a "shoot the messenger" kind of leader?
Well, if you get fired, I may
consider letting you join the Punch Misers.
For now, I guess I should go see one of the other mission guys.
Anvil is a fairly nice place, but it seems kinda... desolate, since I killed everyone in it.
I still cannot for the life of me remember why I did that.
...Bad news? Why is it bad?
? Why!? For making sure Viranus didn't get killed during that one mission and then completing the mission he did
I don't see how I did anything wrong here.
If the Guild Master wasn't immune to death, I would beat her to death so badly
Fine, fine, I suppose getting angry won't solve anything, I'll do your stupid little mission.
Bruma then. Got it.
It's been a while since I've been in Bruma.
I really did a number on those clones last time, huh?
...There are still quite a few left, though.
I should probably do something about that sometime.
I'm here about some stupid statue or something?
I don't even know who Alessia is, nor do I care.
Just tell me where the stone is so I can kill whoever took it and bring the bloodstained stone back to you.
No shit, asshole
They robbed you in the middle of the night and then ran off. I am pretty sure that, by definition, that makes them bandits
Only four or five? Ha. Those kind of numbers pose no threat to me.
I'll get your stone back to you by morning.
I doubt the bandits got far.
Bandits are generally too stupid to go very quickly without getting the sudden, insane urge to hide in a random cave.
Hmm? Who's that square over there?
That must be one of the bandits!
Well, he certainly seems down today. ...Maybe I should try to cheer him up before killing him?
Yeah, I bet it was.
I mean, it sounds like just some stupid statue. I don't really see why it's such a big deal.
Stolen again, eh? Didja get pickpocketed by a beggar or something?
Ogres, you say?
That shouldn't be too much of a problem. For me, I mean. Obviously it was a problem for you, seeing as how all of your friends are dead.
Sure, I'll you be. After one last thing
There we go. Much better.
If I get paid to kill some bandits, I am going to kill some daisies bandits
THAT IS JUST THE WAY THINGS WORK!
These must be the ruins.
...I admit, it's kinda cool how it's built into a mountain like that.
We head in, beat the shit out of some ogres, and track down the stone.
Wow, they ogres even put it on a pedestal!?
They must be bigger art-lovers than I thought.
I have the stone, back to the chapel!
Yes, as I matter of fact, I have.
It isn't bloodstained, though. I guess I was wrong about that.
He gives me strong potions of healing.
Because I clearly need more of those
With that out of the way, I head back to Anvil for my official payment.
It was pretty easy to find, actually.
Unfortunately for me, he lacks any more assignments for me.
Like, at all. Forever.
That was bodaciously the last assignment I will ever receive from him.
That means I'll never have to deal with his idiocy ever again