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Superior Bacon
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Post by Superior Bacon »

Pfff, lame. NorCal is where it's at.
[5:06:23 PM] Yeili: this is kind of cool, i've beaten a murderer in mario party.
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The Bouncer
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Post by The Bouncer »

SHIT ZINK
WE SHOULD HANG OUT
[5/13/2013 11:55:56 PM] Mr.Mander: "Obama announces Boys Love japanese textbook manga anthology" WOULD make a much better headline
[5/13/2013 11:58:45 PM] egoat: th-thanks, obama?

Sonny99
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Post by Sonny99 »

Zink wrote:Around Los Angeles.
Funny, one of my friends on steam lives there.
I live on the other side of the country
Meh, I'll pop in and out

Zink
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Post by Zink »

Holy shit I just noticed that this thread now has over 100,000 views.


I FIND THIS IMPORTANT FOR SOME REASON OKAY!?



(Also hi this is filler.)

Zink
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Post by Zink »

Man... 100,000 views.

This thread has been clicked on 100,000 times.

...Is that a lot? I think that's a lot. It's more than the General Game Gabbin' thread, and I think that means something.

But I don't really understand what it means so it's probably in German or something.

(Also hi this is more filler)

Zink
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Post by Zink »

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I head back to Chorrol for my NEXT MISSION.

And also to report the completion of my current one I guess.


(By the way, I took this screenshot thinking "Hey, I haven't taken a screenshot from directly above before! I should try that!" IT TURNS OUT THE REASON FOR THAT IS THAT THEY LOOK REALLY BAD.)

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ALREADY TAKEN CARE O- Wait, you already used some form of the phrase "take care of"! You made my statement sound redundant!

CURSE YOU OREEEEEEEEYN



Oh by the way Maglir is with the Blackwood company or something now.

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Yeah, I guess.

I get paid the same no matter how many contracts we have, though, so I don't really care all that much. As long as there is work for me, I am pop flyin'!

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Our competition?

...I could... you know... "take care" of them.

If you know what I mean.

Catch my drift.

Get what I'm saying.





...I am implying that I could kill them.

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I don't know who this guy is or why these contracts are "fat" so I really don't know what you are talking about.

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Oh yes who cares about this clearly very important business, we have MEANINGLESS PROMOTIONS to take care of!

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But defense is boring. I like being on the front lines punching people right in the nose!


It's a lot more fun than standing around blocking.

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Ohhhhh, sounds like shady business.

I hope this means that you are taking up my offer on slaughtering some Blackwood dorks.

Because that would probably be really fun.

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It's actually already after sundown, so I end up just following him back to his home.

He walks really really slowly.

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I'm just letting you know right now.

If this isn't murder I am leaving.

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...Any chance of you telling me what those things are?

Any at all?

No?

Dammit.

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I'm surprised that the guild master acts like she's the Fighter's Guild's Mom.

You'd expect someone who was in charge of a well-organized group of mercenaries to be a bit less... protective, I guess?

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So you were hired to kill a guy and steal his stuff?

That sounds more like Dark Brotherhood business to me.


...Although, I suppose I already insured that it would be impossible for anyone to hire the Dark Brotherhood anymore. Unless they get that one survivor to do it, but they seemed like kind of a stupid wimp anyway.

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You lost twenty men to one guy!?

That is pathetic

...Unless he had goons or something. Did he have goons? You really haven't told me anything about this guy other than his name.

I really don't see what this had to do with the Blackwood company, though. Except how we kinda suck compared to them.

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Well, maybe they brought like fifty guys so something. Maybe they brought the entirety of the Blackwood Company.

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Seems a bit pointless to find out now. It's in the past, isn't it?

We should probably focus on what's ahead, instead.

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They are a group of mercenaries who kill things for cheddar.

I don't see how that is so complicated.

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To be honest, I really like how you constantly hide things from the Guildmaster. It's like you know how hilariously incompetent the rest of the Guild is.

That's like fifty respect points right there. In other words, sure, I'll go.

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Well okay I guess.

Just don't get in my way.

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I arrive at Leyawiin. However, I know it probably isn't a good idea to show my face around here again, what with punching the Countess to death and all that.

Luckily, I have this convenient black hood, which should hopefully be enough of a disguise to quell suspicion from the authorities.

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I arrive at the Leyawiin Guild Hall and talk to Oreyn. He marks the place on my map and then says that he'll follow me.

That doesn't really make a lot of sense considering that he's the one who knows where the daisies place is.

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Oh well, at least it doesn't seem too hard to find.

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I arrive at the base, which is apparently ruins.

LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!

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So anyway short story shorter it turns out this place is empty.

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It's possible that the body simply rotted away.

Or maybe the Blackwood Company was really respectful and removed the body themselves?

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Or that, I guess.

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That... actually makes a lot of sense.

Hey, would you mind being a little less competent? I find the concept of a competent Fighter's Guild member both jarring and unsettling.

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Sounds good.

...Except for the fact that we have no idea where he is.

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Seems like a bit of stretch, but alright, I'll go with it.

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He leads the way this time.

I'd be okay with that if he wasn't so goddamn slow!

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We arrive at the ruins.

They look... ruin-ish.

There really isn't all that much more to say.

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Well, this place looks empty. I guess maybe he was wrong about-

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-Hooooooooooly shit those are some very sliced up rodents.

Do mice even have that much blood!?

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Hey, there's someone over there!

Maybe that's Blackheart?


Excuse me, sir, are you by any chance Mr. Blackheart

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...Uhhh... what are you doing with that bow.

I... take it you are not him?

Are you acquaintances?

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Whoops looks like this line of questioning has reached its end!

Time to switch to plan B!

...Which, in retrospect, probably should have been the main plan to begin with.

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It is amazing how much people can bleed through armor.

Anyway, it appears as though Blackheart did have goons.

It suddenly occurs to me that Oreyn excepts the two of us to accomplish something that twenty people failed horribly at!

I mean, yeah, I guess I have what's left of the Punch Misers with me, but they aren't nearly competent enough to be counted as people anyway.

...Then again, these are Fighter's Guild members we're talking about.

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I easily murder my way through all the stupid faceless minions.

Someday I'd like to meet someone who has any idea how to hire competent help.

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Eventually, I enter some sort of throne room containing a very angry man.

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It appears that this very angry man is none other than Blackheart himself.

...I wonder if he's any more competent than his guards...

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Ow ow ow the fact that he just lit me on fire and sent me flying backwards says yes.

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I'm... I'm just gonna lie here a bit and wait for the burning to stop.

I'll just let you guys handle this one.

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Anyway, they were obviously unable to handle it themselves and I was forced to get over my third degree burns and deal with it myself.

Business as usual.

It's nice knowing that I nearly singlehandedly accomplished what twenty people couldn't.

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I check the guy's body. Nothing special. Sinweaver doesn't even seem all that great. I'm not sure why he'd bother using something like this when I can find better blades by rooting through the trash.

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Your brothers, you mean. I never even met any of them, and if I had the chance to, I probably would have just killed them myself.

That is generally the way that I solve my problems.

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That seems like pretty flimsy evidence. It would never hold in court.


...Wait, does Cyrodiil even have a court system!?

It suddenly occurs to me that the guards in the land are the Judges, Juries, and Executioners!

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I don't think you've used the word "good" enough yet. You should say it several more times for good measure.

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Well, okay, I guess I'll head back to Chorrol too since I have nothing better to do.

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...What the hell's a "warder"?

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Oh well. What's-his-face is dead now, the mission complete, and that's all that really matters.
Last edited by Zink on Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The Bouncer
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Post by The Bouncer »

Seriously though.
What's a warder?
[5/13/2013 11:55:56 PM] Mr.Mander: "Obama announces Boys Love japanese textbook manga anthology" WOULD make a much better headline
[5/13/2013 11:58:45 PM] egoat: th-thanks, obama?

Master War
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Post by Master War »

Probably just gold and some weapons.

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Fooflyer
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Post by Fooflyer »

hey master_war

Lupin
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Post by Lupin »

A warder is a guard. Y'know as in "Prison Warder"?

Nancymaker
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Post by Nancymaker »

There's this thing called 'Being in character'...

Charlie isn't the ripest fruit in the apple tree, as Zink himself has stated.
Chopstix wrote:clone me is probs a lesbian so we're both barking up the wrong vagina

Lupin
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Post by Lupin »

That comment was directed at Yeili. he asked about it afterall.

Edit: I have no idea why it says creeper.
Last edited by Lupin on Tue Aug 24, 2010 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Zink
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Post by Zink »

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Well, nothing to do now but leave the ruins I guess.

...Why were these ruins even built anyway? They're just a bunch of empty hallways with a few magical stones and a chest or two.

Seems a bit pointless.

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I decide to go to Cheydinhal next. Why? Because why not.

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They are in a cave.

I know because it's always in a cave.

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The watch is always useless.

And I bet the severe casualties I inflict upon them on a daily basis doesn't help either.

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Hahahahahahahaha

No, trust me, they are probably too stupid for something like that. They'll just fight uselessly to the death for no reason.

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I make my way to Bravil to kick some booty and take some names

I enter a nearby shop and ask the shopkeeper about these fugitives.

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Wha-

WHAT

I am trying to help you, you ignorant bastard!

Why the hell would you want to keep the location of the fugitives that are terrorizing you a secret? That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense whatsoever! Am i just not good enough for you? Have you ever heard the phrase "don't look a gift horse in the mouth?" That's exactly what you are doing right now!


But fine, whatever, I'll play along. STUPID PERSUASION MINIGAME THING AWAAAAAAAY

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Was that so hard?



At least I can take out my frustration on these fugitives. That's the nice thing about this adventuring career. You get to beat the shit out of a lot of people.

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I read to the cave, which is, predictably, right outside Bravil.

Time to get to work

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Well, it certainly looks like someone's living here.

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I head deeper into the cave and am immediately hit in the face with a mace made out of green glass.

THERE IS A FIGHT

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A short one.

These fugitives pose about as much as a threat as you would expect.

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They are also completely stupid.

For example, this fugitive was standing behind one of those falling log traps. When I walked into the hall, the logs started rolling and I simply took a few steps to the right to avoid them. However, upon seeing me enter the hall, this fugitive immediately charged forward on to the rolling logs, getting crushed and killed easily in the process.

I didn't even have to move.

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There is also this bow user who was too stupid to bring anything that would be effective in close combat.

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They did have a pet lion, though.

It was probably the most intelligent foe I face in the entire cave.

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Eventually, I make it to the final room.

Now where could that last fugitive be?

...Wait... what's that in the fire?

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HOLY SHIT

Was that fugitive cooking himself alive for no reason!?

I have to admit, that's badass.

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His combat skills, however? ...Much less badass.

And so all the fugitives have been eliminated.

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BACK TO CHEYDINHAL

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The pay sucks, but at least I can still make a fair profit selling looted armor.

What now?

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Hmm. Okay then. To Anvil, I guess.

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On my way to the guild hall I manage to get on top of a lamppost and stand on it like a ninja.

I felt this was worth mentioning for some reason.

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I don't know who that is but okay

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So all I have to do is make sure some researcher doesn't get killed?

That should be easy enough.

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The researcher is in a cave (BIG SURPRISE) a fair distance away from Anvil.

I make my way over there.

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That's probably her.

If it isn't, it raises quite a few questions.

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I've never really been a fan of Daedra.

I guess that's what happens when something is constantly trying to kill you.

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Let me guess. The cave is swarming with Daedra. You want me to punch them all until they stop moving.

As long as you don't do something stupid and get yourself killed, that should be easy.

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Whatever. Just don't run off ahead or anything.

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We start going through the cave and-

...Wait, why am I Still wearing that stupid hood?

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MUCH better!

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Anyway, it isn't long before there are DAEDRA EVERYWHERE!

Not nearly enough to pose a threat to me, but still-

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Wait, what the hell are you doing!? Don't charge in with a dagger like that, idiot! That is a good way to make yourself not alive anymore!

It isn't going to be easy defending you if you are freaking suicidal!




I fight my way through the rest of the cave, doing my best to protect the researcher from her own stupidity. Eventually, we make it to what appears to be the shrine.

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She gives me a book as thanks.

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It looks pretty boring.

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I take a glance at the first two pages and it reads like an awful romance novel.


Somehow looking at this makes me better at using swords.

Sometimes I really don't understand how things work.

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BACK TO ANVIL I GO

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Not nearly enough to make up for what a pain in the booty that was, but whatever. I don't do these missions for the rewards. I do them because I have nothing better to do.

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If only that promotion meant anything

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Oreyn again, huh?

At least I'll get to speak to someone competent.

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Superior Bacon
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Post by Superior Bacon »

setting yourself on fire is the manliest thing to do
[5:06:23 PM] Yeili: this is kind of cool, i've beaten a murderer in mario party.
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Badfish
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Post by Badfish »

They'll just fight uselessly to the death for no reason.
tsk tsk charlie, double negatives.

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