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Zink
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Post by Zink »

Crush Bandicoot wrote:That seems a bit... extreme. Aren't they just trying to help? A strongly worded request for them to leave could suffice.

Says the guy who randomly murders people just because.
It's only okay when he does it.

This is something you have to understand.

Zink
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Post by Zink »

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THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES.

Instead of searching for a new shrine, I decide to simply make myself some Black Soul Gems.

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I go to the alter I was previously sent to investigate back in my Mage's Guild days.

I'm supposed to wait for... some sort of light, right? I don't see it. I heard it only happens once a week or so.

There's only one thing to do.

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WAIT

FOR DAYS

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The days fly by like fire spells thrown by an angry wraith.

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I find myself simply standing in that one spot for days.

At least 6 of them.

Not moving.

Not thinking.

Just waiting.

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Oh hey look, it's the light!

FINALLY!

And there's also a necromancer!

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I kill him for old time's sake.

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Well, apparently, all I need to do is put some grand soul gems into this here alter and cast a soul trap spell on it.

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Hey, there's one already in here from that necromancer! How convenient for me!

I still decide to make some black gems of my own just in case I feel the need to capture someone's soul.

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I put all my empty grand soul gems in the alter and cast a soul trap spell like a million times.

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I make myself seven more soul gems.

I'm not sure who I'd ever want to soul trap, though.

I'm certainly not gonna waste these on the average enemy. No, I'm gonna save these for people who deserve to be magically binded to my equipment. Worthy foes and the like.

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I head to Vaermina's shrine to deliver the soul gem.

I wonder what crazy mission I'll be sent on this time?

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...We have?

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...Are you... are you implying that, when I go to sleep, you kidnap me, bring me to your house, sleep with me, and then put me back wherever I was before I wake up?

That's... really creepy.

I'm probably never going to sleep again, now.

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I really hope you mean that "dwell in your dreams" thing bodaciously.

It would be far preferable to the previously mentioned alternative.

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I'm pretty sure that taking something from someone's dream and bringing it into the real world is impossible but okay whatever.

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Sounds simple enough. How hard could it be to kill one wizard, right?

...Right?

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Here's the "tower". It looks more like a run down fort, but whatever I guess they are the same thing or something.

I left everyone but Velwyn behind again. I probably won't need their assistance anyway.

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Hmm.

There appears to be a rotting corpse inside the tower.

Not very reassuring.

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I suppose I should enter the ruins.

Someday I'd like to infiltrate an actual tower. Every time I seem to be told to, I just end up going to some ruins and then heading underground as usual.

I suppose that one Thieve's Guild heist counts, but that wasn't so much a tower as it was a palace.

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Hmm. Fairly nice place in here. Nice dining room.

Although, I must criticize the layout. Who has the entrance to their house located in the dining room? There should be a foyer or something.

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I decide to light a torch as well as use my usual illumination spell.

Now I can see EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIIING


I head a bit further into the fort, when suddenly...

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RAAAAAAAAAAAAANDOM ENCOUNTEEEEEEER

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VICTORY

Charlie gained 19283 exp
Velwyn gained 0 exp because nobody likes Velwyn

ITEMS DROPPED:

FROST SALTS
EBONY CLAYMORE

Charlie learned battle technique PUNCH TO THE FACE

Velwyn learned battle technique GET IN THE WAY AND BE USELESS




Well, that was simple. This is going to be a piece of cake, another cookie-cutter "each room like the last" ruin infiltration. Well, I'd better head to the next room,and get this test of monotony over-

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...with?

...This is not what ruins are usually like.

Not at all.

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Now that is a big drop. How far down does it go!?

There's no way this room was formed naturally. Something weird is going on here.

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These bridged look like they were taken straight from hell.

...I think they were taken straight from hell!

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I stumble across an expert alchemy-thingy.

I guess that's kinda useful.

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Why would anyone build this?

...How would anyone build this?

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Finally! A door!

Hopefully, that leads somewhere normal!

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...Orrrrr maybe it leads to "giant mutant vines coming out of the ground" land.

This is getting really weird. I should probably see what's up those stairs.

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Oh, just slightly disturbing amounts of blood painting the floor crimson.

That's not weird at all

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I think it says something when I can say completely honestly that the evil demons are the most normal thing in this place.

And the next room? Oh, it's just another dining room...

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WHERE EVERYTHING IS ENORMOUS

Except the demons. Thankfully.

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Behind one of the giant chairs, next to an enormous bookshelf, I find a tiny trapdoor leading to "Arkved's Oasis".

I'm probably going to regret this, but what the hell, I'll go through it. It isn't like I have anything to lose.

...Except my life.

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...This is not an oasis.

This doesn't even resemble an oasis.

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How does this place even exist? Where am I?

Was the trapdoor a portal to Oblivion or something?

Well, I see no reason to stay out here any longer than I have to. I'm going back into the main fort.

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I backtrack to the room with the vines and go through the other passageway. I find a door.

I go through the door and-

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WHOOPS OUT HERE AGA-

...Wait...

The trapdoor was located through a hallway that was up some stairs, right? And this door was located through a hallway that was below the hallway the trapdoor was located...

But it led to a place that was higher...

...Yep, the laws of physics are broken. There's no reason to try and make sense of anything anymore.

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...Wait. I think I've figured it out.

This wizard... he stole something form the Daedric Lord of dreams, right? So what if... what if I'm asleep and dreaming right now? Or sleep-walking? Or hallucinating? What if that first room, that dining room, was the only real room in this place, and the rest is just my subconscious messing with me, combined with the power of whatever the hell Arkved stole?

Well, I've come this far. Let's see how deep this labyrinth of nightmares goes.

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...A door that opens up into a wall. That's the best my subconscious could come with? Really? That's not creepy or unsettling, that's just bad architecture.

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Ah, rotting corpses on stone slabs. That's much better.

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In the center of the room I find a blood-stained trapdoor to "Arkved's Retreat".

If it's anything like his Oasis, it's probably nothing like the name implies. Only one way to find out!

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...That is a very lot of corpses.

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Well, this is... different, to say the least.

...I think I'll just be heading back up that rope ladder now.

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I continue making my way through the fortress. Only now I notice that Velwyn has disappeared somewhere along the lines. I remember last seeing him in the Oasis. Perhaps he'll be trapped in this land of dreams forever, or maybe he was never here to begin with. Only time will tell.

Either way, it's no big loss.

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Eventually, I make it to some sort of demonic bedroom.

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The man sleeping is Arkved, most likely trapped in his own dream world. Or perhaps this is his dream world.

I don't know, dreams are weird.

It probably doesn't matter anyway.

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If this strange note I find nearby is to be believed, Arkved is no more pleased about the state of his tower than I am.

Emo.

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I find the orb the same table as the aforementioned strange note, as well as a letter.

I take the orb and read the letter.

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TL;DR version: I AM BEING OVER-DRAMATIC AND DREAMS ARE SPECIAL OR SOMETHING BLAH BLAH BLAH

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I decide to kill Arkved on the way out.

Both out of boredom and out of some sort of revenge, since navigating this tower was kind of a huge pain in the booty.

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It turns out that Arkved's room had a trap door that led directly outside.

It would have been really nice to have known about that earlier.

Also, Velwyn is apparently still alive. I feel indifferent about this.

Well, nothing to do now but return the orb.

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Actually, he's sort of dead now. He doesn't have any more days to live out. Sorry.

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Your "token"? Like, a coin or something?

Sounds disappointing.

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Oh, it turns out that by "token" she meant "staff".

That doesn't even begin to make sense but, then again, she's kind of the Daedric Lord of dreams, so I don't think that she's supposed to make sense.

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It looks pretty neat.

I wonder what it does. Hmmmm... Hey! Velwyn! Get over here! Your assistance is needed!

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I fire the staff at Velwyn.

Another Velwyn immediately appears behind him.

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The two Velwyn's don't get along. Geez, even Velwyn hates Velwyn. There really isn't a single person that doesn't hate him in the entire world!

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The clone then gets pummeled unconscious by everyone ever, apparently the only thing in existence less popular than Velwyn himself.

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It then bursts into flames and disappears.

Huh. So it appears as though this staff creates an evil clone of someone for a short amount of time.

I... guess that could come in handy? Maybe?

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I dunno. I'm sure I'll find a use someday.

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Superior Bacon
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Post by Superior Bacon »

that is a fucking awesome looking staff
[5:06:23 PM] Yeili: this is kind of cool, i've beaten a murderer in mario party.
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Badfish
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Post by Badfish »

Get the Sanguine Rooooose

It's prettier.

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BurntToShreds
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Post by BurntToShreds »

Malum wrote:do the main quest and use the skull of courrption on Mehrunes Dagon.
Yes
That would be awesome
Burn 'em to shreds, tear 'em to ashes.

Zink
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Post by Zink »

It probably wouldn't work.

The Skull of Corruption doesn't work on "creatures", only NPCs, and I'm nearly positive that Merhunes Dagon is marked as a Creature (As anything that doesn't have the basic human "skeleton" is).

It doesn't even work on all NPCs. Guards, for example, are immune to it.

Master War
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Post by Master War »

His only in the creature faction if you have the Mehrunes Dagon DLC.

Zink
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Post by Zink »

Master War wrote:His only in the creature faction if you have the Mehrunes Dagon DLC.
I'm not talking about factions.

There are basically two kinds of entities in the game: NPCs and Creatures. An NPC is anything that shares the same skeleton and animations as the player character. A creature is anything that doesn't.

I'm almost positive I completely misused a bunch of terms in this post but I don't care.

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Fooflyer
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Post by Fooflyer »

sanguines quest is weird
its just OHOHOHO YOU'RE ALL IN YOUR UNDERWEAR NOW
CRIPES COUNTESS LOOKS LIKE I EMBARRASSED YOU
OH NO THE GUARDS

and then its scooby doo but with swords.

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Aranai
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Post by Aranai »

Fooflyer wrote:sanguines quest is weird
its just OHOHOHO YOU'RE ALL IN YOUR UNDERWEAR NOW
CRIPES COUNTESS LOOKS LIKE I EMBARRASSED YOU
OH NO THE GUARDS

and then its scooby doo but with swords.
This. This is the most beautiful, elegant description of an Oblivion quest to ever be written. You have my kudos, and my thanks.
[img]http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k205/Aranai/morrigandisapproves.png[/img]

Decker
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Post by Decker »

Zink wrote:I'm not talking about factions.

There are basically two kinds of entities in the game: NPCs and Creatures. An NPC is anything that shares the same skeleton and animations as the player character. A creature is anything that doesn't.

I'm almost positive I completely misused a bunch of terms in this post but I don't care.
Technically an NPC is anything in a virtual world which is not controlled by player input.

I get what you mean though.

Zink
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Post by Zink »

Decker wrote:
Zink wrote:I'm not talking about factions.

There are basically two kinds of entities in the game: NPCs and Creatures. An NPC is anything that shares the same skeleton and animations as the player character. A creature is anything that doesn't.

I'm almost positive I completely misused a bunch of terms in this post but I don't care.
Technically an NPC is anything in a virtual world which is not controlled by player input.

I get what you mean though.
I meant the Oblivion "definition" of NPC, not the actual real dictionary definition.

Although at this point we are probably making this more complicated than it needs to be.

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Post by Zink »

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Off to the next shrine, I suppose.

I managed to pick up some Cyrodilic Brandy on my travels, so I might as well go to Sanguine's shrine.

...Just as long as the "making love" thing doesn't get brought up again.

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I really hope I don't regret this.

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Actually, my existence really isn't all that drab. I murder people by punching them. It's good fun for all involved. Well, for me involved, anyway.

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How could a dinner party possibly be boring? Isn't food entertaining enough?

...That's an honest question. I never eat so I wouldn't know.

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So, sneak in, cast spell, and don't die. Simple enough.

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I soon arrive at the castle. Unfortunately, as usual, Velwyn insists on following me, which will probably make sneaking very difficult. I may have to resort to the kind of stealth that basically just involves killing everyone who sees you so they can't report your presence.

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This is the spell, in case you are wondering. It's called Stark Reality. The effect it causes is also called Stark Reality.

It also does a small amount of damage too I guess.

I guess I won't be able to discover it's main purpose until I actually use it.

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The dinner party is right behind this door.

I wonder if I can just walk in if I act casual enough...

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Dammit! I'll have to find another way through...

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Isn't there a secret passageway in the basement? Maybe there's a way in through there.

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It has to be around here somewhere...

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Yep! Here it is! A normal looking lever that opens a secret door!

Personally I feel that secret passageways are pointless and superfluous but that's just me.

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It's been a while since I was last in here. Didn't I go through here for a Thieve's Guild mission or something?

I'm still baffled as to why someone would have a secret torture chamber. How can you entertain your friends and family with some good old fashioned torture if the torture is done in secret?

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I'd mention how I don't think installing a secret door that leads to your quarters is a good idea either, but I think I've already well expressed the fact that I don't think anything in this castle makes any real sense.

Now, if I'm sneaky enough, I might be able to...

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DIAFJSOIFJDAMMIT!

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I deal with the guard the only way I know how.

Phew, that was close. I don't think anyone else heard the battle, though, so I should be safe for now. I don't think I even got much of a bounty!

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I stealthily make my way through the castle, until, eventually, I arrive at...

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...right...back... where I started.




..dammit.

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Screw it, I'm just gonna kill that guard and see if I can open the door with him dead.

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...On second thought, maybe starting a fight in a castle swarming with guards was not a very good idea.

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Some orc with a daedric sword comes to my aid for some reason.

I'm not quite sure why.

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She doesn't last very long against the legions of guards.


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I, however, do.

I guess pretty much everyone is dead now.

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I decide to take that Orc's armor so I can sell it later. That way her death would not have been in vain or something, I don't know.

I mostly just want some extra cash.

I head to the door AND...

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...I still can't open it.



It's like the entire world works together to make sure that nothing I ever try to do can ever be simple.

...Maybe I should try talking my way in, or something.

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Anyway, I step out of the castle, kill every guard outside, and go to the Imperial City.

...Is... is that guy trying to take a guard's pulse by feeling his butt!?

...Yeah I'm just gonna get out of here now.

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I figure the guards of Castle Leyawiin will be more likley to listen to me if I don't have a bounty on my head.


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I walk back into the castle, hoping that everyone has forgotten about how I just finished killing like 9 or 10 people for no real reason.

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Well, all I have to do is wait for another guard to show up so I can convince him to let me in.

I estimate it should only take about... three days.

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I'D BETTER GET TO WAITIN'!





THREE DAYS LATER

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What... the... HEEEEEEEELLLLLLL!

Don't they ever hire replacements in this place!? Do they prefer to just LET THE BODIES OF THE SLAIN SIMPLY ROT ON THE PALACE FLOOR!?

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(Anyway guys I think maybe killing the guard bugged the quest.

So I decided to open up the console and be a cheater-pants.

Shush.

At first I tried "CREATEFULLACTORCOPY", but the cloned guard just acted like a normal guard, so I used the resurrect command instead, which worked like I had expected.

NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED IN-CHARACTER LET'S PLAY)

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Finally! It's about time a replacement showed up!

Now all I have to do is talk him into letting me in the party. It probably won't be easy...

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...That's it? That's all I had to do?

THAT'S

IT!?


I didn't even have to persuade the guy! Are you telling me that all that bullshit I went through was for nothing!?

AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH

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Oh well, at least I'm in now.

I'm a bit surprised that the Count isn't here, though. You'd think he'd attend his wife's dinner party. Maybe he's too busy or something.

Time to find out what this mysterious spell does...

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Well, it's certainly doing... something. They're all getting up.

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I wonder what- oh my god everyone is naked what is this

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Well uh

It appears as though everyone is rather upset with me.

...It looks like I may have to kill a few more people today.

Which would be simple, were it not for the fact that...

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...I'M NAKED TOO!

Also Velwyn seems kind of angry too.

Looks like I have some naked fighting to do...

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Thank god I specialize in barehanded combat, or else this might have been difficult for me.


Also I might have maybe kinda sorta accidentally killed the Countess.

Just a little bit.

...Whoops.

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Soon everyone in the room is either dead or unconscious.

I can't help but be slightly surprised that the Countess was the only one out of the five people attending the party that wasn't immune to dying.

It seems like it should be the other way around.

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But enough about that, I just humiliated and murdered the Countess, killed several guards, and I am almost completely naked.

I will probably have to fight my way out of the city, killing everyone in my path.

Probably.

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I am somehow still able to block the very sharp swords the guards swing at me despite my severe lack of armor.

I guess my hands are just immune to getting sliced off or something.

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There is a lot of fighting.

The guards are very displeased with me.

Which I guess is understandable, considering I just streaked out of the castle.




...OH! And I also murdered that Countess. They're probably upset about that too.

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The guards seem to be, for some reason, only be firing arrows at my crotch area.

THAT IS VERY IMMATURE.




AND ALSO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL

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I get my revenge, though.

I don't need no clothes to kill a few useless guards.

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Whelp, now all I have to do is streak my way out of the city and kill anyone in my way.

Simple enough.

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*GASP* A GUARD!

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...Oh wait, it was just a civilian.

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One who was apparently also a member of the Thieve's Guild considering I immediately got kicked out as soon as I killed him.

OH WELL.

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I keep moving and end up killing a beggar, too.

ONCE AGAIN

OH WELL

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I slaughter my way through a few more guards and finally make it to the city gates.

I'm probably never going to be able to ever show my face in Leyawiin again after this. The Count's probably going to go a bit crazy with the wanted posters, seeing as how I kind of humiliated and then killed his wife and all that.

Good thing I have plenty of masks!

...Or, I did, anyway, before my inventory disappeared due to the spell that caused this whole thing in the first place....

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Glad that's over with!

Now I just have to walk across Half of Cyrodiil all the way to Sanguine's Shrine without wearing any clothes!




ONE VERY AWKWARD JOURNEY LATER

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Well, that wasn't so bad. I mean, sure, I got some strange looks from a few travelers, and that one old lady looked like she was going to throw up, but, I mean, I didn't have to kill anybody.

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I killed dozens of people, including the Countess herself, and walked naked all back here.

I DO NOT THINK THAT CONSTITUTES "LIGHTENING UP"

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Yeah, listen, somehow I knew that helping you was going to result in something stupid and embarrassing.

AND LOOK AT THAT.

I WAS RIGHT.

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...Eh, at least I get some sort of magical staff out of the whole thing.

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It's called the Sanguine Rose.

It looks like a rose.

How original.

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I decide to test it on that one lady sitting on the bench over there.

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A Daedra then appears out of nowhere and starts attacking her.

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There is CHAOS and BLOODSHED

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In the end all of the followers are dead.

I never thought I'd have to kill this many people while naked before.

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I really don't like being naked. I think I'll get all my stuff back now.

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Yep, that's my inventory all right.

(Oh, and by the way? You know how with things like evidence chests you just interact with them and it instantly adds all the items back to your inventory? Not this chest. You have to click every single item one at a time. Every single key. Every single book. Every single scroll. EVERYTHING.

AND INVENTORIES ARE REALLY BIG IN OBLIVION

IT TOOK FOREVEEEEEER)

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Well, that was... interesting, to say the least.


I will probably never want to be naked ever again.

Ever.

(And yeah I realize that I should should be wearing the Savior's Hide, I just made a MISTAKE because I am HUMAN.

Also in case you haven't figured it out, I've been putting everything that is not supposed to be said by Charlie and is meant to be said by me (basically everything OOC) in parenthesis

So uh, keep that in mind I guess)
Last edited by Zink on Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Darkin
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Post by Darkin »

You coulda just clicked the take all button.
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Zink
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Post by Zink »

Darkin wrote:You coulda just clicked the take all button.
...Derp

I have never noticed that button before somehow

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