Off to the next shrine, I suppose.
I managed to pick up some Cyrodilic Brandy on my travels, so I might as well go to Sanguine's shrine.
...Just as long as the "making love" thing doesn't get brought up again.
I really hope I don't regret this.
Actually, my existence really isn't all that drab. I murder people by punching them. It's good fun for all involved. Well, for me involved, anyway.
How could a dinner party possibly be boring? Isn't food entertaining enough?
...That's an honest question. I never eat so I wouldn't know.
So, sneak in, cast spell, and don't die. Simple enough.
I soon arrive at the castle. Unfortunately, as usual, Velwyn insists on following me, which will probably make sneaking very
difficult. I may have to resort to the kind of stealth that basically just involves killing everyone who sees you so they can't report your presence.
This is the spell, in case you are wondering. It's called Stark Reality. The effect it causes is also
called Stark Reality.
It also does a small amount of damage too I guess.
I guess I won't be able to discover it's main purpose until I actually use it.
The dinner party is right behind this door.
I wonder if I can just walk in if I act casual enough...
Dammit! I'll have to find another way through...
Isn't there a secret passageway in the basement? Maybe there's a way in through there.
It has to be around here somewhere...
Yep! Here it is! A normal looking lever that opens a secret door!
Personally I feel that secret passageways are pointless and superfluous but that's just me.
It's been a while since I was last in here. Didn't I go through here for a Thieve's Guild mission or something?
I'm still baffled as to why someone would have a secret
torture chamber. How can you entertain your friends and family with some good old fashioned torture if the torture is done in secret
I'd mention how I don't think installing a secret door that leads to your quarters is a good idea either, but I think I've already well expressed the fact that I don't think anything in this castle makes any real sense.
Now, if I'm sneaky enough, I might be able to...
I deal with the guard the only way I know how.
Phew, that was close. I don't think anyone else heard the battle, though, so I should be safe for now. I don't think I even got much of a bounty!
I stealthily make my way through the castle, until, eventually, I arrive at...
...right...back... where I started.
Screw it, I'm just gonna kill that guard and see if I can open the door with him dead.
...On second thought, maybe starting a fight in a castle swarming with guards was not a very good idea.
Some orc with a daedric sword comes to my aid for some reason.
I'm not quite sure why.
She doesn't last very long against the legions of guards.
I, however, do.
I guess pretty much everyone is dead now.
I decide to take that Orc's armor so I can sell it later. That way her death would not have been in vain or something, I don't know.
I mostly just want some extra cash.
I head to the door AND...
...I still can't open it.
It's like the entire world works together to make sure that nothing I ever try to do can ever be simple.
...Maybe I should try talking
my way in, or something.
Anyway, I step out of the castle, kill every guard outside, and go to the Imperial City.
...Is... is that guy trying to take a guard's pulse by feeling his butt
...Yeah I'm just gonna get out of here now.
I figure the guards of Castle Leyawiin will be more likley to listen to me if I don't have a bounty on my head.
I walk back into the castle, hoping that everyone has forgotten about how I just finished killing like 9 or 10 people for no real reason.
Well, all I have to do is wait for another guard to show up so I can convince him to let me in.
I estimate it should only take about... three days.
I'D BETTER GET TO WAITIN'!
THREE DAYS LATER
What... the... HEEEEEEEELLLLLLL!
Don't they ever
in this place!? Do they prefer to just LET THE BODIES OF THE SLAIN SIMPLY ROT ON THE PALACE FLOOR!?
(Anyway guys I think maybe killing the guard bugged the quest.
So I decided to open up the console and be a cheater-pants.
At first I tried "CREATEFULLACTORCOPY", but the cloned guard just acted like a normal guard, so I used the resurrect command instead, which worked like I had expected.
NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED IN-CHARACTER LET'S PLAY)
It's about time a replacement showed up!
Now all I have to do is talk him into letting me in the party. It probably won't be easy...
...That's it? That's all I had to do?
I didn't even have to persuade
the guy! Are you telling me that all that bullshit
I went through was for nothing!?
Oh well, at least I'm in now.
I'm a bit surprised that the Count isn't here, though. You'd think he'd attend his wife's dinner party. Maybe he's too busy or something.
Time to find out what this mysterious spell does...
Well, it's certainly doing... something. They're all getting up.
I wonder what- oh my god everyone is naked what is this
It appears as though everyone is rather upset with me.
...It looks like I may have to kill a few more people today.
Which would be simple, were it not for the fact that...
...I'M NAKED TOO!
Also Velwyn seems kind of angry too.
Looks like I have some naked fighting to do...
Thank god I specialize in barehanded combat, or else this might have been difficult
Also I might
have maybe kinda sorta
accidentally killed the Countess.
Just a little bit.
Soon everyone in the room is either dead or unconscious.
I can't help but be slightly surprised that the Countess was the only one out of the five people attending the party that wasn't immune to dying.
It seems like it should be the other way around.
But enough about that, I just humiliated and murdered the Countess, killed seve
ral guards, and I am almost completely naked.
I will probably
have to fight my way out of the city, killing everyone in my path.
I am somehow still able to block the very sharp swords the guards swing at me despite my severe lack of armor.
I guess my hands are just immune to getting sliced off or something.
There is a lot of fighting.
The guards are very displeased with me.
Which I guess is understandable, considering I just streaked out of the castle.
...OH! And I also murdered that Countess. They're probably upset about that too.
The guards seem to be, for some reason, only be firing arrows at my crotch area.
THAT IS VERY IMMATURE.
AND ALSO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL
I get my revenge, though.
I don't need no clothes to kill a few useless guards.
Whelp, now all I have to do is streak my way out of the city and kill anyone in my way.
*GASP* A GUARD!
...Oh wait, it was just a civilian.
One who was apparently also a member of the Thieve's Guild considering I immediately got kicked out as soon as I killed him.
I keep moving and end up killing a beggar, too.
I slaughter my way through a few more guards and finally make it to the city gates.
I'm probably never going to be able to ever show my face in Leyawiin again after this. The Count's probably going to go a bit crazy with the wanted posters, seeing as how I kind of humiliated and then killed his wife and all that.
Good thing I have plenty of masks!
...Or, I did, anyway, before my inventory disappeared due to the spell that caused this whole thing in the first place....
Now I just have to walk across Half of Cyrodiil all the way to Sanguine's Shrine without wearing any clothes!
ONE VERY AWKWARD JOURNEY LATER
Well, that wasn't so bad. I mean, sure, I got some strange looks from a few travelers, and that one old lady looked like she was going to throw up, but, I mean, I didn't have to kill
I killed dozens of people, including the Countess herself, and walked naked all back here.
I DO NOT THINK THAT CONSTITUTES "LIGHTENING UP"
Yeah, listen, somehow I knew that helping you was going to result in something stupid and embarrassing.
AND LOOK AT THAT.
I WAS RIGHT.
...Eh, at least I get some sort of magical staff out of the whole thing.
It's called the Sanguine Rose.
It looks like a rose.
I decide to test it on that one lady sitting on the bench over there.
A Daedra then appears out of nowhere and starts attacking her.
There is CHAOS and BLOODSHED
In the end all of the followers are dead.
I never thought I'd have to kill this
many people while naked before.
I really don't like being naked. I think I'll get all my stuff back now.
Yep, that's my inventory all right.
(Oh, and by the way? You know how with things like evidence chests you just interact with them and it instantly adds all the items back to your inventory? Not this chest. You have to click every single item
one at a time. Every single key. Every single book. Every single scroll. EVERYTHING.
AND INVENTORIES ARE REALLY BIG IN OBLIVION
IT TOOK FOREVEEEEEER)
Well, that was... interesting, to say the least.
I will probably never want to be naked ever again.
(And yeah I realize that I should should be wearing the Savior's Hide, I just made a MISTAKE because I am HUMAN.
Also in case you haven't figured it out, I've been putting everything that is not supposed to be said by Charlie and is meant to be said by me (basically everything OOC) in parenthesis
So uh, keep that in mind I guess)