AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Marines shit in the shower and just use their foot to squish it down the drain.

Marines are a bunch of crazy fucks.

Mete wrote:Anyone got any period/diarrhea stories to share? Gotta get the new guy to curse his morbid curiosity.

Shoot, I ain't scared a no ghosts.

Here's a cool tale.

When I got my appendix removed a few years ago, the medication they gave me during my stay overnight at the hospital gave me a pretty gnarly upset stomach. Around four in the morning, I woke up from a feverish dream and had to use the bathroom.

However, seeing as I just had surgery on my abdomen a few hours ago, I couldn't really get out of bed. So, I paged a nurse to come in and help me sit up, all the while, clenching my butt-hole super tight as to not let anything out. I staggered to the toilet with her help and almost couldn't sit down because my stomach muscles were so daisies sore, but, I managed to sit down JUST in time to open the sewer gates as she shut the door.

Feeling super relieved, somewhat embarrassed and all together proud, I thought it was over, so I went to wipe.

As I bent over to get the toilet paper, my gut churned in a manner not related to bowel movements.
I tried to stand up so I could position myself properly, but I couldn't get up off the toilet.

As I puked, I attempted to aim my projectile vomit into the little space between my legs and junk into the toilet, I felt like the dirtiest dude in the world, coated in my own bile and still, not wiped.

I crawled into the shower, showered sitting down, toweled myself off, paged the super nice nurse to help me up one last time and then passed the fuck out after she and I laughed a bit.

Your offering pleases the TMI thread.

This kid will fit in here.

agreed, Saint.

Madican wrote:Marines shit in the shower and just use their foot to squish it down the drain.

Ohg od ew ew erw ewsm,dnfkladbngjkbefjkgegkhnklegn

WHY
WOULD YOU WANT TO SHIT INT HE SHOWER WHEN IT MEANS TOUCHING YOUR OWN FECAL MATTER
THATS JUST GROSS

Haha my appendicitis story is so much better.


I was six years old and when I was in the hospital for my like three day recovery stay after surgery I caught something awful and was there for 2 weeks and seriously almost died.

After 2 weeks they had to teach me how/train me to walk again. Imagine that. A six year old boy attached to IV bags holding onto the pole thing that holds that bags and shuffling slowly down the hallway.

possibly most depressing thing I've ever posted on AZ, now that I think about it.
MY CHILDHOOD

hahaha

I had to do the IV shuffle once. in august actually.
I had just gotten up from a really bad sleep at the hospital when i was in Germany. and I had to pee.
got up and peed
slipped on my shoes and decided to go exploring.

some people gave me really sad looks when the saw me shuffle past in daves slippers because they were too huge on me.

were you six years old

i think I out-sadden you in this competition

yes.
yes you did.
I was 18

Ive never had anythignt hat sad happen to me, Turtle.

When I was 11 I fell on gravel and needed a total of 12 stitches in my knees

When I was 9 I sliced my thumb open and needed two stiches

When I was 10 I sliced another finger open and was like FUCK THAT NO MORE STITCHES so mom made me a splint out of popsicle sticks and gauze galore and it turned out fine.

ALSO I GOT HIT BY A CAR WHEN I WAS 10

and then nothing else happened since then, really.

My medical history is entirely in my childhood, now that I think about it.

[Citation Needed] wrote:Haha my appendicitis story is so much better.


I was six years old and when I was in the hospital for my like three day recovery stay after surgery I caught something awful and was there for 2 weeks and seriously almost died.

After 2 weeks they had to teach me how/train me to walk again. Imagine that. A six year old boy attached to IV bags holding onto the pole thing that holds that bags and shuffling slowly down the hallway.

possibly most depressing thing I've ever posted on AZ, now that I think about it.
MY CHILDHOOD

Same thing happened to me when I had mine out. Except I was 9, and they had to remove part of my intestines as a secondary operation because, surprise, it wasn't my appendix.

Had to do laps, and I always did them quicker than they wanted me to do them because I had Mario Party to play.

Mario Party: more important than walking

Oh god I severely need some new razors... This one's getting dull to the point of being nearly unusable. I miss feeling smooth all over.

Mete wrote:Mario Party: more important than walking

I did the laps, they just wanted me to do them slowly "just in case".

Except, you know, I was 9, I knew I could do them in like half of the time, and there was Mario Party on the line that needed getting to.

I have to concur. When you're 9, video games are more important than pretty much everything.