AWKWARD ZOMBIE

This isn't necessarily directed at any AZ members due to past offenses. More of a humorous (not really) don't-be-a-douchenugget daily calendar. These are bound to get more snarky and sarcastic as time goes on.

The first day will have several, as sort of a grand opening. All of the entries will fall under one of the three categories.

AUGUST 12 (or close enough)


Douchewaffles Ahoy
Just because someone works in a grocery store doesn't mean they're a low-level dropout moron. Do not assume such things. Half of them are working to pay things off while in school, and nearly all of them are just as smart as you, regardless of whether or not you make six figures (and somehow can't do basic math).


Don't Be That Guy:
Paying for 27 dollars worth of groceries in pennies and nickels in the Express Lane on a busy day will get you shanked by fellow customers, and may actually have a city ordinance against it. I don't know if that last part is actually true, but God, I wish it was.


Whoever Said There Are No Stupid Questions Needs To Be Shot:
Your cashier should not have to explain to you, step by step how to pay for your groceries if you're over the age of six. Read the damned instructions on the machine if you're really having trouble.

I am monitoring this...

Haha, Explotaro and I need to do a food service version of this. Most of them would be similar, though.

Really they all boil down to "don't be a retarded asshat".

See.also: Retail Robin

Its never worth getting enraged over a mistake.

The Big Cheese wrote:See.also: Retail Robin

These are some from my personal cart pusher experience.

The Millionth-and-first Funny Person
Just because something pops into your head, does not mean it's funny. You should consider the fact that they might have heard it at least a hundred times this day alone. If it's something you've heard people say on TV you need to be taken out back and shot.

How do people not know how to pay for things.

Some of the machines here are fucking annoying (need to push a button first, need to get authorized to swipe your card, etc.), especially in the Lowe's here where all of them are right by the windows and you're fucking blinded trying to read it (which is the main problem).

The one thing I learned from working at a bookstore

Please don't don't be that customer drools all over yourself, has cracked and back fingernails, complains about being sick all the time and unable to find work despite only ever coming in to buy tobacco and being all around creepy as fuck

I know this lady who throws a bitch fit about having to tip on the service and says she should onyl have to tip on the food.
It's funny, it really is. Last time she ordered it was a 26 cent price difference. She's fighting it so much, she still payed it, but she was just goign against me so much. And in the end says that I'm making such a big deal over 26 cents, when all I said is "It's company poicy mam, I can't put the tip under ten percent."
I mean, it's not like he's using his own gas to bring you your food or anything.

Other favorites include "Did you find everything okay?" "I think I found a little TOO much hyuck hyuck" and "Oh, boy! A whole penny back! I wonder what else I should buy with this, eh? Eh?"

The Big Cheese wrote:See.also: Retail Robin

I didn't know that was a thing.

Sharing the link for everyone.

http://fuckyeahretailrobin.tumblr.com/