The Dating Stories/Progress thread

[Reyo]

That's because it's a fallocy which just leads to the inehitable "fatal attraction" effect.

[shazza]

kyle is an extrovery and i'm an introvert, but we like all the same things and essentially make up for the flaws of one another. so in our case "opposites attract" was true and also beneficial and not annoying/fake at all

[Reyo]

That's probably because the whole "extroverted vs introverted" thing is the only difference between the two of you. Chances are you're not going to find someone who's EXACTLY like you, but as long as they're 99.99% similar that other 00.01% is just fine.

Then again, there's also the pessimistic explanation that takes into account how long you two have, or haven't been together. You two are fine now, but suddenly, a month from now, you notice he get's slightly annoyed whenever he wants to go out and you don't. Or you notice yourself getting annoyed when he wants to go out "for, like, the 10th time this goddamn week!"

Besides, the "opposites attract rule" states that his extrovertion is what attracted you to him in the first place. That the only reason you're dating him is BECAUSE he's extroverted, and you're not.

[SaintCrazy]

There are some differences that can be refreshing, like extroversion vs. introversion - one person might be looking for someone who's talkative and interesting, while the other might need someone they can relax and be alone with, or whatever.

Other differences don't work out so well, such as liking different activities.

[Sollix]

Theres a guy in my philosophy class who likes staring at me then lookign away quickly when I notice.

He did this on friday and smiled really huge like and stuff.

[shazza]

Then again, there's also the pessimistic explanation that takes into account how long you two have, or haven't been together. You two are fine now, but suddenly, a month from now, you notice he get's slightly annoyed whenever he wants to go out and you don't. Or you notice yourself getting annoyed when he wants to go out "for, like, the 10th time this goddamn week!"

luckily i'm the introvert that can quite genuinely enjoy social contact but FUCK will i be exhausted at the end of it. strangely though he's very content to stay home during the week, and by the weekend we both are like MUST GET OUT OF APARTMENT


i do agree though that the rule kinda means that the opposing features are what are attractive. reminds me of a teen movie where the jock and the nerdy girl get together coz she has a makeover and is suddenly ~gorgeous and its like you have nothing in common this will not end well

[Reyo]

Well, that's not quite an example of that. That's a jock realizing how hot someone is and going for it BECAUSE she's hot. The fatal attraction would be if he went for her because "she's into such exotic hobbies (the nerd stuff)" and the relationship fails because, by the end of it, he can't stand the fact that "she's too obnoxious with all of this nerd stuff (the aformentioned "exotic hobbies")." Were it an issue of "fatal attraction", they'd have been going out well before the makeover.

The opposing features are what cause the initial attraction, and ultimately doom the relationship. Here are some stereotypical examples:

Age
"He's so wise!" vs "He's too old!"

Different interests
"She's interested in such exotic stuff!" vs "We have nothing in common!"

Engrossing career (even)
"He has such an important occupation!" vs "He's never home!"

So while your relationship with your boyfriend/fiancé/husband (I can't keep track of everyone, my apologies) may have that difference in introversion vs extroversion, it's sounding less like it's an exception to that rule, and more like you two attracted each other despite having this difference.

And to be honest, introversion/extroversion isn't too powerful a condemning force either. Introversion, for example, isn't an active avoidance of social interaction. That's called a social phobia. It's a preference for more secluded activities over stereotypical social activities. It doesn't mean you can't thrive, or even enjoy, those social activities. What it means is, given a choice between going to a party, and staying in and reading a book, reading a book just naturally sounds more enticing to you.

I think someone else put it better though, to say that the main difference is introverts absorb energy from social interaction whereas extroverts expel energy through social interaction...

It makes sense, though, because if I'm just horribly underwhelmed, I'll HAVE to get out of the apartment, or risk going crazy. So maybe it's just that you expel all of your energy during the work week, and have to build it back up on the weekend, where the opposite is true for your significant other.

[shazza]

I've always considered the jock/makeover girl trope to be a bit of a fatal attraction because the only reason they're together is she's hot and they probably won't get along well (i mean maybe! but it rarely works in reality.) "She never wants to go anywhere because she's painting" "All he cares about is football" etc.


I don't find intro/extroversion terribly powerful either but again, but apparently it can be a problem when one person is a party animal and the other is a bookworm and they never are willing to do what the other likes. Not out of social phobia but just that feeling of ehhhhhh i just don't waaaant to (which I find myself feeling a lot haha.)

Recently the R&D department of Kyle's (who is my husband - I have a title for reference if you forget haha) job took personality tests and one of his mates got the same result I did - INTJ, and our descriptions of our introvertism are vastly different. While I genuinely enjoy social activity but are exhausted by it and need to "recharge" in the form of a nap or just quiet time afterwards, he described it a learned ability to interact, and that most of his interactions are forced and/or fake whenever he's with a group and the act of faking exhausts him. which sounds like a bit more than introvertism to me, but i wonder how many others feel the same way? i honestly don't know any other introverts other than my parents and this guy. i was quite the outcast growing up because of it. i would thing that my variety would be less opposing to an extrovert whereas his would be and possibly cause problems?

i don't really try to understand how we work together we just do haha. we consistently come up as almost exact opposites on every kind of personality test thing, but as i said we kind of make up for one another's faults (and this isn't just in/ex faults i mean like he's spontaneous and gets himself in trouble that way and i'm super gotta have it all planned so if my plans fail he can come up with a solution immediately so i stop panicking, and i keep him from getting into a hole by not planning, etc.) and it just works.

basically my point is i've always understood the adage to be meaning opposites in personality, not necessarily interests. which i think is also what you've been saying...have we been debating on the side of the same thing? ahhaa

[Reyo]

It seems like we've been discussing more the semantics of the vocabulary than anything. In reality, relationships (and personalities to be honest) are a smidgen more complicated than anything I can channel from class. Like, aparently, my family has a history of reltionships that work perfectly fine, but from the outside they look terrible. (Like my grandparents went into couples therapy, and the conclusion was reached that they need to stay together because "they're the only ones who can stand each other.")

I guess in the end that's what it comes down to...if the two of you can stand each other.

[shazza]

that is essentially what marriage is

two people standing one another

some do it better than others :P haha

[luroberto]

Theres a guy in my philosophy class who likes staring at me then lookign away quickly when I notice.

He did this on friday and smiled really huge like and stuff.

Don't brush your teeth for a week and then smile back at him.

[Kamak]

Do one better. cover some of your teeth in black die/black covers or whatever the hell, and maybe some yellow corn for better effect, and smile at him. Watch as he loses his shit.

[Tammerath]

He's trying okay

Poor guy

[SaintCrazy]

"Maybe if I can just stare at her long enough, I'll finally be able to make the psychic connection necessary to plant the idea in her mind that she likes me."

boom 100 page get

[TerraChimaera]

Meep

So I like another guy who is older than me over the internets, except we know each others ages this time (he's 16).
We both know fully well about ILLEGAL and such, so it's pretty much a forced friendzone (not that I expected it to go beyond the "friend" phase anyway).

He thinks I'm sweet, though. .//u//.