AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I know what you mean ...
First off, don't worry, of course we know you're not pleading for attention. We're here for you (as some of you were here when I felt awful) and we're doing our best to help you feel better.
I think the first step would be working on one of your skill so you can get good at it. It can be cooking or writing or drawing, for me it was storytelling, for one of my friends it was fencing, it can be anything as long as you like to do it. Work hard on it, get better, because there's no greater feeling than seeing yourself getting good at something. Whenever you feel like eating, work on your thing. Whenever you feel like curling in a ball, work on your thing. If you achieve that, then a lot of good feeling will follow : you'll have done something with your own will, you'll be better than the others at one thing. Plus, every activity gives you opportunity to meet new people, to make new friends, and you've never got too many friends (particularly when you suffer from depression).
That's only my opinion, of course, but from what I've seen so far it works.

For at least 5+ years now I've been extremely paranoid of other peoples perceptions of me to the point where I don't feel comfortable doing certain things even if no one is around, like drawing anything with emotion in it, exploring certain thoughts/feelings, or generally expressing myself at all.

I spend a ton of time worrying about some of my more unconventional views even though it's stuff that affects bodaciously no one, and it drives me insane. Don't know how to just stop fretting about it and stop being so vain.

Sometimes I wonder if despair is the natural state of the human mind, and any fleeting sense of happiness or contentment is just our subconscious trying to keep us from blowing our brains out for one more day so maybe we'll be around to sprwad out genes for just a little while longer.

Whats the point? Whats the point of anything?

The fact that everything I will ever do will be forgotten because the Universe is going to end and there is nothing we can do about it is actually something that lets me do things I enjoy and justify it, but it still makes me a little sad.

As of five minutes ago, I lost my opportunity to get into the School of Music. One of my references didn't get his letter of recommendation in on time. They won't even look at my application now.

Which means this entire semester has been a complete waste.

wait, really?

Yeah. The application was due October 15, which I did on time, but you also need three letters of recommendation, due October 25. I managed to contact three people who agreed to write letters for me, and two of them got them in on time. I sent three e-mails to the last one reminding him about it. And he never answers his phone, so that wouldn't have gotten me anywhere either. The only way I managed to talk to him about the letter was because I saw him in person at my friend's wedding. My application won't even be considered now.

Well that's stupid. Is their music program really so overloaded that they need that much qualification?

Marcato wrote:As of five minutes ago, I lost my opportunity to get into the School of Music. One of my references didn't get his letter of recommendation in on time. They won't even look at my application now.

Which means this entire semester has been a complete waste.

You shouldn't give up that easily. Call the school and explain the situation. They won't necessarily be so strict that they won't accept the letter(s) a little late if you say something about it. It shows that you actually give a shit and really want to be in the school. They'll appreciate that you didn't just give up and crawl up into a ball without trying.

ugh. I hate how a bad morning can just ruin the rest of my day.

I told my dad about rhinocerocket and me and he was really nonchalant about it. I was kind of hoping he'd be pop flyin' for me, since everyone in my family knows her and they all really like her.

Maybe he just kinda expected it to happen, parents tend to be pretty observant about that sorta thing.

This week I'm gonna sleep over succesively at the houses of my two crushes. Aaaaand they're both going out with another boy. Not at all going to have a frustrating week, NOT AT ALL.

SaintCrazy wrote:Maybe he just kinda expected it to happen, parents tend to be pretty observant about that sorta thing.

I don't know, he usually likes to tease me about girls I like, or at least talk to me about it a little. This time, I just told him about us and how we had our first date yesterday, and he more or less said "OK" and changed topics.

Been thinking of telling my dad about my severe depression and maybe something good will happen from it but I don't have the slightest clue how to bring it up. I also don't want anyone to act as if my limb just got cut off and I have a bleeding stump.