AWKWARD ZOMBIE

This is happening fairly early considering the fact that I'm 16, 17 in a few months.

Honestly I would say it has to do a lot with your age and hormones. A lot of people your age have issues with their emotions and how to process feelings. If you feel particularly upset by anything happening to you or things you might be feeling, I'd suggest talking to a parent of trusted family member about it and maybe seeking help from a counselor or something. It makes dealing with those things so much easier to deal with when you have an understanding friend or professional to talk to about it.

I think too deeply into things. Like, today I started thinking about all the less smart people in my school that will probably work minimum wage jobs until the day they die and it kinda depressed me to think that the majority of them will probably struggle for most of their lives and not really get to enjoy it. Then it made me think of my younger siblings, especially my brother. I live in a dominantly white southern area and my little brother is 50% black and I'm just worried that once he gets to middle and high school that he'll have to go through a lot of shit dealing with some of the more racist people here and stuff and it just saddens me. He also has really bad teeth (two of his front teeth never came in) so he'll probably get picked on a lot for that later on and stuff and it just makes me feel like shit to know I won't be able to really help him because I don't plan on living anywhere near here within the next few years. People just suck sometimes.

Uh just because you're not the best and brightest at school doesn't mean you're destined to mediocrity for the rest of your life. I know decorated college graduates who work retail and I know people who never went to college who have opened their own successful businesses.

Well yea I know that, but some of them will probably end up badly, and since I don't know which ones will it makes me worry over all of them.

EDIT: I would also like to clarify a bit more. Like, I don't just mean people that aren't smart, I meant the people that don't do anything and have no strive to do well and just think of the present. I don't know, it's hard to explain what I mean really.

My turtle has been acting really depressed lately. Just sitting in the corner of his tank, not swimming at all. I decided to release him so that he might be pop flyin' and have something to do, but I don't want to. It's the right thing to do and I'm going to, but I really don't want to let him go. I'll never see him again, and it makes me sad that I have to do this, but it's what's better.

Misterme7 wrote:My turtle has been acting really depressed lately. Just sitting in the corner of his tank, not swimming at all. I decided to release him so that he might be pop flyin' and have something to do, but I don't want to. It's the right thing to do and I'm going to, but I really don't want to let him go. I'll never see him again, and it makes me sad that I have to do this, but it's what's better.

Just a note, but releasing a turtle into the wild is probably not a good idea. If he's a non-native species, it can cause problems (for him or for the environment), and in many places it may be illegal. If he's lived in captivity his whole life, he might not be suited for life in the wild.

If he seems bored, try rearranging the stuff in his tank, including adding new things/removing the things he's used to. Maybe try moving his tank to another part of the room, or another room entirely. If you do try these things, do it in stages so you don't completely shock him. Animals need variety just like people do. Giving him something different might help.

If that fails, there might be a health issue going on, and you might need to see a vet. I know herp vets can be hard to find in some cities but it might be worth it.

You seem really sad and I don't want you to have to lose your pet if there's anything that can be done to help. Give some of these things a try before you give up entirely.

I really should stop by the career center to fix my resume but I just get so disheartened thinking about my future. I don't know if I should settle for finding some easy job somewhere or "follow my dreams", which is difficult because my dreams involve playing videogames all day.

Maybe I'll go into gaymen jurrnalism, they might be okay with a Bio major signing on.

Weekends make me feel like shit. None of my friends are really available to talk to and I've got nothing to do and I just feel sad. I even started texting my ex and that ended up just making me feel worse. I need a hobby or something.

Got rejected, finally.

It was about time; we'd been interacting for long enough that if something was going to happen it would have already, and she's known I had a thing for her for over a month now. It had gotten to the point where I was anxious about it more than I particularly liked her.

Still sad it happened, though. Can't help but look back at things I felt were missteps and wonder if it might have gone differently.

Today I was reminded that pretty much no one gives a shit about me.

Also I went for a walk to clear my head(didn't work), ended up walking by a strip club, and the girls outside laughed at me for ignoring their offers of tiddies. That somehow feels more degrading to me than most laughter.

So that was my day.

:c

I'm at swing dance night right now. God dammit, I should be having fun, I should be relaxed, I should be enjoying myself, but I'm not. I just feel isolated and sad and I don't want to feel that way, but I do.

I can go for a really long time ignoring how I feel about an important thing in my life and then it hits me like a ton of incredibly disappointed bricks and I sit there wallowing for a good day or so before I can actually function on more than an autonomous level.

We've entered the wallowing stage.

I broke up with EVA-01 less than two month ago. She was the first one who loved me, and I loved what we had, I won't deny it was hard for me right after the breakup but I finally got better.
And then she confessed she was in a couple with someone else (a guy I've always hated and who has always loved her). They got together something like two or three weeks after my breakup. You know, I had to wait three month after we became more than friends before she accepted that we were a couple. Him ? Took her one day. I don't love her anymore, and I want to make that clear. But the thought that she found someone better so quickly ... She admitted recently she isn't sure she ever really loved me. So what ? I thought I had finally found someone I was compatible with ... And it was just a lie.
And she found better.
She's nice with me and don't talk about it with me, but I talk with all of her friends. Apparently she often says this is so much better.
I've always feared no one would ever love me. The fear is coming back quickly.
Right now I can't stop thinking how much better it probably is. There's always this little voice, at the back of my mind.
"She found better"
I just want to curl in a ball, hug someone and forget about this ...

EDIT : I'm sorry, I don't even know if I was right to post that here. It's just that this is the one community that has always been nice with me as long as I can remember, and I needed to express how I felt. Sorry.