AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Yeah
He's 15


It's gonna take a while

So, I talked with my parents at dinner about if I should join Filipino Club or not. You don't have to be Filipino to join, but if you are the sponsor, our librarian, will repeatedly encourage you on it. So, this talk was supposed to only be about if they could pick me up or not, but turned into me spilling my heart out about how some people make fun of me for not knowing my own language, not knowing what foods are called, and other cultural stuff. (Their president is also kinda a insecure douche canoe, but not getting into that.) One chick even called me white wash. Like, wtf? All this belittlement towards me because I was "one of them" but supposedly didn't know what that even meant.

My Mom taught me in English everything, so I wouldn't get confused with words and so I wouldn't get made fun of. Oh irony. My parents kept telling me and encouraging me to tell the librarian the truth about why I haven't been attending. it felt nice to have them on my side, and concerned about me getting bullied. I got all teary eyed and excused myself.

I think I will tell the librarian what happened. I feel a little sad thinking on what I have missed out on because of what some people said to me, but oh well gonna fix things now or never I guess. maybe that's also why I'm kinda racist against my own race..

TL;DR - Had a Cosby moment on racism at dinner tonight.

just found out the dog we had while I was growing up is really starting to go over the deep end

My dad gets mad at me for making a shout of surprise when I slip on the wet floor and nearly do a split. He doesn't seem to understand why I don't like him much.

I realized that after our outing tonight, I don't know the next time I'll actually see Sloth in person. Because it looks like he's working until I move.

It's one thing to have nothing but electronic communication when that's all you've had, but to go from spending pretty much every day with him to maybe getting to talk to him online or on the phone.

I can't remember the last time I was actually sad. I honestly forgot what it was.

^ ugh i felt the same way last year when kyle moved about an hour away. it felt like a god daisies dementor was on top of me :[ i also didn't have a job at the time and desperately needed one, and i needed some support from him and he wasn't there. i just kinda felt empty and even when we were together i couldn't really enjoy it because all i could think was that he'll be leaving soon and i'll be alone again. worst feeling in the fucking world. hopefully you have a better time of it >>

how long til you move?

Right when I have no cheddar and it's taking ages to get a new job, all the cool stuff I want is coming out. This is bullshit, ugh.

shazza wrote:^ ugh i felt the same way last year when kyle moved about an hour away. it felt like a god daisies dementor was on top of me :[ i also didn't have a job at the time and desperately needed one, and i needed some support from him and he wasn't there. i just kinda felt empty and even when we were together i couldn't really enjoy it because all i could think was that he'll be leaving soon and i'll be alone again. worst feeling in the fucking world. hopefully you have a better time of it >>

how long til you move?

tomorrow.

Feelings for my ex are sort of dredging themselves up again. It's like this little chant repeating ad infinitum in the back of my head saying "try again when you can move near her."

I don't want that on my mind right now, and I definitely don't want that being my romantic aspiration for the next four years.

Are you actually thinking of moving to England?

Like because of her, or just in general?

Todays news: When people have a stroke they become permanently mean.

And I really thought my dad was bad before.

The same thing happened to my grandpa. After a couple years he's lessened up at least.
You have my sympathy, though.

Vax wrote:Are you actually thinking of moving to England?

Like because of her, or just in general?

Dunno, it depends. Ultimately I have to base decisions on where I can find a job, but I'd say I rate relationships reasonably high as far as things that could convince me to move somewhere go?

We only broke up because of distance, and it's not like I'd just show up in the country unannounced hoping to get hitched. I'm just thinking "later on if we could get back together I'd probably be willing to move out there."

I'll probably be totally over her by then, of course, but in the meantime it's kind of an unpleasant distraction to still have that kicking around in my mind.

Ahh I getcha

's always good to have your priorities in order. But yeah as you know, it's important to understand why you want to do things and if, in the end, they're really worth it.

This one calf is refusing to eat. It'll drink some milk and eat some hay for a bit, but then it just stops for no discernible reason. It's probably going to die.

On the bright side baby goats are adorable and way smarter than calves; holy shit are cows dumb