AWKWARD ZOMBIE

AngelicSongx wrote:I feel really terrible about myself. I don't think I can stand to be hanging out with the same group of friends next year, and that is a really scary hard thing for me to do. One of my closest friends won't even talk to me anymore, and I feel as though half of them are going with his side and hate me. Three others are a trio of BFF's and hanging out whenever they want and don't invite anyone, so I don't feel like I'm really a good friend of theirs. And final two, well, one's obsessed with the other and is a whirlwind of teen angst so I just don't want to deal with that.

I'm gonna try really hard to isolate myself from them next year (hopefully). I'm really starting to dislike myself because I think I lead my closest friend on. But then I think, I was just really nice to him and joked around. Why should they expect me to break up with Tuxedo Mask? Being funny, cute, and in person can only get someone so far. I even thought that he didn't like me because he said he didn't to my face, I'm really gullible but just by saying that alone I ruled out every single "look" they say he's given me.

Every time I think about him it hurts, just knowing we won't be as good friends again. Also when I think of other things throughout the year. All those times everyone's teased me, how could I not see that I'm just the butt of everybody's jokes? I wonder when I thought that it was important to see them laughing and getting along with each other at my expense. Were they really calling me a "skank booty hoe" when they were saying that crude phrase? It feels like they all hate me as much as one of my friends who sometimes cannot control talking too much. Maybe that's when they started disliking me, because I defended them when I started to see that they were out right bullying him.

It just hits really hard to think that I probably caused all this. I'm so scared to go school next year, but I'm also scared of being alone.