AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Why is there Starbucks in 1920-1933

Cottarsby wrote:Must be 'cause of the black dude.

Or the bouncy strut plus noodly arms. The guy being black with an afro and sunglasses is just gravy.
I can just imagine that dude walking to this.

Something compels you to walk down to the corner store. You don't know why. Maybe you can try getting a job there or something.
You get up, take the needle off the record, and go to put on your coat. You'll definitely be needing it. It gets pretty cold in Big City, even in the fall. Hell, you've even heard stories of people falling into the harbor and dying of hypothermia. Not like that will ever be relevant or anything.
Anyway, you leave your room and head past other doors down the hallway, until you reach a flight of stairs, which you descend. Soon, you find yourself on the streets, or rather, the sidewalk of Big City.
You are instantly confronted with the sights and sounds of Big City. The city is colored as an industrial mash of grey-scale and sepia-tone, with the occasional drops of color. The sounds are those of a living city, one with a body of metal and concrete and a pulse of living people. Truly, this is a wonderful city.
You begin to make your way through the bustle on the sidewalk and heads towards the corner store.
Eventually, you arrive. The store is small, but the owner does his best to use space efficiently. There are all kinds of items here, from packaged food to dollar novels.
Speaking of which, you think you'd like to go look at those books. You're always up for some reading material.
Unfortunately, there isn't much today. As you approach the bookshelf, you see only seven or eight books. You guess the store had a busy week. Nonetheless, you sift through the selection.
Hm. Nothing noteworthy, though you do notice one called Weird Tales, with a story by some guy named H.P. Lovecraft. Unfortunately, it doesn't really appeal to you.
Then, you notice something else.
Shoved into the very back of the shelf, is a book you didn't see before. You reach back and take it out.
The title reads: Become a Private Detective: Just Like That!
You are suddenly struck with INSPIRATION, with an idea that could potentially solve all of your problems.
You should become a private detective!
Just. Like. THAT.

Do you act on this impulse?

Yes, dammit!

Obviously, you decide to act on this impulse. It's not like you've got anything to lose.
First, you decide to go ahead and buy the book. You can spare a dollar, and it looks like it could come in handy. You also notice that the book's subtitle is The Average Joe's Guide to Private Investigation. You feel like this is a homage to something, but you don't know what.
Flipping through, you suddenly realize that the book is incredibly long, and has pretty small text. Fortunately, there's an index in the front, as opposed to the back.
When you go to pay for it, the store's owner Harold is working the counter. He gives the book a funny look when you hand it to him.
"Huh. I don't remember havin' this in stock. Oh well, must'a come in with some other shipment."
He rings it up for you, and you head back to your apartment.
When you arrive, you sit down and begin reading.
The first page isn't quite what you expected. It's completely blank besides an illustration of an eye, with two words:
"STAY ALERT".
Uh, okay. You suppose that's good advice.
You flip through the index, eventually coming to the first page of content.
The first paragraph reads:
"Hello, Average Joe! If you're reading this, it means you've taken your first step to becoming a PRIVATE DETECTIVE! This is a job filled with danger, so congratulations on braving that obstacle! Now, I assume you already have an office, or somewhere to operate out of. If not, please turn to page 13."
Since you don't really have somewhere to operate out of, you turn to page 13.
The heading reads: "SO YOU SCREWED UP ALREADY"
Well then.
"You decided to become a private detective without any prior planning, didn't you? Well, there is a solution. As a matter of fact, there are multiple solutions. You could always operate out of wherever you're currently living. Or, if you want to be professional, you could sell off your living space, buy out an office, and live there. Or, if you really want to get crazy, you could try busting a big crime and become famous in the city, and obtain an office that way. Of course, there are a few more options, some of which might be on the less legal side of things. But, it's your call."

Well? What do you do?

Take the least legal way possible.

A criminal private detective. It's a nice spin, I like it.

Unfortunately, you rent an apartment so buying an office is out of the question. Crime runs rampant in Big City so get out there and make a name for yourself.

Go apartment searching, try to find a really nice one deep in the heart of the city, preferably one you have no idea how you would pay for. Base your operations there.

Also buy a puppy. Everyone loves puppies.

you fools
his apartment
is his office