I want you all to imagine something. I want you to imagine the most annoying and stereotypical videogame fangirls ever. The kind that obsess over Cloud and Sephiroth and think they're oh so special for being girls that play games. Now, I want you to imagine that one of these fangirls suddenly came under the delusion that she could draw and write and decided to make a webcomic.
You may all stop imagining, because if you look to your left you'll see just that! It is our first stop in the webcomic underworld, GAMER CHICKS.
Gamer Chicks is one of those many webcomics that you know is going to be terrible just from the name. I am not going to show you every single one of their comics, but there aren't that many, so I will show most of them. Brace yourselves. Write your wills. Name your next of kin. Here we go.
And here we are, the first comic!
The art looks like something that DeviantArt would fart out after eating too many sparkledogs.
That character right there is named "Suiren", but she might as well be named "Teresa Murdock" because she is such an obvious self-insert it isn't even funny. You'll see what I mean as we move on.
You may find yourself wondering "...okay, where's the punchline?". That's a very good question. In fact, it's such a good question, let's make it into a drinking game! Whenever you can't find the punchline in one these comics, take a shot.
YOU WILL BE DEAD OF LIVER POISONING WITHIN THE MINUTE.
WHOOPS LOOKS LIKE IT'S ALREADY TIME TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOT!
So, the comic is called "Gamer Chicks" and already, at the VERY SECOND COMIC, we've gotten off-topic and starting talking about something other than gaming. I think that is a new world record.
That's shot number three. So far that's one shot per comic.
Painful. Simply painful.
I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this one. This is more baffling than pretty much everything I've ever seen before in my life. I mean, with the others I couldn't find the punchline, but with this one I can't even find the setup! WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT "Being awake annoys me" IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN AND WHY IT IS FUNNY!?
what
This is comic number four.
And yet we already have a filler "WE'LL BE BACK LATER" comic that is actually just some stupid drawing.
...I think that's another world record.
Oh boy it is comic number five.
So, this is how Gamer Girls introduces a new character. Just by having the character show up and say "I'm surprised the main character hasn't introduced me yet" and then forgetting to have a punchline. AGAIN.
...Why do all these characters have some kind of roadkilled bunny or something on their heads? Is this weeaboo fashion or something?
Weeaboos are strange and exotic creatures, rare in most parts of the world. However, here in webcomic hell, they are pretty much the dominant species. The best way to deal with them is considered to be a shotgun and some western animation. THE MORE YOU KNOW!
Yes.
Yes, someone wrote this and honestly believed that anyone would have any idea what they were talking about.
You probably can't tell what this comic is about. But fear not! On the Gamer Chicks website, there is some text by the author written just under this comic! I'll paste it here for you guys. I'm sure it'll clear things up:
"That's pretty much how it happened too. And that furry thing in the window is my cat, Ellie."
...
Okay wow that explained absolutely nothing.
Get out your magnifying glasses and put on your deerstalker hats, guys, because we have ourselves a mystery on our hands right here!
Let's see, from the text, we can determine that in this comic, something happened. Something that happened in real life. Something that presumably happened to the author, who apparently is not even making the slightest attempt to hide the fact that Suiren is a self-insert. Presumably, the cat isn't very important, because it is mentioned in the text as almost a "by the way" kind of thing (leave it to the author to explain the MOST OBVIOUS THING, huh?).
...Well, I've got nothing. Mystery unsolved! Let's just move on the next comic and hope the answer magically appears before us.
Wha-
OHHHHHHH, she lost her voice!
That was the thing that happened last comic!
...
HOW THE HELL WERE WE SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THAT OUT!?
Yet another outright baffling comic. Once again, we must resort to the text on the original site to sort the meaning out.
"Kirei and I went to the Wii launch party and this is essentially how things went. I've shivering by the way. Lucky for us, we had a preorder, so we didn't have to wait out in the cold for very long. Maybe 20 minutes tops."
Well, that makes sense, I guess (other than the whole "I have shivering" thing). It's too bad that there was NO WAY WHATSOEVER FOR US TO FIGURE THAT OUT JUST BY LOOKING AT THE ACTUAL COMIC
And is this a webcomic or a journal!? Is every comic just going to be about the author's boring and pathetic life?
Wait, don't answer that. I can already guess.
The joke of this comic is that she doesn't like her ex-boyfriend, I guess. That's not particularly funny, but it's a nice change in that I CAN ACTUALLY TELL WHAT THE PUNCHLINE IS THIS TIME.
The real question is, why is just randomly ranting about her ex-boyfriend? Is that guy in the background there her ex? He doesn't seem so bad. He's even politely waving hello!
Suiren is kind of an asshole.
See this joke right here? This whole "OH MAN SOMEONE IS HITTING ON SUIREN, HOW WACKY" joke?
You are going to be seeing this joke so many more times that it will be forever burned into the recesses of your brain for all eternity.
So often, in fact, that I am willing to be ACTUAL cheddar that it's just the author's way of fantasizing about a world where every guy is hitting on her even though in real life people probably stay at least 30 yards away from her at all times.
Uh-oh, looks like Suiren is a Castlevania fan.
And look at the way she just OWNED that random guy with her AMAZING TRIVIA KNOWLEDGE despite the fact that he said absolutely nothing related to the number of Castlevania games at all whatsoever.
And in this one-
...Wait, Lament of Innocence?
...Wasn't that Castlevania terrible!?
That's... that's not even a Castlevania game! That's a FAKE Castlevania game! She likes that over Rondo of Blood or Symphony of the Night!?
SHE IS A TERRIBLE FANGIRL AND I HOPE SHE KNOWS THIS.
Also, in response to nerd-dude's thoughts in the second panel, all I have to say is "GEE, YOU THINK!?"
She's... praying to the "game gods" for food and stuff?
How... delightfully... wacky? I think?
I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to find funny about this, but at this point I've taken so many shots that my brain doesn't really work anymore anyway.
Apparently, to relax, Suiren likes to vent her frustration by playing "GTA: Bice City". Since there is no GTA game named "Bice City", I can only assume that the "GTA" stands for something else. Maybe... "Great Turtle Action"? "Greem Trembling Antlions"? "Groaning Traitor Apes"?
It's probably "Great Turtle Action". I love that game so much.
Here Suiren is attempting to buy "one of these" for her friend Kirei, who you all probably know as "the other girl".
I have no idea what "one of these" is supposed to be, or why she has to buy one when she is so clearly holding one in her hands, so don't ask.
Suiren is very upset that she can't get "one of these". Nerd-dude offers to give her his "one of these", and she immediately breaks down crying because I DON'T KNOW.
Maybe they are tears of... joy?
Yeah, the author probably wishes this kind of thing would happen to her.
I like how the author realizes what a terrible artist she is, and rather than just let emotion be just portrayed through facial expressions, she bodaciously puts an emoticon into the dialogue.
I really have to say, that's just pathetic.
So Suiren essentially whores herself out just to get her friend a present. What a slut.
Also, the author does the emoticon thing again. Is this going to be a regular thing from now on? It's as if this comic is on a near-vertical downward slope in terms of quality.
OH BOY A DATE MONTAGE
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON IN MOST OF THESE PANELS
AND TO BE HONEST I DOUBT ANY OF YOU DO EITHER
I like how the friend asks where Suiren was right after she tells her!
It's like the author of this comic has no idea how to place word bubbles. Probably because this is COMPLETELY TRUE.
Annnnnnnd that's all for now. There'll probably be two more updates on this comic, and then we'll move on to something else.
Valuables still under your seat? If no, don't worry about it. If yes, then WHOOPS I must have missed some.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
