AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I'm wildly obsessed with keeping things from touching the tip of my penis, like the urethra. I just cant stand the thought of it. Especially sand after the beach.

Oh GOD sand after the beach. It gets stuck there and eugh

I hate beaches because sand always gets in my swimsuit and I get grit under my breasts and in...other places...urhg

Yet I still love beaches and swim in the water there anyway because I don't learn.

Oh good lord I hate it when sand gets all up in my crotch
Then I have to take a shower and flush it all out and earggghhhh
And then one time when I was at the beach a bunch of sand fleas bit me EVERYWHERE

fun times

It's probably just blood draining from your appendages because it's rushing to your head, probably nothing to worry about. Maybe check your blood pressure to be safe.

I remember once wading in a lake to chase some adorable ducklings


then I got out and had tons of leeches all up and down my legs


that was kinda horrifying. no wonder it had a sign saying "do not swim in lake"

Bitch to remove too. Try salt or fire and they might vomit into the wound they made for fun times infection.

The safest thing to do is to let them feed off of your delicious life juices until they're ready to detach on their own.

I'm not sure if it was my survival instincts that took over, but my immediate reaction was "Run to the ocean nearby and rub them off with the sand and water".
It worked beautifully. Thankfully, I had no infections. I think I managed to get to them before they had a chance to really bite into me :U

ohgodleeches aughghahghasgugh

And this is why Mander doesn't swim in anything thats not a pool

man what are you some kinda GIRLY NON AMERICAN MAN

real thug lyfe is wading through a pool of piranhas gene-spliced with leeches and have the biting power of a great white

all while naked

As the leech grasped on to him, he started to panic. It sank its tiny, needle point teeth into him, causing pain, but also, pleasure. The man assessed this realization when suddenly the leech started sucking.

DAT AIN'T THUGGING LYFE SHOOLIS

YOU CAN TAKE THE LYFE OUT OF THUG

BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE THUG OUT OF LYFE

I'm sorry I just wanted to appeal to the blood-sucking fetishists in the audience

Or maybe the leech fetish... What even is a leech anyway. Is it a bug or arthropod or what

It's an Annelida or "ringed worm", so it's most closely related to earth worms.