AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Phoenix wrote:

The Idiotic Oracle wrote:

Trennicus wrote:What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

You make Phoenix sad. D:

Is it bad that at first I misrembered who else made that joke in this thread thinking it was Phoenix before I realized you were talking about Phoenix Wright?

Defenestrator2.0 wrote:Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?

You're welcome.

Defenestrator2.0 wrote:Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?

That joke was in The Argyle Sweater today.

Christ, I hate that fucking comic stip.

This one's called Frank and the Pope. It's long. Bear with me, here:

So there's this average-sized town which, due to a huge flaw in city planning, only has one grocery store. The store only has one checkout (for some reason), and the only cashier who works there is named Frank. So, of course, everybody in town knows him. Eventually, the shop's manager gets sick and tired of hearing "Hey Frank", "How ya doin', Frank?" etc, etc. every day. So he goes up to Frank and says "I'm sorry, Frank, but I'm gonna have to get a new cashier." Frank, not wanting to lose his job, asks why, and the manager tells him. Frank says "Well, I bet there's SOMEONE who doesn't know me." The manager concedes that, yes, that's probably true. So, he decides to test this by taking Frank to see the mayor.

As Frank and the manager are walking up the stairs to the mayor's office, the mayor is walking down the stairs, and they meet in the middle. The mayor immediately says "Hey, Frank! How are you?" The manager sighs in exasperation and Frank just shrugs. "Well," says the manager, "I guess that wasn't a good test, since the mayor shops at our store too... Frank, I'm gonna take you to someone more important than the mayor; I'm taking you to the governor."

So, later, Frank and the manager are walking up the stairs to the governor's office, and the governor is walking down the stairs, and they meet in the middle. The governor says "Hey Frank! How have you been?" The manager lets out another exasperated sigh. At this point, he's given up and just wants to prove a point, so he says "Frank, I'm gonna take you to someone more important than the mayor and the governor combined! I'm taking you to the president of the United States."

So, at the white house, after managing to gain an audience with the president, Frank and the manager are escorted into the oval office. The president looks up from his work and says "Well, if it isn't my old buddy Frank!" The manager, who's really rustled off now, says "Frank, I've had it! I'm taking you to someone more important than the mayor, more important the governor, even more important than the president of the United States! Frank, I'm taking you to the pope!"

At the Vatican, Frank and the manager are invited to a sporting event by the pope, but otherwise don't speak to him much, although they get the honor of sitting next to him. The manager gets up to get something to eat, and runs into a group of Catholic nuns. The nuns pull the manager aside, point up to where Frank and the pope are sitting, and one asks "Hey, who's that old guy sitting next to Frank?"

Two guys are driving along the road, and the driver runs through a red light.

The passenger yells, 'What are you doing!?'

The driver says, 'Don't worry, man. My brother drives like this.'

At the next intersection, the light turns red. The driver runs right through it.

The passenger yells, 'Why did you just do that again!?'

The driver yells, 'Geez, didn't I already tell you? My brother drives like this!'

At the next intersection, the light turns green. The driver halts.

The passenger asks, 'What? Why aren't we going? The light's green!'

And the driver says, 'Are you nuts? My brother could be driving right now!'

Trennicus wrote:words

george carlin. :awesome:

So an amnesiac walks into a bar...

I forget how the rest of the joke goes.

A person asks a farmer "can I see your cock?"
The farmer gives him a hen

impmon08 wrote:

Trennicus wrote:words

george carlin. :awesome:

Hehe, yeah.

So these guys are driving to their friends' house for a party. Two of them are straight and one of them is gay.

As they're driving along, they come up to a hill. The gay guy says, 'There's a stop sign above that hill.'

Guy one says, 'There's no stop sign!' But sure enough, there was a stop sign on the top of the hill.

Guy two says, 'That's amazing! How did you know that!?' And the gay guy says, 'Gay guys know everything.'

They keep driving along, when they come up to a billboard. The gay guy says, 'There's a policeman behind that billboard.'

Guy one says, 'There's no policeman behind that billboard!' But sure enough, out came a policeman.

Guy two says, 'Woah! That's incredible! How did you know that!?' And the gay guy says, 'Gay guys know everything.'

Then they finally get to their friend's house. And they go to ring... that..

that.. ringing... What's it called again?

If you tell this joke, people will automatically answer, 'What? Doorbell?' to which you reply, 'See? I told you gay guys knew everything!'

Ecks Dee. I tried that on my friends. It was funny.

Two jews walk into a bar. The third one dived fo a penny.

Whats the difference between a gay guy and your fridge?
Your fridge won't fart when you pull the meat out.

Alright. I have removed the Holocaust jokes.

Ouch, Squig, I think most of the two Holocaust jokes were in poor taste. And I've been to /b/.

Those are the kind of jokes that you either tell anonymously or that you tell only your closest friends. No offense, but I don't think that anybody here knows you well enough for you to be able to tell that kind of joke.

I just remembered an awful (like, headshake awful) joke from my childhood...

So a bear and a rabbit are walking in the woods, when they come across a lamp. They both inspect the lamp, and suddenly, out pops a genie.

'I shall grant you each three wishes,' says the genie. Both the bear and the rabbit are excited. Because he's the biggest, the bear decides that it's his right to go first.

'I wish that I was the only male bear in Canada, so that all the female bears would have to come to me to make babies,' says the bear. The genie grants the wish.

'I wish I had a helmet,' says the rabbit. The genie gives the rabbit a helmet.

Wow, what a stupid wish, the bear thinks as he says, 'I wish I was the only male bear in North America so all the female bears have to come to me to make babies.' The genie grants his wish.

'I wish I had a scooter,' says the rabbit. The genie gives him a scooter.

Oh, well that's a pretty useful wish, the bear thinks as he says, 'I wish I was the only male bear in the world so that all the female bears have to come to me to make babies.' The genie grants his final wish.

As he puts on the helmet and gets on his scooter, with the biggest grin on his face, the rabbit says, 'I wish the only male bear in the world was gay!'

Who's afraid of the big blue cock of Dr. Manhattan?
Concervasists.

Trygve wrote:Who's afraid of the big blue cock of Dr. Manhattan?

Larry Craig when he's not in an airport restroom.

Fix'd.